I have delayed publishing this post. I wrote most of it on my birthday and every time I tried to finish and publish something would come up... So here you go....
The great thing about my birthday is..... I am here. I am fighting for my life but I am alive... and here to enjoy all the phone calls, text messages, emails, and visits from some of the most amazing people a girl could ever ask for. I have lived a good life so far and have I have many more years to enjoy my life. I have been on the hard roads,and I have enjoyed the luxury days of life that only most people could ever dream about. I have been at the top, at the bottom, and ended up somewhere around the middle. I have dedicated my life to my kids and my jobs. I have always been one you would consider an overachiever and I am hoping that through all of those trials and tribulations I have learned to overcome cancer and kick it's ass.
The great thing about my birthday is..... I am here. I am fighting for my life but I am alive... and here to enjoy all the phone calls, text messages, emails, and visits from some of the most amazing people a girl could ever ask for. I have lived a good life so far and have I have many more years to enjoy my life. I have been on the hard roads,and I have enjoyed the luxury days of life that only most people could ever dream about. I have been at the top, at the bottom, and ended up somewhere around the middle. I have dedicated my life to my kids and my jobs. I have always been one you would consider an overachiever and I am hoping that through all of those trials and tribulations I have learned to overcome cancer and kick it's ass.
Life hasn't been easy. I don't sleep much for long periods of time. My right side of my liver hurts a lot. My life has been changed and turned completely upside down, but I have the resilience to overcome whatever this crazy life of mine has in store for me. I just want to live. I just want to be here for my little girl and grandson. I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt how much I truly love them in my heart and soul. There are not the words to express the thoughts I have sometimes that I might not be here always. None of us are going to be here always. I will not live forever, nor will any of you reading this blog. I just know that I have to be grateful for the day that I have and to be happy with what I have in this moment.
I wish I could pretend that there is nothing wrong with me, especially on my birthday but to be honest my birthday reminds me so much of why I am fighting in the first place. When my little daughter can not wait to get up out of bed and show me the card, cake, and balloon that she got me. She was so excited she was telling me about the secret last night even before they went to the store and asked me not to say anything. I didn't but I laughed. I know the drill and each year so does she but the excitement of giving me those things never gets old to her. I hope years from now... she will still be doing the same thing and knowing that I am here to appreciate her love and effort.
I had my Pet Scan at Emory yesterday, it wasn't fun. I have had 2 before and never had to drink that chalk stuff like I did yesterday, but it's now done and over with and I survived what I thought I might not. I hope to get the test results tomorrow. I always anxiously await the results and having to wait a few days it's that fun. I usually have the test done the day Dr. Chamsuddin is in the hospital so that he can review them with us, but he asked me to do it this week and therefore... the time was scheduled by the oncologist office earlier than I wanted it to be .... So instead of Dr. Chamsuddin giving us the results, I will get them at the oncologist office tomorrow.I actually called a second ago and they don't have them yet, I am still very inpatient...
Today, I just want to celebrate being me. Celebrate being a mother, sister, friend, and cancer survivor. Every day I live I am surviving this disease. I just have my heart set on beating this cancer, along with everyone else that prays for me. I want the world to know "I want to live" I want a chance at being a better person than I was before I became sick. I want the world to know that just because one doctor gives you NO Hope...There is hope... that there is always a chance. I want the world to know that Liver Cancer isn't a death sentence. That as long as you keep the hope, faith,your spirit, and attitude of overcoming... that you can beat anything you face in life. The inspiration is half the battle.
So today, I celebrate my birthday. I celebrate knowing that I am truly blessed to be here and to live another day. I fear not cancer, because I can and will be the one that kicks it's ass....
I could cry sometimes. There are times when I just want to have a complete melt down. Where I just lay there and feel sorry for myself. But, you know what? I can't I am not the only person I know facing this horrible disease and so I get up every day and I fight for not only my life but for all the lives of the people I know facing the same things as I am. We share our journey's (most in private, they way they like it) we laugh and we encourage one another in ways that no one else can really relate or understand unless you share the same fears and uncertainty we all face. I know that it keeps me going. The things that I share in private touch me deep in my heart and soul in ways that most people will never understand.
I have learned a lot about myself and about life. But for the most important part of it all is I have felt loved and I can not explain how truly remarkable feeling so loved by so many means to me.
I have not had a chance to post this blog and it's a good thing....
UPDATE ON MY PET SCAN:
On Tuesday... I dropped off the disc at Newton Hospital and asked Dr. Chamsuddin's assistant if she would upload the disc and that I would let him know it was there. I sent him a text message and said it was there and it would be great if he read it and gave me an amazing birthday present, as it was on my actual birthday when I took it there . I never heard back from him on Tuesday. I was disappointed to say the least.
Wednesday morning on my way to chemo I called him, I thought maybe he didn't get my text, but I got no answer, I thought BUMMER. When I got to my oncologist office and had gotten hooked up to treatment I had a phone call, I missed the call, and then the caller called back again... It was him. I was so happy to hear his voice. The first thing out of his mouth was "How's your weight?" I thought ugh. I had gained up to 134 last week and just got weighed and was back down to 130. I was honest he didn't say anything. I know he wants me to be at 140 and honest to God I am trying my best! I told him I did the pet scan and that I had taken it to the hospital for him .. He had not gotten my message so I was so glad that I called. He said he would review that night and get back with me later! Not 30 minutes later he called and asked me ... "Do you want the good news or the good news?" He said it was time for me to do the happy dance that all that cancer that was so bad in the right side is gone. He said there is a little something that he wanted to me with me and my brother on Monday when he went back to work and we could talk we may do nothing with it or maybe a little something. He was so excited that he said he was going to get himself a cold beer and celebrate. He made my day. I made his and the scan was so positive. He had saved my life and the accomplishment of us together has been nothing short of a miracle. I am so happy. I am not a statistic of a disease that generally takes the lives of people that get this disease. It has a lot to do with the radical treatments that are FDA approved and for me and my doctor to be willing to work together and just for me to go with what he said and to be at this point is something that is a true miracle. He is such an amazing doctor and friend to me.
God is good. I know that there have been so many prayers going up for me. I can't say that one person has made this happen I think and know truly in my heart it's a combination of all of us fighting for my life and believing that I can over come something that most can not. I actually have another friend that works in a doctors office that has a patient recently told she has liver cancer and she is open to meeting with my doctor and seeing what he can do to help her. I know my life mission is to help others. To make sure that every person I can come into contact with that has this horrible disease that they have the opportunity to make their own decisions to beat this cancer.
For the doctor at Piedmont that told me I was in denial of my disease. He is going to get a letter from me and hopefully a letter I am going to ask Dr. Chamsuddin to write to show him that he was wrong... it's sometimes not a matter if someone admits their mistakes... it's sometimes just important enough to show them their mistakes that they may just make a different choice next time. That to me is all that matters. And should be all that matters to the next person he may give the option to save their own lives too. Y-90 is not the last option for me it was the first and the most effective way to get rid of this disease in my body and for the 7 people that told me not to do it..... I am glad the 1 person was there to treat me and to care about saving a life, that he knew meant something like every single life does. I am a fighter and to be a fighter sometimes is just closing your eyes, believing in something you can't see, and to just go with what you believe will work and Thank God I did! It's been a great two days in my life. I am over the moon!
I have not had a chance to post this blog and it's a good thing....
UPDATE ON MY PET SCAN:
On Tuesday... I dropped off the disc at Newton Hospital and asked Dr. Chamsuddin's assistant if she would upload the disc and that I would let him know it was there. I sent him a text message and said it was there and it would be great if he read it and gave me an amazing birthday present, as it was on my actual birthday when I took it there . I never heard back from him on Tuesday. I was disappointed to say the least.
Wednesday morning on my way to chemo I called him, I thought maybe he didn't get my text, but I got no answer, I thought BUMMER. When I got to my oncologist office and had gotten hooked up to treatment I had a phone call, I missed the call, and then the caller called back again... It was him. I was so happy to hear his voice. The first thing out of his mouth was "How's your weight?" I thought ugh. I had gained up to 134 last week and just got weighed and was back down to 130. I was honest he didn't say anything. I know he wants me to be at 140 and honest to God I am trying my best! I told him I did the pet scan and that I had taken it to the hospital for him .. He had not gotten my message so I was so glad that I called. He said he would review that night and get back with me later! Not 30 minutes later he called and asked me ... "Do you want the good news or the good news?" He said it was time for me to do the happy dance that all that cancer that was so bad in the right side is gone. He said there is a little something that he wanted to me with me and my brother on Monday when he went back to work and we could talk we may do nothing with it or maybe a little something. He was so excited that he said he was going to get himself a cold beer and celebrate. He made my day. I made his and the scan was so positive. He had saved my life and the accomplishment of us together has been nothing short of a miracle. I am so happy. I am not a statistic of a disease that generally takes the lives of people that get this disease. It has a lot to do with the radical treatments that are FDA approved and for me and my doctor to be willing to work together and just for me to go with what he said and to be at this point is something that is a true miracle. He is such an amazing doctor and friend to me.
God is good. I know that there have been so many prayers going up for me. I can't say that one person has made this happen I think and know truly in my heart it's a combination of all of us fighting for my life and believing that I can over come something that most can not. I actually have another friend that works in a doctors office that has a patient recently told she has liver cancer and she is open to meeting with my doctor and seeing what he can do to help her. I know my life mission is to help others. To make sure that every person I can come into contact with that has this horrible disease that they have the opportunity to make their own decisions to beat this cancer.
For the doctor at Piedmont that told me I was in denial of my disease. He is going to get a letter from me and hopefully a letter I am going to ask Dr. Chamsuddin to write to show him that he was wrong... it's sometimes not a matter if someone admits their mistakes... it's sometimes just important enough to show them their mistakes that they may just make a different choice next time. That to me is all that matters. And should be all that matters to the next person he may give the option to save their own lives too. Y-90 is not the last option for me it was the first and the most effective way to get rid of this disease in my body and for the 7 people that told me not to do it..... I am glad the 1 person was there to treat me and to care about saving a life, that he knew meant something like every single life does. I am a fighter and to be a fighter sometimes is just closing your eyes, believing in something you can't see, and to just go with what you believe will work and Thank God I did! It's been a great two days in my life. I am over the moon!
Thank you all for reading and sharing my story as always. Don't cry for me Pray for me!
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