Blog #17 "Great Reassurance"

What a difference a good night sleep can make! 

I went to bed last night so full of questions and concerns. I think the fact that I was going to see the oncologist today, scared me a little. It was that reminder that I am not doing the whole traditional medicine thing, that I suppose most people do. I was second guessing myself, and wondering if I am making the right choices, and fearing what he would say at my appointment this morning. 

I am not the cancer EXPERT, I only know what I have been told about my own cancer, and honestly, it's been a bunch of information that has varied in meaning from one doctor to the next.  That is what I suppose goes along with second, third, and fourth opinions really is all about 

This morning, I thought about writing down every thing I am doing in my alternative treatment method, but I decided I knew that treatment like the back of my hand now, and it would just be easier to explain it all. 

My wonderful sister, Lori went with me today!  She never wants to miss an appointment and doesn't even like me doing my alternative treatment for that hour I am doing it, alone. The great thing about that is so far... I haven't had to do any of it alone. I have lots of friends that live on the north side of town and they have been offering to come and sit with me, it makes me feel good and it make the time go by so fast having such good people come and share the hour or so  with me while I do the treatments. Tomorrow, my friend Julie and her cute daughter are coming to sit with me. I have not seen Julie in about twenty years, we have kept up with one another on facebook for many years, but it's going to be great to see her again in person. It always amazes me the people that come when someone is in need, I have always been that person, and now that I am the one in need, it feels great to have to troops rally around me! You have no idea how much that means to someone going through what I am going through. Some people I am closest to have surprised me and disappeared, and some of the people I would have never expected to be standing by my side are my biggest supporters. 

The doctor's appointment was EXCELLENT today! I worried for nothing, he walked into the room, and wanted to know all about the alternative treatments I am doing, I explained it all, from the water I drink, to the supplements I am taking, and all the blood testing that is being done out of Greece.... I told him that I wanted to send all the blood results to him for reviewing, and that I had decided I felt so good, that I wasn't wanting to do chemo now. I was expecting a lecture, instead what I got from him., was total support., He said he wanted me to continue in what I am doing, that I looked great, my blood looked even better, and that we should do the alternative treatments for 6 weeks and we will re-evaluate on May 1st. In the meantime... he wanted to be in the loop of all my blood results and he would be there if I needed him. He thought I was doing the right thing, and seemed to think it was working good for me. I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe a traditional medicine doctor would agree to what I was doing, and I suppose you could say I was SHOCKED. Shocked.... but glad and in that moment I felt reassured in knowing that what I am doing is promising and is the right thing for me. I am so happy.  

I worry too much. I over analyze everything. I want to know without a shadow of a doubt that this is this and not that. Sometimes you just have to believe, have faith, hope and trust yourself. I keep on as I always have trying to remind myself of this my whole life! 

It was a GREAT day, I snuck off with my sister for a few hours, had lunch and did a little shopping, we only had an hour and a half but it felt good, I felt normal, I felt like a woman and not a cancer patient, something I have not felt in the last seven weeks.  I had one of the most perfect days, the sun was shining, I got the reassurance I was hoping and seeking, and I got to spend all of that time and positive energy with my best friend in the world, my sister.

I have focused a lot of my time on this disease over the last several weeks, it's hard not to. But, I realized today, that while I am stressing over CANCER, I am losing memories and important moments that I should be enjoying.  I can not allow cancer to define me, even as uncertain as it makes my life. I want to make more memories with my family and the more attention I give to this STUPID CANCER, the less time I have making memories of happiness. 

I just want to be happy and I know even with cancer...... I can and will be happy!  I deserve it ....cancer certainly doesn't~~~~

Today, was a Great day, and that is all any of us can ever hope for.  When we were almost back from downtown, my friend Mimi called, when I answered she told me how she had seen my drawing for the fund raiser  T-shirts I wanted to do. She said "I have already sent the this to my friend in Greenville, SC and he is printing 150 adults and 30 kids shirts. He will have the proof for you to review tomorrow and I am picking them all up on Saturday!  She said "I won't even do this unless you let me pay for the shirts" I got tears in my eyes, the friendships that have come in and through this horrible disease, are simply amazing. I can't wait to see what they come up with, and I know that I will love them. The shirts will be $10.00 and I will be checking on how much shipping will be, I can't imagine that shipping would be more than $3-4 dollars, so it's pretty reasonable and will help me in the expense of the alternative treatments that insurance will not pay for. I will keep you all updated on when and where you can purchase the shirts from. My sister has volunteered to be the person handling all of that for me with orders and the money. 

Don't cry for me, Pray for me... Thank you all for the friendships and for the support.