Blog #97. Beach, Fun,Sun, and Waiting Patiently

Earlier today, as I was laying on the beach, under my umbrella, at New Symrna Beach Florida.   I had one of those moments. The moments that almost take your breath away at how blessed you are just to be alive. The moments that when you think back 16 months ago and all the things that were told to you by doctors (except for one) that you wouldn't survive 12 months and here you are laying on a beach enjoying every breeze that blows through your wig and the beautiful sunshine that shines it's rays  down on you to enjoy another beautiful day of life. I have that moment ..so many times. So many moments of being grateful just to be alive and able to do the things that even last summer were not really possible for me to do. Because I had to go through all the procedures and recovery to get me to this point. This point that I can and am enjoying my life. 

This trip wasn't planned.  This trip was one of those spur of the moment things that I knew while I was feeling good and Evan was home, I had to take full advantage of the time and where better to enjoy a few days than at the beach.

 

I've had a lot of people asking about my pet scan. I have had people telling me they are stalking my page on FB. I know every one is as curious as I am about the scan but I haven't heard any news. I had a friend tell me tonight she was surprised that I had shown up at his door step. I laugh because she knows me so well but seriously I have to wait I have to have patience. I could call and get a copy of the radiologist report from Emory that ran the scan   I could read that report and who knows what it will say. For me it's not worth the risk of upsetting myself about something that may or may not be on there. I'm in this battle with Dr Chamsuddin. I trust his word only. I believe and go by what he tells me and I do what he says I should do. So I wait for him. You learn to be patient when you are part of a team. When you know that the person you are on your journey with is the person you can and do trust. I wish I knew.  I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been a bit worried....I have ..but nothing I feel or say or even do will change the outcome of the scan. I take comfort in the fact that I feel good and that I am just continuing to live my life.   That's how we should all be. I have always been the type of person that generally assumed the worst.  Since getting sick I find myself more hopeful and secure in hearing great news. That's what happens when you have someone fighting for you as hard as you're fighting for yourself. 

I'm just happy... 16 months into this I am even better than I was when I started. No matter what ...I may have to do in the future, I'm going to live for every day... to be happy and live life as full as I possibly can ...we all should do that. 

Life isn't always on our terms. We don't always dictate or control things as we think we should or can. I thought I could for so long. I have realized that having faith and believing can make all the difference in the outcome rather than trying to force things to be the way I want them to be. It's not as hard as I once thought it would be just to let life happen. I sorta find a lot more peace and contentment in my life this way! 

I'm always sharing my story.  Always given so many opportunities to share a miracle of my life. Always willing to be whatever help I can to someone else that may be facing their own trials in life. 

Everyone has a story. Everyone has something of themselves to give to the world. It's wether or not your willing to be open and secure enough with yourself to make a difference. I'm not ashamed of having Cancer. I'm actually inspired more so by it. My story has a message for other people. 5 people may take my story and compare it to their own lives in 5 different ways. It's not about the disease as much for me as it is the fight itself. 

I have had a great week. I have found comfort in seeing the huge smile  on my beautiful little Evan's  face. My life is about making memories with her. About letting her know how loved she is and that no matter how bad I feel sometimes and when I am down and out that when  I recover we will have so many more moments in life like this week to enjoy together. I will take all my bad days to know that I have so many more good days like this week to have to enjoy with her. 

Don't cry for me ....Pray for me 

I want you all to know that I find comfort and joy from all of you that read and follow my story. I appreciate all the concern and compassion I am shown daily by so many of you. Thank you. 

Blog #95... Truthful fears and insecurities on Pet Scan Days.....

I have so much restless energy, today. I can't eat because... I am having the pet scan and I am starving. Go figure, these days I am never really hungry and because I can not eat, I want to eat even more. I hate that about myself. I always have wanted the things I can't have, just because I can't have something, it makes me want it more. It's all so crazy!

I am looking forward to doing the pet scan and yet in my mind I am so uncertain about it. I go from being okay to worrying about every single little thing that doesn't mean anything at all. I go to that place of total fear, fear what the results are going to be, fear that cancer may have gone somewhere else and spread, fear that I didn't do chemo for 3 weeks so I could enjoy my girls trip and I fear because of that I messed something up with the cancer. I feel guilty for this monster living inside of me. The monster could care less about my feelings or emotions it just wants to take my life and the harder I fight the more stubborn it has seemed to become. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I may be free and I know in the back of my mind since there is still a cancer marker indicating cancer that the cancer is still there. How much torture can this disease really take? We have blasted this crap to the max, we have gone above and beyond what is normal to kill this disease and it still keeps wanting and coming back for more... I want to just cuss it out,. I want it to go away. I want it to just leave me alone and let me have ALL of my life back and this just isn't up to me. It's a fighter. Cancer has it own way of recreating itself and I don't understand it. 

I want to believe that what we have done is enough... but I don't ever go into anything trying to pretend that the mere facts don't exist. I am a person that looks at the whole picture. I know the picture is beautiful and I see the life living inside of it and yet as much as I want to believe that the fairy tale is there... I am in reality knowing that I have more work to do. That this monster is wanting more torture to see if it will finally give up and just walk away from me and what next go to someone else? That is even worse. I wish there was no cancer. I wish there was a cure. A way to know how to get this disease from even entering and invading anyone's body. It breaks my heart and yet I face this disease myself every single day. I wake up checking my glucose to make sure it's not to high. I take pain pills a couple of times a day just to deal with the back pain, I think about the chemo when I am completely wiped out convincing myself I wont be feeling this way much longer as it leaves my system. And then there are these all so dreaded pet scans that I hate almost as much as anything else about cancer. 

 It's the answers we are looking to find but it's not always the answer I am wanting to hear. I am not negative about any of this I am just a patient going through this horrible disease. This painful disease that takes so much of my body and mind and I know that I am fighting for my life. I fight to stay alive. I fight to beat this monster I can not see. I fight to raise my daughter and to be here with the people that I love. It hurts deeply. I fear the things that I never let come from my mouth. The words that break my heart inside that no one can ever see because I fight for the right to make those words unspoken with each day I do a treatment, take a pill, or do another test. I wish I were not this person. But I am .. But I am! 

This road has been full of amazing people cheering me on and yet with all the love and support I am shown... I feel so alone sometimes. The realty of this disease for me is every single day. It never becomes old news for me it's always forefront in my mind. I have been open and honest with this journey, there are days that are good and there are days that I have total fear in my mind. Today is just one of those days. Every 3 months I have these pet scans done I get myself all worked up and worried. I like being scheduled and having it done first thing in the morning. That way it is done and over with and today I am schedule for 1;30 and that leaves me almost the whole day to sit and think about it. I hate that. Once it's done and over with I don't seem to worry as much I  seem to find a calmness. 

I just wanted to open my heart and write the words that were on my mind today. I know either way good or bad news I have and will continue to give this monster all that I have inside of me to kick it's butt. It's not an easy road at all. But, it's what I am facing and it's what has to be done. 

Please pray for me to find the peace that I need to get through today. I really appreciate your thoughts and support! I wonder sometimes if my test days and reading my results can hurt Dr. Chamsuddin as they hurt me.I know it's hard to be my doctor sometimes,because I am so in your face and so a part of your life and my story has been read and shared with so many people. I tell him all the time one day I will be famous, he laughs and says "You already are" that is what makes him great! 

I feel like Dr. Chamsuddin is a much as a part of my journey... as anyone in my family is. I remember the last results when he called and had to tell me that there were 5 new tumors that had shown up, I could hear in the tone of his voice, I knew it was hard for him  to see those results much less to have to tell me. But here is the thing... He has not given up on me. He keeps pushing himself and pushing me along this road of cancer and he is the expert and no matter what today's results may show I know in my heart that no matter what is or isn't there... I am with the doctor that I am suppose to be on this journey with. I would not change a single thing, except to have believed a lot sooner and just gone for it a month or two earlier. I had to search my options and just glad my best option was still there and available when I finally made my mind up. Dr. Chamsuddin is my hero he is an amazing man and doctor and because of him I am here to still write and share my story, I have no doubt about that at all. 

Don't cry for me.... Pray for me..

Blog #92 When you accept things and live beyond your expectations

Home Sweet Home. Our trip to Mexico was awesome. The weather was perfect. The breeze off the ocean was simply heaven. I felt good all week...other than my back pain, nothing really hurt. The beach massage helped that... some. I got a little tired walking back and forth from our room to the beach but it wasn't so bad. 

The resort was beautiful.  The food was good. I'm still not able to eat a lot at once.. so I found myself eating several times throughout the day. Which was fine with me. At breakfast I would grab a few boxes of cereal and have a morning snack laying there on the  beach with my 70 proof sunscreen on under the umbrella.I honestly spent  most of my days there ..writing my book. I enjoyed that. There's just something very  special about writing such a heartbreaking and inspirational story in such an amazing place. 

It's weird the few people that I met on the trip... one lady was from England she's   in remission  from breast cancer  for 5 years. Another couple their best friend had been battling cancer and on the airplane ride home I sat next to a sweet couple that she was in remission from lung cancer that had metatized to her liver and been Cancer free for 2 1/2 years now.   It's so crazy Cancer is everywhere.  I hope to hear remission one day myself and yet today in this moment... I find myself at the swimming pool with my daughter and grandson. Something I wasn't able to do last summer. I didn't even spend the money to join our neighborhood pool last year because I knew that there was no way I could take her! I promised her so many times last  summer that I was going to be better next year, and here I am feeling good and glad that I can enjoy this time again with her!  It's been a long 12 months. My first treatment was the Y90 on 5/22/2014   Almost a whole year ago. I reflect back on all that I have been through and how I have felt ...to be honest I don't really even know how I have gotten through it other than a great doctor, prayers, and God's Grace. 

I hope that my story is read and shared to show that no matter how painful and bad you feel that the days that you find yourself up and feeling so good again makes every single day of misery worth it all. I'm all about my family and friends. My heart is tender and it's been tested so many times over this last year. I've spent a lot of time soul searching laying in my bed and knowing that when and if I made it through this, I would forever be changed.  I feel that I have been changed for the better. I've been changed to be and accept the things that will never make sense to me. I will never understand Cancer I will never understand a lot of things but I know now that I don't have to know it all. I just have learned to appreciate each and every day I have and to share my story in hopes to make a difference in someone else's life. That's very important to me. I personally haven't had anyone else to learn from I learned together with the people I've met on on this often ever so lonely road.   I wish I had someone that shared their personally journey with me that I could read and know what to expect. I know that everyone is different but the basic information of what I could expect with each procedure I was having would've been nice. 

I feel like I'm a pro now. I know what going to happen and what to expect with the aftermath of each procedure and chemo treatment 

Life is good. I'm at a great place. Evan is out of the school for the summer and that takes a lot of pressure off. No fighting to get up and get ready in time for the bus and homework. It's fun time even though I  plan for her to do some tutoring this summer she's struggling a little with math and I think some one on one attention will help her with that.  She ended the school year with all B's like most parents I would like all A's. She's capable of it and with a little extra expense and time I think she will be jumping ahead a little bit I would rather her be ahead than behind! I want her to have every opportunity to be whatever she choses to be and even though she's just 7 I feel it's the perfect time to get things started! 

Life is just always full of stuff. Things that need to be done and things that have to be. Even with me being sick life has continued to go on. I slowed way down in my life, in a lot of ways and to be perfectly honest it wasn't such a bad thing anyways. I've been an overachiever my entire life.  Settling for less has just never been an option for me. Just being average wasn't ever meant for me and I find that the same as I have battled this disease.  I knew from that very  first day

 I would be giving this monster all I had inside of me to give to fight it off. And days like my week in Mexico and today by the pool with the kids is all part of my reward for fighting! There have been times I wasn't sure that I would make it through that day much less a year into treatment and feeling good. 

I'm back to chemo next week. I hate it. I can't lie about that but I know that I have to do whatever it takes to keep this monster manageable and for me it's all about making sure that happens. This summer with doing every other week will help a lot on having time to do things with the kids and feeling good enough to do them. 

I am excited a friend's daughter is having her gender reveal party tonight and it's nice being able to go and do things that at one time in this journey, I would not have been able to do.  

You never know how hard it is to overcome something until you are giving Some thing you are going through your all! This journey has been as tough mentally as it has physically at times. I think I did a good job of keeping it all together. There were times I thought I would lose my mind   I worried way too much, and thought about to many different scenarios. I had things to plan out just in case and things I had to come to grips with in my mind. I spent a lot of time alone thinking about what to do   How to handle certain situations and how to just stay within the moment and not to let myself get to far ahead. I was talking with someone about some of the things that I have already prepared for and they took it as a negative when  really we should all be prepared for what could happen especially people with small children. It's important not only because you are sick ...but because honestly... you never know what might happen.  Life is short. I do feel like one of the lucky ones.

 I know Sweet Melissa's funeral is today. Even though I never met her in person following in her own journey through ovarian cancer I felt I had gotten to know her. I cheered her own, prayed for her, and cried when I knew her time on this earth was close to the end. It's hard.  Some times life just doesn't make any sense. How the pain of losing someone is never easy. The fact is... We are all going to die one day of one thing or another. None of us will live forever. So don't waste your days being unhappy. I keep reading a friends post on FB about her cheating husband and how she had caught him cheating over and over again and just saying those words of an idle threat that never go past words. I say if you are that unhappy and willing to share the infidelity with the world you should be strong enough to let the relationship go because everyone deserves to be happy. Talk is cheap and actions speak much louder than words. 

I thought about how I never dreamed 12 months ago I would have been able to go on a week long girls trip out of the country. How I still have my life to live and how it's really nothing short of a miracle that truly is.  I am enjoying feeling good and know that I have so many more days so good left to live and enjoy. 

I'm happy to be home and I'm happy to be me. No matter what I've endured and no matter how much further I have to go it's my legacy, my story, my life to share in hopes to bring brighter days to someone else in need 

Don't cry for me. Pray for me. Know that nothing last forever and with determination and God's GRACE anything is possible. 

Blog #90. Affirmation of where I am suppose to be

It's crazy earlier this week as I was laying in bed and unable to get up and function. I wondered if I would ever feel good again? At the time I didn't honestly think so. I laid in my bed thinking of so many things. In those still and lonely moments in life that leaves you with way too much empty space in your head ...that your mind seems  to feel as if you need to fill with way to many thoughts. 

Today, I went to Emory to meet with Dr. Kooby, a liver surgeon that Dr. Chamsuddin had went before the board with several weeks back about my case. I really wasn't sure what to expect and what else this doctor would have to offer. As I sat in the waiting room waiting on my appointment a lot of different things ran through my mind. I sat pretty idle in these kind of  moments ...that I am uncertain of whom I might be meeting and/or what this new doctor may have to offer me in my fight against this ugly little monster called Cancer.

 I wonder who named this demon that invades individual's bodies that name"Cancer"? I wonder if it has a meaning? I'm thinking it might be a late night, can't sleep, kind of thing to google. Anyways.. once back in the little drab all white room I sat there as the MA came in and out . She was very sweet I'm thinking I have it right, La China )loving the name) As she walked into the room she just kept telling me how pretty and beautiful that I am. She must have said it two or three times. It did my heart and ego so good.   She looked at me and said "I am just curious as to why you are here? Seriously, why are you here"?  My brother spoke up and told her "she has stage 4 liver cancer" she stopped dead in her tracks and just gave me this blank look she said she just couldn't believe it! We told her I've looked like this for 15 months and I was told I might even live 8 weeks when first dx.  

 In walks the resident doctor that works with Dr Kooby. He asked me "what do you think is going on with your disease"? I gave my history and he just looked at me. I can't remember the question he asked me but whatever it was I answered with a quivering lip and tears coming out of my eyes.  He instantly took my hand and held it and said "before walking into this room I looked at your scans and I walked into this room and you are no where near the person I thought you would be" he meant as bad as this disease has been I should never look the way I do. I know I statistically and logically am not the same as other people as progressed with this disease are.  I'm resilent in some ways from the disease. I have no idea why. My body and fight against this disease truly does defeat all logical explanations. I just know that  I want to live I told him that. He asked me if I had family and I told him I do have my brother and sister. He asked if I lived with them, I obviously said no. He asked if I was working of course I said yes, full time  and I'm a single mother of a 7 year old. I could feel his heart connection with me. I could see in his eyes and the way he held my hand that he was wishing he had some magical solution to solve my problem and to cure this beast. 

I know he didn't and doesn't have that magical answer but his compassion was what was so great about him. I liked that. I can't be a patient of theirs but that didn't stop him for wanting to know my story and wanting to  reach out to me and comfort me  to what he knows is a very ugly disease. That's truly more of what doctor's should be about, after meeting him it truly only reaffirmed that where I am with Dr Chamsuddin is where  I am suppose to be. WE are a team. He's my doctor with a heart that takes me as his patient to heart and that will do whatever he can to give me as long as I may have to live. What more could I ever ask for?   

After meeting doctor Kooby and knowing there is no options for surgery and explanation of why and understanding Dr Chamsuddin's mission of sending me there in the first place to see me as the person I am and that hopefully he would want to help me as much as Dr. Chamsuddin himself does ... I didn't get that ...he was nice, but he did make it very clear he was a surgeon and in no way would they be able to operate on me and therefore this was a little off the scoop of his day because of that reason alone. I was okay with that. He was going to check in the clinical trial  but he hinted he assumed that it would require me move to NY and he assumed that it wouldn't be an option for me. Here's  the thing  about that anything is an option for me if it gets this Cancer gone I'd move to China if it allowed me even a year longer when you are a person fighting for your life never should one under estimate the ability of anyone to do whatever is necessary to make that happen. We left the meeting with him offering to check with his colleagues and letting me know.  

So, I left Emory for the second time in 15 months knowing and reaffirmed in my mind that Dr. Chamsuddin.. is who I am suppose to be on this journey with and I'm  great with that. Him and I are partners even if he were trying to get rid of me..  He is just sh** out of luck. He's stuck with me. We fight this thing together to the end. That's just the way it's suppose to be. Look how far we've come and we will continue this victory as long as we keep winning. That's all I can hope and ask for. 

***add on thoughts* 

It's now 2:38 in the morning and I am wide awake thinking about fitting inside a box ...even in modern medicine. There are protocols. There are procedures.  There are guidelines and as a patient wishing to save their lives we are  limited to those restrictions. I find that unfair and disheartening. I totally understand it in some ways and others I want to scream ***I can bend, I can fit into that box. Let me show you***taking chances is all I've ever known and this isn't a chance that I can take because I'm restricted by rules and guidelines. I was told I can't have the surgery because right where He would need to cut on the right side that's where my main veins running through my body are. I kept saying than take more of the liver. Take 75%. He pushed and said they don't do that they have to get it all. I just wanted to say "listen to what I'm saying. Take more rather than less of the liver" Of course he didn't budge. I have never fit into any box. I've never lived my life inside a box,  there has just never been any box I ever really fit into. It sounds silly but it's very true. So I stick to my plan I keep going on the road I am on. The road that's lead me thius far seems more promising and secure to me anyways to tell the truth!  I want the person treating me to know me. To understand me and my life. To see me more than this person that doesn't fit into a box. I honeslty am not sad about any of the decisions and discussions from yesterday. I just think it's funny when Dr Chamsuddin told me to go see Dr Kooby I said "why, if he is a surgeon and he can't operate on me?" he looked at me and replied "he's a doctor first Christy, before he's a surgeon" so I asked no other questions and did what he asked of me. What's funny about that as I asked Dr Kooby a few questions several times his response to me was " I am just a surgeon I leave that that stuff to my colleagues" I found myself smiling when he said it. I held my composure I showed up and did what was asked of me. I knew that there wasn't going to be some miracle break through yesterday. I didn't go into that meeting expecting a miracle I wrote the other day that knowledge is power and it truly is! I have to learned a lot ,.,I have turned every stone in this fight like most patients searching for answers. I don't know that searching for answers in my situation has changed anything. I have the doctor that's willing to go the extra mile! I've known that since day one. He's my miracle he wants to save me and I want him to save me. That's all I can ask I'm realistic in my disease but hopeful that while in fighting someone finds a cure. 

* end of add on***

I'm so glad it's the weekend I plan to rest up and get ready for my trip next week I'm less than 7 days and I get more excited by the minute. We are going to have a blast.  

I have great things going on in my life. I have my "GROOVE" back ... I'm off chemo for the next 19 days and no Cancer markers have been ordered. No imaging results waiting to be read, I am just on cruise control for a few weeks and I have to say that almost feels like Christmas morning as a little kid to me right now. 

Thanks for reading the most current update every step of this journey has its purpose and every thing leads to something else or truly  can just lead uou and reaffirm what I already knew I am with the right doctor and doing great where I am. 

Don't cry for me....Pray for me.   Pray for me to be feeling great on my girls trip and pray that I get the rest and relaxation I need and deserve. 

Blog # 89.... "You can't eat the whole elephant... Or can you?"

April 30, 2015

Things have a bit crazy with me  ....I've had a rough week. I had a pain patch for back pain that  mixed with my pain pills and the side effects from chemo.... seriously knocked me down this past weekend and most of the week. I am starting to feel better. I feel like I was a trapped animal digging my way through the dirt back up into a sunny day! I am beginning to see the light again and Lord does it feel good! 

I am scheduled to see Dr. Kooby tomorrow at Emory. I am looking forward to that meeting, I don't really know what to expect or what options he may have available for me but if Dr. Chamsuddin trust him than I trust him. I hope that he can give me more information about the clinical trial Dr. Chamsuddin told me about. I am sure he will.  I have anxiety every time I go and meet someone new in this journey. Don't ask me why... I seriously have no clue. I want and and am hoping for a cure. I am hoping that the pet scan sometime at the end of May shows no no active cancer in my body, that's all many of us can ever hope for!  It will be a glorious day if that is what happens. My article came out in the newspaper about my insurance companies and them not making payments on all the bills that are due from not paying Newton Medical Center. The process seems to be half way working... I am not sure what the problem is but my frustration with Humana still continues and Coventry One is a joke they denied everything and refused to make a statement about why. Here is the article for your enjoyment of reading

 I decided to put off the MRI on my back that was ordered last week due to my incredible  back pain...at least until I get back from Mexico. I didn't ask my oncologist office to run a cancer marker this week as I normally would... I leave for Mexico in 8 8 8 8 8 8 wondrous days and to be honest.... I just don't want any news on my cancer before I get back from this trip that could potentially upset me.. I want to go on this trip and give myself the vacation I so deserve and not have to think about cancer anymore than I have to! I remember several years ago I was in The Keys with my friend Carla and I met a guy that was there with his friends and family I think from CT he was telling me about his cancer. How there was no cure but that he had no given up hope on a recovery. That he had 1 child, had always been a great husband, father, friend, and that he worked hard all of his life and now that he was at a place to enjoy life he was sick and how all he ever could ask for is the chance to see his daughter fall in love and get married and have her own child. He asked me if he was asking to much? I told him "No" I understood.

 I met him on a little beach island and connected with a perfect stranger in his own time of need to have someone to talk to and understand where he was coming from. I didn't really understand at the time. I could not have understood, even though at the time I was sick myself I had no idea that I was. I have thought of him many time. I have thought about the things he said and the things he wanted in his life. He said "You can't eat the whole Elephant can you?" What he meant was you can't have it all. Can you have it all... Is it when things get as good as you think they can get one of the wheels falls off? How fair is that? I didn't get his name... I didn't get his email... I didn't get his number but in our 10 minutes sitting on a beach as perfect strangers we connected in a way that now I understand more than I ever could have before. I have written an inspirational novel and I wrote that story in that book and I also wrote a blog on my single mom blog about it. I hope that stranger on the beach is still living and fighting I hope his daughter has found love and I hope that every wish for all that he had done good in his life has come true.  

Here is the Chapter from my book and blog post I made:

You can't eat the whole elephant or can you?

While in  The Keys several months ago, I met a man on the beach we were staying at. A conversation that lasted no more than ten minutes that left a huge question in my mind... Can you eat the whole elephant? 

This is a chapter from my second book, in the stage of being completed for publishing and wanted to share this story with everyone that reads my blogs and has interest in seeing things through the eyes of stranger that may give you something to think about and truly consider in your own life. ......

Chapter 19

You can’t eat the whole elephant

Or can you?

  

Is there such a thing as being in the right place at the right moment in life? It’s funny, but in my own life I find myself put in certain places in life that I just feel I am suppose to be at in that moment.  Whether or not we are lead to be there at that very moment or not sometimes isn’t even the real question or concern as why you are there it’s the encounter that truly matters anyways.  I often wonder in those situations if I need them or is it that they are needing me? Personally, I take the time to meet strangers. To listen to what they have to offer to tell me about themselves and their lives, so that I may learn something new about them and even maybe myself too.  People always love to tell you about themselves, and it’s whether or not you are interested in listening.

The title of this chapter came from a man I met only once, on a beach in the Florida Keys. A simple encounter asking this stranger to help a friend’s son with threading his fishing pole. As my friends son had been inside the condo we were staying at for about two hours trying to get it done, I offered my assistance, which honestly wasn’t much assistance as I have never done it before myself.  So, I merely went outside to the beach and asked a stranger for help and of course he was glad to help. I told him I would go and get the boy and have him bring the fishing pole outside. Upon returning to get the boy, he was so frustrated and still determined to figure it out on his own, (with the sun rapidly fading into the sunset, in which cut into his fishing light) he didn’t want the strangers help.  With my tail between my legs, I went out and thanked the stranger and told him the boy was determined to do it on his own. We struck up a conversation after my apologizes and I was so glad we did. This stranger asked me what I did for a living; I told him and advised that I was also a writer. He seemed impressed. Our conversation instantly turned to children and I told him I had two daughters, and a grandson. He instantly said “You have what I want” I thought about that for a minute and asked him what he meant. He simply said “I have been a good person my whole life, I worked hard all my life and the one thing I want to be able to see is my daughter have my grandchild one day, I deserve that much out of life” Those words stopped me dead in my tracks as he continued on to tell me  that he has a rare form of cancer and it has spread from prostate cancer to in his blood now” That he is there on vacation as a break from the treatment and at this point in his treatment he was at the end of the road of ways to save his life, just maintain his life for as long as they possibly can ! ” I fought back at many of the tears as I could. I shared this moment of talking with this stranger to wonder why life happens the way that it does sometimes. Why does it have to be so dang hard on people? Why did he get to the times of his life that he could sit back and enjoy all the sacrifices he made in life to have it end with a horrid disease? 

I told this stranger that I write to give hope to people that feel that they have no hope left in their lives. I write to maybe make some difference in the life of a stranger or friend one day. I told him he had to keep the faith and fight the battle no matter how tired he gets, and discouraged, turning into encouragement with each treatment he is given. As all hope is never lost until there is no hope left for anything to give you.  I told him that he is still living now and he has to continue to live and by going on vacation and truly enjoying himself is inspirational.

When life is at its worst moments such as these times for this stranger, you can always still be full of hope if you chose to be. It’s whether or not you allow hope to shine through in your life during these kinds of tough times. Always keep hope alive in your heart and soul and who knows what may ever happen.

As for the stranger I met, he told me he was so worried about dying that he can’t even live the life that he has left to live, I hope that I inspired him a little that day and that he found some form of new hope in his life from a ten minute conversation with a stranger that spent my time encouraging him to live his life, as hard as it may be at times, because in these moments he has left he is a living and has the ability to live. I told him everything is all in the attitude and your attitude can make all the difference in the world. It can for all of us.  The stranger asked me before he left the beach that day “Can you really have it all?”  Then he said “You can never eat the whole elephant, or Can you?” I told him I was going to put this in my book, somehow and I thought how awesome it really would be to tell the story of meeting a stranger and sharing a moment with someone that needed a friend that day, just as much as I did for different reasons.  So, for this stranger I will never see again in this lifetime of mine, you gave me a story to share with the world, that maybe that can determine in their own lives whether you can eat the whole elephant or not! A chance encounter with a complete stranger gave me inspiration and hope that day. A moment shared with someone that I will never see again, but I am left thinking about and hoping for only the positive outcome of his cancer treatment and hoping that all the days of his life he has left to live, he will learn again to enjoy them as we are never guaranteed tomorrow, any of us, but we have to live our lives for the moments we have not the moments we are anticipating to come, because no one knows their real last moments here to enjoy so why not truly enjoy them all regardless of any circumstances we are faced with in life?

I hope that my story will touch your heart. Make you see the goodness in meeting a stranger and to understand that you will never know what you can learn in life just by listening and being open to taking time to hear someone else speak. I hope you all have a good week I am looking forward to going to Emory tomorrow to meet Dr. Kooby and I will be posting on anything exciting that may develop but for now it's all about me rebouding into feeling good and getting my body, mind, and spirit ready for 6 complete days of sunshine and paradise that I have earned every single second of !!

Don't Cry for me...Pray for me! 

Blog # 88.... Clinical Trial, Recovery, Chemo, and Mexico .. What a mixture!

I am finally recovering from the third round of Y90! This time was a little tougher than the last two times. The nausea has been horrible. I think I hugged the stupid toilet in a week and a half more than I have all the others years of my life put together.

 I was recovering from the nausea and then I did chemo and it just fired it all back up again. It wasn't until a friend from facebook (I have never met), offered me some essential oils, and they worked. I must admit I was skeptical but I am glad that I used them because they made me feel 100% better, I now can say I highly recommend them! I will be posting a link to her website on my blog.  Things are getting better I just still have the constant back pain. I think its  a nerve not really my back, I had an X Ray and nothing showed on there, I guess it's just something I am going to have to live with whether I want to or not. 

I have chemo again tomorrow (which I am dreading) I hate feeling bad... The treatments of this disease are like a roller coaster, I get the treatments, feel bad, start recovering andfeeling better, and then it's time for another treatment. I feel like it's a roller coaster ....merry go round all in one. It's really all about the high's and low's... Hating the the low's and loving the high's! The good thing about this chemo treatment is it going to be the last one before I head on my girls trip to Mexico. I am determined to not feel bad in Mexico. I will have a two week break and hopefully I will be recovered completely from the Y90 and the chemo and able to have a good time in Mexico!  This trip has been booked for 2 months, when we booked it I thought the time would never come and as of today we are 17 days from boarding the plane to paradise. I can not wait. I couldn't even express in words how excited I am, if I had to do it!  I am going with 4 other amazing ladies and we are going to relax, eat, have a drink or two, and truly dance the night away. I am so ready! 

Last week was my brother, Greg's and my little daughter Evan Raine's birthdays. On Friday night I got all dolled up and went downtown for a nice dinner to celebrate my brothers birthday and had my first glass of wine in almost 15 months. I sipped the wine over a couple of hours, I knew that I had to be careful because I am still having to take my pain pills at night (especially if I go out somewhere) because I would not be able to sit at a table for more than 10 minutes the way my back feels. 

It felt good to get out and go celebrate my brothers birthday, something I use to do all the time without a thought of anything and now days it's a treat if I can feel good enough to go. That makes me sad a little because I see how much my life has changed with this horrible disease, ways that you don't even really even think about because I don't feel good enough most of the time to do all the things I use to do. It's okay... I would rather be home resting so I can do more things in the future... than to go and sit there miserable and wishing I was home. I listen to my body now, and I don't try to overdo what I know I can not overdo. It's my new life being a cancer patient and honestly as long as I am alive than I am happy with whatever choices I have to make to get me through to the next day! I didn't make it out to the club with everyone else at the party, I wanted to go but I knew the next day I had 17 kids coming to my Evan's birthday party and I really need my rest for making sure her party went as smooth as possible. I didn't have her party at my house, I had it at her gymnastic's place and she was so happy. She said it was the BEST day of her life. It was chaos but worth every single smile on her face. She had a blast, all the kids had a great time and that hour and a half that I spent days preparing for was worth every single dollar I spent to make sure she had a great day! 

While I was preparing and at her party my sweet friends, Linda, Kim, and Kenny spent 6 hours out in my front yard, clearing out flower beds, pulling weeds, cutting down tree limbs, planting flowers, and mulching. They did an amazing job, and would not let me pay them a dime. I wanted to cry I am so grateful for friendships that are so loving and giving. I could never repay so many people that have extended themselves out to me in my time of need. It's amazing. I have always been the giver so to receive feels amazing...

I still haven't heard anything from.... President Obama, doesn't surprise me... But... there is a huge development.... The Walton Tribune has agreed to write my story and help me in trying to get all of these outstanding claims paid to Newton Medical Center. I met with the sweet reporter, Meagan Hurley, Staff Writer..... She contacted both Coventry One and Humana. Coventry One really hasn't cooperated as of yet but Humana, immediately has contacted me and has taken charge of getting all of my claims back reviewed and being paid. The hospital thus far has received $40,000.00  considering all the claims they paid last year.... and only paid $10,000 if that. $40,000 for two repaid claims makes me very happy.  I have pushed this issue and been in contact with the head of billing at Newton Medical Center that told me most patients are not as diligent to help them get paid. With tears in my eyes I told her, "without Newton Medical Center and Dr. Chamsuddin, I would truly not be alive and they are owed the money and I will fight until they are paid within 100% of their contractual agreement". She said that they will be going after Coventry One next... things are happening, They are getting paid and honestly that is all I wanted to see happen.

 I have been given another chance at life and there is no price tag on what mine or anyone else's life is worth. My story comes out in the Walton Tribune this Wednesday 4/22/2015 I am excited to see it in print. Great things are happening and I know that what is right is right and everyone should be as diligent in making sure the right things happen. I have heard a million times I should not have to be dealing with this when I am sick, it's my life and they are my bills ... who else should be doing it? 

I'm at a good place. I am not feeling 100% and like I said earlier I have chemo again tomorrow and I know it's going to kick my butt, I prepare myself for the side effects I would say you get use to them but there is no way to get use to feeling so bad. I hope it's better that most of the Y90 is now out of my system and it's easier than the week before last. It's going to be what it's going to be and the one thing you learn to do is... deal with it!  

Things have been pretty quiet this past two weeks with all the other cancer patients I know.... we are all just doing our thing to do what we can to rid our bodies of this nightmare. I told someone yesterday I am tired of it and ready to pass the cancer torch, to bad we can't do that.

 I am meeting with Dr. Kooby at Emory Clinic on May 1st. He is the surgeon that Dr. Chamsuddin went before the board with about my case. Even though I am not a candidate for the resection of my liver he still wants me to meet with him, there is a clinical trial out of Brooklyn, New York that I am interested in hearing about and also another chemo that might be better for my cancer. I am open... as I have been since day one of this disease. I will leave no stone unturn trying to beat this monster. I am not afraid to try something new.... if I was.... I would not be at the great place of beating this cancer that I am at. I am afraid but being afraid doesn't hold me back when it comes to my life. I just go into the new treatments knowing that I am doing all I can and that is all I can expect for myself. So many people tell me "I could not have done what you have done" Really? You give yourself everything you have to live and that is all you can possibly ever hope to accomplish in life.... So there is no thoughts or concerns that go into whatever it is that has to happen to make you live you do it, you grin and bare it and do it with all of you that there is to give to make it happen. 

I want to live and I will never ever give up a second I have on this earth to do what I can to make that happen. I owe that to myself, to my friends, to my kids, and my siblings. You find strength you never knew you had, when you have to have it. 

I cry... I get scared... I scream and yell... I cuss... and I do what I have to do to save my life. It's not easy and I get so sick and so down at times. I have had times that I wasn't sure I was going to make it through all the pain. I remember calling Dr. Chamsuddin one time and I was crying like a baby and I said "I can't do this. I feel so bad I just can't do it" he replied "stick to the plan Christy" I needed to hear that.... I needed reassurance from someone with a lot more knowledge and dealings with cancer than I had. I needed him to push me and he did.

 He may have shook his head and thought why is she calling me... I called because we are a team... We have been a team in this process... He gets frustrated with me and he thinks I talk to much but in my heart I know for his own reasons he wants to save my life as much as I want him too and for that our bound in my mind is a very strong and special one. He is my friend. He is a great doctor and a great man. He cares and it's not just about me he cares about all of his patients, I am sure that most are not as in your face as I am but that's me and he knew that from the first day he met me and he still decided to treat me so that's his problem... Just kidding!  He has done amazing things and I am forever grateful to have my life back and I hope that he knows that his miracle abilities are greatly appreciated by me and so many people that know and love me. 

The morning of my daughters birthday it hit me.. The tears rolled down my face at the thoughts I had so many times that I might not have been here to celebrate my little girls 7th birthday and I was there ... I have a letter that won't get ripped up but will be saved in a special place because it's one less letter she will ever receive because I didn't make it through this horrible thing called cancer. I rejoice in knowing I am going on my 15th month 3 months longer than anyone even expected me to live and I am free of all the old tumors that were originally there trying to take my life and hoping and praying to God all the new tumors are gone and nothing new will show up since this last Y90 treatment. I have spent so much of my time anxious to have another scan in hopes to be in remission that right now I am just enjoying the nothingness of things being done and just recovering mentally, physically, and emotionally from all I have been through. Not focused on what could be but what is in the moment and that feels good. 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me... Know that through your inner strength you can do anything you set your mind to doing!  Thanks for reading and sharing my blog. 

Blog #87 Emory, MRI, and Hope for Remission

On my way to Emory to have an MRI early this morning, to see if the tumor board will approve a resection of my liver on the right side. Doesn't that sound like a horrible way to start the week? It does in some ways and yet in others it could be what gives me back a Cancer free life and how can that be horrible?

I'm very nervous as to the results. I am a control freak and traveling this journey there isn't a thing I'm able to control. I just have to "GO WITH IT" sometimes that really is just the hardest thing to do. I have all my faith in Dr Chamsuddin and if he feel this is my only option than I refuse to question it. I know he will only lead me down the road of success through fighting this 

Yesterday,  I spent most of the afternoon crying when no one else was around and just cried my eyes out. Cried because I have this disease .. I cried because I still have to fight.I  Cried for the unknown which is dumb because really there is nothing to cry about when you don't even know what you are crying for. I have to do this. I have to go lay my little body in a tube for 30 minutes while a machine spins around me making images of my body so that the specialist on a board at Emory can make a decision about what can and should be done with me. This Cancer is nasty. It's slow growing but regardless it's growing inside of me as we did the Y90 I pray to God got it all... but the issue is this beast just wants to come back! It likes me. It like attacking my body and as I work so hard to fight to get rid of it apparently it's  fighting just as hard to stay just where it is! 

I'm okay. I'm recovering well from the last Y90 a few days ago. It takes a little time and my body needs rest and it's really hard to rest good when you are taking steroids ...those just seem to jack me up. I only slept a few hours last night. My mind kept wondering all over the place. I want to just tell it sometimes to just stop thinking to give me break! It doesn't work. 

It been a tough week I loss 3 people I know that had Cancer and were fighting for their lives. I hurts every time I hear about anyone passing from this horrible disease but it doesn't do anything less than make me want to fight harder.

 

I'm not a quitter I have never a day in my life been a quiter and I'm not about to start now just because the battle has gotten tougher. I have the strongest desire to live inside me. I want to see my little girl grow up. I deserve this. Everyone deserves this and like so many before me and so many that will  be after me I will fight my ass off to the bitter end. 

I have things I want to do and I am hoping that I can see those things through to the end of success. 

I'm almost there to get this done and I've put my big girl panties on and I will walk into this appointment as confident as I always do and know no matter what I feel inside I have a mission to accomplish and this is just another step in my ultimate recovery. 

The MRI was a success. I have never had one before ...so I really didn't know what to expect. I knew it couldn't really be that different from a CT Scan or a Pet Scan. I was taken back immediately, that's the plus of being the first patient of the day. I had to change into a hospital gown and a huge pair of hospital pants.  I laid on a the scan table and was given an IV for the dye that would be administered during the test (another thing I wasn't expecting) the machine is weird. It's like a tunnel you are pushed into and you are given huge headphones I wasn't sure what those were for until I was in the machine and the buzzing and machine itself was incredibly loud. It wasn't bad in and out of there in less than 20 minutes. I left the hospital thinking... well lets say not thinking and didn't get a copy of my disc. Once I got back to work Dr Chamsuddin called to remind me ( I'm not sure he thought he had to remind me but I think he thought I would have been there already. Because he knows I'm on top of it. I'm there before he even ever calls to see me) so I had to get  my driver(Chris) to come back and get me. I couldn't drive  because I have to taken a pain pill as my back hurts and I'm  still recovering from the procedure, Chris took me back down to Emory, I waited an hour, and off we went to Covington to drop it off at the hospital.

  It's there and when he gets the chance he will view it. It's been a long day and now I'm home laying in my bed resting and trying to recover before having to go and do chemo on Wednesday morning. Tomorrow should be a full day at the office, at least I hope so.   

A friend of mine texted me today and I thought I would share what she said about Dr Chamsuddin:

He is everything I would want in a doctor.  So glad you have him in your court!

Don't cry for me... Pray for me. Pray that the best decision is made for my future because I plan on living a long time and fighting for every day I have if I have to!!!

Blog #86 Third Y-90, Inner Peace, and Living Life.....

It's going to be another big week for me. I am scheduled for my third Y-90 treatment on this Thursday. I am more ready to get this done and over with than I am anxious for the procedure. I have a little anxiety but I am pretty good and secure  when it comes to getting this treatment. I am not put to sleep, I am just given a twilight injection. I am hoping the success of  this treatment is as good as the last two treatments were for me previously. 

I know that I am fortunate.... that I am able to have another injection and hoping that the treatment gets these new five tumors, and not only stops them in their tracks but will keep it  from anything else coming back! 

Life is really good. I am feeling good and I can honestly say that I have an inner peace that I have not had this entire journey. I have had a lot of fear. I allowed my mind to go to those "What if " places that any one would go to. I let myself fear life because I was so scared of dying. I just think that it's hard to be positive while you are fearing every thing that may or may not happen. I have told and forced my mind to stop.... to just appreciate the life I have . To enjoy life. To make plans. I didn't make plans and I made excuses saying that " I might not feel good" I don't do that anymore . I make plans and I have made my plans for my Mexico Girls Trip 60 days out and now we are 38 days from boarding the plane... It seemed like the time would never get here and we are now almost half way to the time to leave. I am glad now we didn't plan for April, May will give me enough time to get to feeling better and get my strength back. 

I had another person I met online contact me this week, I found myself giving some really good advice. I know each of us have our own journey and I know that we all have the same kind of things that run through our minds.  This person was saying how they needed to get their affairs in order just in  case. We should all have our affairs in order some of us are not even given a chance to fight for our lives some people die in an instant with a accident, a heart attack, or even a gunshot just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Getting your affairs in order doesn't mean that you give up, it just means just in case something happens you have things in order for the people you leave behind. I have all my stuff together. I have my will made out. I have written letters to my little daughter, so far to the age of 16, I cry sometimes when I have written some of these letters but I think it makes me happier to know that I can be a part of those special days just in case I don't make it through this or anything else life has to throw at me. 

I decided that I am going to be happy ... Happiness is about letting go of the fears and letting your heart and mind  enjoy all the things you have in your life that you love doing! I don't miss any of my little grandson's ballgames. I go to Evan's gymnastic classes. I try my best to be a good mama, and grandmother. I just know that life is short no matter what you are facing and for me I think that you can be happy through anything you are facing in life. It's a choice and I totally chose happiness. 

I take a lot of pride in my job. I think with me continuing to work, my business servicing my customers and writing new business it really has helped me in my recovery. It has kept my mind busy and an I know that an idle mind can make you sicker in ways that you create yourself. I have not changed anything about my life over these last 14 months besides trying to get well from each procedure and chemo and being down and out for a few days. I have tried to remain "ME" I think there have been times that I felt that I had to change I had to be this person I didn't know. This sick person with cancer.  I no longer feel that way. I am me, I feel healthy and happy and I don't think I have to change anything ..... adjust maybe, sometimes but not change. 

I have found comfort in music too. Country, rock, whatever... I turn on Pandora and just pick whatever I am in the mood for. Sometimes.... I listen and cry and sometimes I dance like no one is watching.  I get in the car sometimes and some catchy song will come on and I just sing my lungs out. I love those uplifting, get you out of your seat kind of songs that just make you want to smile and be happy. When you get down and out about whatever you have going on in life... music can truly sooth the soul . I believe that!

No chemo tomorrow I think it will be to hard to do chemo this week and the Y-90..... so I am going in for blood work tomorrow and hopefully my counts will be up from what they were last week. I am feeling good tho. It's weird the lower my white cell count is the more energy I have another friend that does chemo with me said the same thing last week. Bodies are weird. 

I am happy with how I am looking these days. My hair is coming back but I am still wearing a wig. A friend saw the new wig picture I posted and asked if I went and had my hair done. She thought it was my real hair, which is a good thing but it's not. I just laughed because I thought if I had this great hair I would never wear a wig another day in my life. I keep thinking about all the people that can't afford to change wigs as much as I do. I don't wash them I just buy a new one. I need to be giving away some of the older ones I have ... If anyone is interested in them. I will be more than happy to mail them to you. Just a thought. 

Sunday is Easter, I was telling my little grandson's father last night at his ballgame that I got engaged on Easter in 2003. He had my engagement ring hidden in an Easter egg. It was sweet and cute. He was a good guy and he's happily married to someone else now. But I am always reminded of the engagement ring in the Easter egg this time of year. Another old boyfriend always teased me about that and said he was going to do the same thing one day, he never did. Good thing since we also broke up. Life is funny how certain times of the year or situations make us think of milestones in our life long since gone but not forgotten.

 I have every thing all ready for Easter my brother and I went to lunch today and I had him stop by Hobby Lobby on the way back to the office, poor thing, he called and got his vehicle and was sitting out in front of the store waiting on me after me taking so long, he has waited on me more in the last 14 months... than he ever did before. When we did mortgages he opened my own office to get me out of his hair and now he doesn't leave my side. He is the best brother in the world. I know his heartache as been more than he would have ever let me see or know over these last 14 months but we had a long talk last week and I told him we have done all we can do. We have gone near and far, high and low, up and down, and all around to cure me and there is no stone that we have left unturn and we can not live  the rest of our lives worried about what could happen. It will happen no matter what we want,my fate is truly in God's hands and I am at peace with it all. I want to live and I do believe I am a miracle but the fear of what could be can drive a person insane... We have to live and we have to live to be happy and worrying about things we can not control will not do that for either one of us. 

I have another friend that has cancer I am good friends with his brother and the brother has told me more than once that his brother was at peace with things. I could not understand how in the world he could be at peace. I thought I could never be at peace with my disease and it's just another thing I was wrong about. Life is what it's going to be.. I do not control the future. I can do my best as I have and will continue to do so but I have to find the peace that lies within us all at some point or another in our lives where we just let go of the control and just live. I want to live. I am happier. I cry don't get me wrong but I don't have the questions in my mind like I did, because I won't allow it. I want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth inspiring others, being happy and spending time with the people I love, I have truly seen and felt what love is about over these last 14 months. I have been consoled  by some amazing people. People that have given of their hearts to me and my family and not expected anything in return and I am so grateful for them all. It's really hard to find true and good friends when you need them. You don't have to find them... They find you and boy have I been fortunate to have had them come to be with me without reservation or fail when I have needed them. I am a giver and at first it really took a lot for me to accept what I have been given without trying to offer something in return.  I have learned to accept and say Thank you .. because I know that they would not be doing the things they have for me if they didn't want to do it. 

It's kind of funny. My little Evan was playing on the playground over last weekend at my nephews ballgame and we told her not to wear her boots because she would want to play, she didn't listen (she can be a little hard headed like her mama) anyways, she wore them and got hurt. Chris thought that she tore her ACL. We brought her home and she cried in pain and cried in pain so  we took her to Newton  Medical Center, by the time the PA came into see her, she was up walking, 2 hours after the injury she was fine, but we were already there so we waited and just had her checked out anyways. Her dad, step mom, and little sister all came too. It was a family reunion.  They said they were glad to see me, he had not seen me even picking up Evan every other weekend because I was always home in my pj's with my wig off and I refused to let him see me.They said they had asked Evan how I was and she said ... I was in the bed a lot.  He said they had assumed the worse but it was so reassuring and refreshing to see me looking and feeling so good I just I just had not thought about it. I know I put my selfie's on facebook a lot only because I want people to see I am looking and feeling good. It's been an important part of this process as I so publicly share my journey through this horrible disease. 

No word from Obama yet on my letter, I may not hear a word but hoping that it reaches him and tugs at his heart strings enough to want to do something to not only help me but others in my same situation. When I did the Y-90 and had such great success with it I was determined to make sure every oncologist gives every patient in my position the opportunity to do the treatment but looking deeper into this the first step is making sure that these insurance companies will pay for it first. It's the steps the process of helping others that seem to be changing in my desire and hopes in making a difference.Even if these people are getting the information for the Y-90 they may not be able to have it because it will not be approved by their insurance carriers. That is why I started my petition to make my insurance carriers accountable and to help change the path for not only myself but for other people as well. I hope that through my journey I can make a difference. I am no  Florence Nightingale,I am just me... Christy Hicks a woman that has a  desire to do something bigger and better for the success of not only myself but for others along my own road I am traveling . 

I'm excited about the future.  I am hoping the Y-90 does it's job and does it as perfectly as it has the past two times. I hope that I go to Mexico and have the greatest time and enjoy the memories I get to make with some very good and special friends. I hope that my petition continues to grow and spread  my message that medical necessity should be determined between the doctor and patient.  I did not realize that I could read message from people that signed the petition, there was one that meant the world to me ... Everyone deserves their mother. I took that one to heart and hope you will too because it is true. You can sign my petition on the right side of the blog on a desktop version, and you can also chose to share it on FB the more this gets out into the world the better off I and everyone else traveling now or in the future with this disease will have their own chance at getting this treatment to save their lives. When you do something not only for yourself but for others along the way how could it not be a great thing?

Don't cry for me ... Pray for me....  Life is so great and I plan to live mine to the fullest as should you.