Blog #87 Emory, MRI, and Hope for Remission

On my way to Emory to have an MRI early this morning, to see if the tumor board will approve a resection of my liver on the right side. Doesn't that sound like a horrible way to start the week? It does in some ways and yet in others it could be what gives me back a Cancer free life and how can that be horrible?

I'm very nervous as to the results. I am a control freak and traveling this journey there isn't a thing I'm able to control. I just have to "GO WITH IT" sometimes that really is just the hardest thing to do. I have all my faith in Dr Chamsuddin and if he feel this is my only option than I refuse to question it. I know he will only lead me down the road of success through fighting this 

Yesterday,  I spent most of the afternoon crying when no one else was around and just cried my eyes out. Cried because I have this disease .. I cried because I still have to fight.I  Cried for the unknown which is dumb because really there is nothing to cry about when you don't even know what you are crying for. I have to do this. I have to go lay my little body in a tube for 30 minutes while a machine spins around me making images of my body so that the specialist on a board at Emory can make a decision about what can and should be done with me. This Cancer is nasty. It's slow growing but regardless it's growing inside of me as we did the Y90 I pray to God got it all... but the issue is this beast just wants to come back! It likes me. It like attacking my body and as I work so hard to fight to get rid of it apparently it's  fighting just as hard to stay just where it is! 

I'm okay. I'm recovering well from the last Y90 a few days ago. It takes a little time and my body needs rest and it's really hard to rest good when you are taking steroids ...those just seem to jack me up. I only slept a few hours last night. My mind kept wondering all over the place. I want to just tell it sometimes to just stop thinking to give me break! It doesn't work. 

It been a tough week I loss 3 people I know that had Cancer and were fighting for their lives. I hurts every time I hear about anyone passing from this horrible disease but it doesn't do anything less than make me want to fight harder.

 

I'm not a quitter I have never a day in my life been a quiter and I'm not about to start now just because the battle has gotten tougher. I have the strongest desire to live inside me. I want to see my little girl grow up. I deserve this. Everyone deserves this and like so many before me and so many that will  be after me I will fight my ass off to the bitter end. 

I have things I want to do and I am hoping that I can see those things through to the end of success. 

I'm almost there to get this done and I've put my big girl panties on and I will walk into this appointment as confident as I always do and know no matter what I feel inside I have a mission to accomplish and this is just another step in my ultimate recovery. 

The MRI was a success. I have never had one before ...so I really didn't know what to expect. I knew it couldn't really be that different from a CT Scan or a Pet Scan. I was taken back immediately, that's the plus of being the first patient of the day. I had to change into a hospital gown and a huge pair of hospital pants.  I laid on a the scan table and was given an IV for the dye that would be administered during the test (another thing I wasn't expecting) the machine is weird. It's like a tunnel you are pushed into and you are given huge headphones I wasn't sure what those were for until I was in the machine and the buzzing and machine itself was incredibly loud. It wasn't bad in and out of there in less than 20 minutes. I left the hospital thinking... well lets say not thinking and didn't get a copy of my disc. Once I got back to work Dr Chamsuddin called to remind me ( I'm not sure he thought he had to remind me but I think he thought I would have been there already. Because he knows I'm on top of it. I'm there before he even ever calls to see me) so I had to get  my driver(Chris) to come back and get me. I couldn't drive  because I have to taken a pain pill as my back hurts and I'm  still recovering from the procedure, Chris took me back down to Emory, I waited an hour, and off we went to Covington to drop it off at the hospital.

  It's there and when he gets the chance he will view it. It's been a long day and now I'm home laying in my bed resting and trying to recover before having to go and do chemo on Wednesday morning. Tomorrow should be a full day at the office, at least I hope so.   

A friend of mine texted me today and I thought I would share what she said about Dr Chamsuddin:

He is everything I would want in a doctor.  So glad you have him in your court!

Don't cry for me... Pray for me. Pray that the best decision is made for my future because I plan on living a long time and fighting for every day I have if I have to!!!