Blog #96 Patience is a virtue... So they say....

I know there are a lot of you that follow my story through my blog... and I didn't want to leave you all hanging about my pet scan results. 

Unfortunately, I received a text Sunday morning that for some reason my scan didn't get uploaded into the system for Dr Chamsuddin to have a way to view the scan. For whatever reason.... it really doesn't matter. Furthermore, he texted me later in the day to tell me he would not be available to review it for a few days. Which to be honest is fine with me. Someone very close to me is  out of  town on a vacation and I didn't really want to hear any news while they were gone. This disease takes away so much of us on a daily basis and I just want them to go on vacation and not have to worry about getting any news about me. 

As much as it would be nice to know the outcome... I'm truly okay with waiting. As much as this disease is about me,it's very much a part of the people that love me, and their lives  too. It's hard on us all. My friends are more like my family. 

This weekend was a great weekend. Friday was my sister's twins, Jimbo & Georgia's 9th birthday. We all met and had Japanese. My niece Ansleigh, had her birthday April 12th and because of all that's been going on with me... I missed her birthday. So, I gave them all a card with $100 in it. They were so excited. My sister said they counted their money at least 100 times that night and 100 times the next morning. I was the best Aunt in the world that night and it melted my heart to see them so happy. My sister wasn't happy that I had given them all that much, but I had the money and sometimes you realize that giving a little more is what will make the ones you love happy and you just go above and beyond for them. I am just glad I was here and alive to celebrate and see the joy on their faces because I love them all so much and miss the time we all spent together so much more than I can right now. They understand but sometimes I wish my heart would. 

Saturday, afternoon I went to a fun slip and slide fireball shots party at my friends Tonya and Johnny's house it  was so much fun. I felt great all day and enjoyed spending the entire day with some of the best people you could ever wish to have as friends. I of course didn't do the slip and slide nor did I do the fireball shots, and sometimes its truly a lot safer and fun sitting on the sidelines just watching and laughing. 

On Sunday,  friend's Linda and Kim came over and painted Evan's room purple . Something she had wanted for a long time and it melts my heart all that they are willing and able to do to help me in this time of need in my life. I know it's for no other reason than they love me. I hope that I can one day be as good of a friend to my friends has they have been to me. 

Life is good. Nothing new still the back pain but I am trying to maintain my tolerance for it until we see what might need to be done to fix it. I am just in that waiting game right now. Waiting for the pet scan results to see what we may or may not have to do next. I am praying hard that all the cancer in my liver is gone. I know there is a spot on my lung, if I am lucky enough the chemo has gotten that and I can just begin to heal and recover from all I have been through ... Time will tell....

My friend Ashley's mom and I talked at the party for a long time on Saturday. She said she was thrilled with the success that I have been having with my treatments and she is a registered nurse and told me she had really never heard of anyone making it over 6 months with the advance stage of liver cancer that I had. But, she had not known anyone that had gone to the lengths that I have to get rid of it. I told her mom that after the alternative medicine and the marker going up sky high that I knew I had to do something and I just went for it. I risked it all to have any chance of helping to extend my life. I really risked it all. I had no other choice. I was not accepting the fact that I would die. I didn't want and still do not want to die, I know that is not up to me. I believe that there is a plan for me. I think I am traveling and following that plan every day that I live and every day that I share my story. I never knew what to expect. I never questioned what next because I knew no one had the ultimate answer I would be looking for. The thing about my journey is that I have had the faith and the ultimate care to survive where I am. I feel like a hero because I hear that so much from people. That I am some miracle and I know in my heart that I am. I want to win this battle not just for me but for all the people that have been like me, told there was no hope for them. There is hope. Sometimes, you have to be willing to risk it all to make that happen. I didn't honestly think of it like that when I was making the decisions to do the Y90 I didn't believe I was dying. I didn't feel, look. nor act like I was not going to die... I was dedicated to myself in a way I have never really been dedicated to anyone else in my life. I fought and I feel like I have won. I have won longer than anyone ever thought I would live. My body is good. My mind is sharp. My heart and soul are stronger than they have ever been. My will to live is as bigger than I ever knew it could be. I never was faced with dying before getting cancer, never had any close calls. Disease and dying was other people's problems until 2/6/2014. 

That day is branded in my mind. It will forever change who I am and who I have become. I am just grateful .. I am happy. I am rejoicing in the days I feel good and laying in bed recovering in the days I feel bad. I just go with how my body feels. My mind is always saying get up and do stuff but it's almost impossible when my body just can not get the get up and go it has always had. It really depressed me in the beginning. It would upset me so bad but I guess I have gotten more use to it by 12 months of doing the chemo and procedures and I just do what I feel like and don't do anything when I don't. 

I am more than this person fighting for my life. I am so much more inside than trying to make it through a disease that I don't understand but I am this person that deserves to live my life and when I am feeling good I go back to being me. I do almost all the things I always have. I just do them less frequently. I try to make the most of every single day. 

I am happy. I love seeing people that tell me how amazing I look. How if they didn't know that I was sick they would never know it. I don't look like I guess someone with cancer should look... But how are they suppose to look? There is no diagram to show how a person with this or that cancer should look but for now I am doing great... Unfortunately....it's chemo week again so Wednesday.... I am back to the dreaded treatment but it's working and therefore, I do what I have to do. When you are getting such amazing results how do you question or refuse the treatments that are truly giving you  your life back?

My baby girl is at the beach with her dad and step mom this week and it's hard to be without her. I miss her when she is gone and then when she comes back complaining about being bored and this and that I wish she were off doing something besides driving me nuts. She is such a good kid. She is so strong and going through all that she has with me she will be stronger than she ever should be. She is my world I love her so much. She keeps asking me "Are you seeing Dr. Chamsuddin this week?" I tell her "No,honey not this week" she is so anxious to meet him she talks about him all the time I guess because I am always talking about him with people too. She loves him .. She is so happy that he has saved her mama and she prays every night the treatments continue to work and get rid of this horrible disease. She wants to just meet him and give him a big hug. I always tell her soon ...

I should be posting again at the end of the week as long as I am feeling okay after chemo. Even if it's a small post I will post I promise. 

Thank you for reading, sharing and ultimately praying for me and my family. Prayers are answered every day. 

Don't cry for me.... Pray for me! 

Blog # 88.... Clinical Trial, Recovery, Chemo, and Mexico .. What a mixture!

I am finally recovering from the third round of Y90! This time was a little tougher than the last two times. The nausea has been horrible. I think I hugged the stupid toilet in a week and a half more than I have all the others years of my life put together.

 I was recovering from the nausea and then I did chemo and it just fired it all back up again. It wasn't until a friend from facebook (I have never met), offered me some essential oils, and they worked. I must admit I was skeptical but I am glad that I used them because they made me feel 100% better, I now can say I highly recommend them! I will be posting a link to her website on my blog.  Things are getting better I just still have the constant back pain. I think its  a nerve not really my back, I had an X Ray and nothing showed on there, I guess it's just something I am going to have to live with whether I want to or not. 

I have chemo again tomorrow (which I am dreading) I hate feeling bad... The treatments of this disease are like a roller coaster, I get the treatments, feel bad, start recovering andfeeling better, and then it's time for another treatment. I feel like it's a roller coaster ....merry go round all in one. It's really all about the high's and low's... Hating the the low's and loving the high's! The good thing about this chemo treatment is it going to be the last one before I head on my girls trip to Mexico. I am determined to not feel bad in Mexico. I will have a two week break and hopefully I will be recovered completely from the Y90 and the chemo and able to have a good time in Mexico!  This trip has been booked for 2 months, when we booked it I thought the time would never come and as of today we are 17 days from boarding the plane to paradise. I can not wait. I couldn't even express in words how excited I am, if I had to do it!  I am going with 4 other amazing ladies and we are going to relax, eat, have a drink or two, and truly dance the night away. I am so ready! 

Last week was my brother, Greg's and my little daughter Evan Raine's birthdays. On Friday night I got all dolled up and went downtown for a nice dinner to celebrate my brothers birthday and had my first glass of wine in almost 15 months. I sipped the wine over a couple of hours, I knew that I had to be careful because I am still having to take my pain pills at night (especially if I go out somewhere) because I would not be able to sit at a table for more than 10 minutes the way my back feels. 

It felt good to get out and go celebrate my brothers birthday, something I use to do all the time without a thought of anything and now days it's a treat if I can feel good enough to go. That makes me sad a little because I see how much my life has changed with this horrible disease, ways that you don't even really even think about because I don't feel good enough most of the time to do all the things I use to do. It's okay... I would rather be home resting so I can do more things in the future... than to go and sit there miserable and wishing I was home. I listen to my body now, and I don't try to overdo what I know I can not overdo. It's my new life being a cancer patient and honestly as long as I am alive than I am happy with whatever choices I have to make to get me through to the next day! I didn't make it out to the club with everyone else at the party, I wanted to go but I knew the next day I had 17 kids coming to my Evan's birthday party and I really need my rest for making sure her party went as smooth as possible. I didn't have her party at my house, I had it at her gymnastic's place and she was so happy. She said it was the BEST day of her life. It was chaos but worth every single smile on her face. She had a blast, all the kids had a great time and that hour and a half that I spent days preparing for was worth every single dollar I spent to make sure she had a great day! 

While I was preparing and at her party my sweet friends, Linda, Kim, and Kenny spent 6 hours out in my front yard, clearing out flower beds, pulling weeds, cutting down tree limbs, planting flowers, and mulching. They did an amazing job, and would not let me pay them a dime. I wanted to cry I am so grateful for friendships that are so loving and giving. I could never repay so many people that have extended themselves out to me in my time of need. It's amazing. I have always been the giver so to receive feels amazing...

I still haven't heard anything from.... President Obama, doesn't surprise me... But... there is a huge development.... The Walton Tribune has agreed to write my story and help me in trying to get all of these outstanding claims paid to Newton Medical Center. I met with the sweet reporter, Meagan Hurley, Staff Writer..... She contacted both Coventry One and Humana. Coventry One really hasn't cooperated as of yet but Humana, immediately has contacted me and has taken charge of getting all of my claims back reviewed and being paid. The hospital thus far has received $40,000.00  considering all the claims they paid last year.... and only paid $10,000 if that. $40,000 for two repaid claims makes me very happy.  I have pushed this issue and been in contact with the head of billing at Newton Medical Center that told me most patients are not as diligent to help them get paid. With tears in my eyes I told her, "without Newton Medical Center and Dr. Chamsuddin, I would truly not be alive and they are owed the money and I will fight until they are paid within 100% of their contractual agreement". She said that they will be going after Coventry One next... things are happening, They are getting paid and honestly that is all I wanted to see happen.

 I have been given another chance at life and there is no price tag on what mine or anyone else's life is worth. My story comes out in the Walton Tribune this Wednesday 4/22/2015 I am excited to see it in print. Great things are happening and I know that what is right is right and everyone should be as diligent in making sure the right things happen. I have heard a million times I should not have to be dealing with this when I am sick, it's my life and they are my bills ... who else should be doing it? 

I'm at a good place. I am not feeling 100% and like I said earlier I have chemo again tomorrow and I know it's going to kick my butt, I prepare myself for the side effects I would say you get use to them but there is no way to get use to feeling so bad. I hope it's better that most of the Y90 is now out of my system and it's easier than the week before last. It's going to be what it's going to be and the one thing you learn to do is... deal with it!  

Things have been pretty quiet this past two weeks with all the other cancer patients I know.... we are all just doing our thing to do what we can to rid our bodies of this nightmare. I told someone yesterday I am tired of it and ready to pass the cancer torch, to bad we can't do that.

 I am meeting with Dr. Kooby at Emory Clinic on May 1st. He is the surgeon that Dr. Chamsuddin went before the board with about my case. Even though I am not a candidate for the resection of my liver he still wants me to meet with him, there is a clinical trial out of Brooklyn, New York that I am interested in hearing about and also another chemo that might be better for my cancer. I am open... as I have been since day one of this disease. I will leave no stone unturn trying to beat this monster. I am not afraid to try something new.... if I was.... I would not be at the great place of beating this cancer that I am at. I am afraid but being afraid doesn't hold me back when it comes to my life. I just go into the new treatments knowing that I am doing all I can and that is all I can expect for myself. So many people tell me "I could not have done what you have done" Really? You give yourself everything you have to live and that is all you can possibly ever hope to accomplish in life.... So there is no thoughts or concerns that go into whatever it is that has to happen to make you live you do it, you grin and bare it and do it with all of you that there is to give to make it happen. 

I want to live and I will never ever give up a second I have on this earth to do what I can to make that happen. I owe that to myself, to my friends, to my kids, and my siblings. You find strength you never knew you had, when you have to have it. 

I cry... I get scared... I scream and yell... I cuss... and I do what I have to do to save my life. It's not easy and I get so sick and so down at times. I have had times that I wasn't sure I was going to make it through all the pain. I remember calling Dr. Chamsuddin one time and I was crying like a baby and I said "I can't do this. I feel so bad I just can't do it" he replied "stick to the plan Christy" I needed to hear that.... I needed reassurance from someone with a lot more knowledge and dealings with cancer than I had. I needed him to push me and he did.

 He may have shook his head and thought why is she calling me... I called because we are a team... We have been a team in this process... He gets frustrated with me and he thinks I talk to much but in my heart I know for his own reasons he wants to save my life as much as I want him too and for that our bound in my mind is a very strong and special one. He is my friend. He is a great doctor and a great man. He cares and it's not just about me he cares about all of his patients, I am sure that most are not as in your face as I am but that's me and he knew that from the first day he met me and he still decided to treat me so that's his problem... Just kidding!  He has done amazing things and I am forever grateful to have my life back and I hope that he knows that his miracle abilities are greatly appreciated by me and so many people that know and love me. 

The morning of my daughters birthday it hit me.. The tears rolled down my face at the thoughts I had so many times that I might not have been here to celebrate my little girls 7th birthday and I was there ... I have a letter that won't get ripped up but will be saved in a special place because it's one less letter she will ever receive because I didn't make it through this horrible thing called cancer. I rejoice in knowing I am going on my 15th month 3 months longer than anyone even expected me to live and I am free of all the old tumors that were originally there trying to take my life and hoping and praying to God all the new tumors are gone and nothing new will show up since this last Y90 treatment. I have spent so much of my time anxious to have another scan in hopes to be in remission that right now I am just enjoying the nothingness of things being done and just recovering mentally, physically, and emotionally from all I have been through. Not focused on what could be but what is in the moment and that feels good. 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me... Know that through your inner strength you can do anything you set your mind to doing!  Thanks for reading and sharing my blog. 

Blog #71 Make the most of every single day!

I'm just getting through another down weekend of chemo. I have my treatments on Wednesday mornings and by Friday mid afternoon, I am down and out in the bed! Yesterday, was Sunday 1/4/2015 and it was my oldest daughters 25th birthday. I had to force myself out of the bed yesterday to go out and celebrate her birthday. I could have asked to go one night this week, and I am sure that she would have understood, but I didn't want to miss her birthday. I have never missed her birthday in 25 years and just because I have this stupid cancer..... I refused to allow it to hold me back on living my life..... no matter how bad I felt. 

On the ride over to the restaurant I felt fine, I guess the 45 minute wait for a table and  having to stand most of the time and smelling all the different foods, I felt so sick. I had to get up from the table as soon as we were seated and hug the toilet in a public place (first time I've ever had to do this) I just could not hold back the nausea any longer and I did my best to not make a big deal of it. I wanted to  cry though, I wanted to get my food to go and get home and back in the bed. I fought the urge to do so and I made the most of what was not such a good feeling for me. Last night wasn't about me, it was about Sam and I wanted things to be as normal as I could possibly make them, even if I was suffering inside for it. There are times in our lives we have to look past ourselves and do what is right for others. Everyone all day kept telling me not to go, I wasn't listening. I had to go... I had to celebrate my daughters birthday and I had to prove to myself that I would not allow this disease to control my whole life, and I did it.. Accomplishment number 685... 

It's a new year and I am up and at work. Still not feeling great but better than I did last night. I am ready to get back to work full time. I am planning 2015 to be my most successful year in the Insurance business so far! Things have been going good. I had a great year last year considering all that I have been through. I have written 228 new policies in 2014 and I am  proud that I have done so well considering all that I have been going through. I appreciate all my clients and they know if they need me I am a phone call away! That's the great thing about doing business on my cell phone, I am always accessible! 

Seems a couple of times a week I am hearing about someone else coming down with some form of cancer or another.  It's insane. I share my knowledge to the best of my ability. I am certainly no cancer expert, but I do know a heck of a lot more now than I did a year ago. I think the initial shock of being told you have cancer is the one of the most heartbreaking things you could ever hear. Every single person fears cancer in their lives. It's not a reality until it hits your life in one form or another, whether it's you or someone you know and love that get's the dreaded news. My sister and I were talking the other day about chemo, she said "I had no idea what chemo was about until you got sick and I came with you that first time" I didn't either. I had no idea what to expect. I know the day of my first biopsy I was about to lose my mind. I know I had never been more scared a day in my life as I was that day. I was horrified. I wanted to be told it wasn't cancer, I wanted to believe that this was just a nightmare that I was going to wake from any second. Never happened. I was sick. I was very very sick and yet, all I could do was believe that I could beat this. That I was going to do every single thing I possibly could to save my life. I was willing to walk to the edge of insecurity to live my life. I was willing to risk it all , all the days I had left to live to have the chance to live a longer and better life than I had before the cancer. It was a risk. There was no certainty in the outcome of what my life was going to be. Each time I was put to sleep and Dr. Chamsuddin did his thing, I was at risk of not making it through the procedure. I knew that in the very back of my mind, but I didn't allow it to control my decisions. I wanted my life more than I have ever wanted anything else. I was willing to fight for it, I am still fighting for it, and I will succeed what should have been and celebrating in what is going to be... Me in remission.  

Attitude is so important. I always thought that was a crock before now. I thought how can you make yourself believe if you want something bad enough it will happen. I am now a true believer in that,  I believe anything is possible that you set your mind to. I think I am a PRIME example of that. 

Life is worth  living whether you are sick or not. It's about continuing to live your life no matter what you are facing. We all face problems in our lives. I had a friend on FB one day write something like "Wish I were anyone but me" I made a simple comment.... "I would be glad to trade places with you" I haven't seen her post another negative comment like that. It's all about us and our own accountability in life. There are a lot of people that always blame everyone else for their shortcomings. Please... we make our own decisions we chose what we do and no one can force us to ever do anything. Accountability is an important part of growing and learning in life. I take credit for all my own shortcomings, I have learned something from every single one of them. most of the lessons I have hated to learn and hated to accept. But, I am better for them all. 

Life is short.. Not a single person on this earth knows when it will be there last day here. I say make the most of every day whether you are diagnosed with a terminal illness or you are just fighting demons from the past. Today is a new day. 2015 is a new year... I am going to be in remission from a disease that was suppose to take my life... What amazing thing are you going to do?

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE... IT'S WORTH EVERY SECOND OF THE PAN!!!!! 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me!!!  So close to freedom of this disease and yet I continue to fight to make sure that I have the rest of my life to live. Be happy with you because sometimes you are the only person that can get you through to another day!
 

Blog #58... My incredible REWARD~!!!

Last Wednesday… I saw my oncologist; I was not feeling well at all. I was having all kinds of stomach issues, so much pain in my abdomen that he said he could hear the roaring without even using the stethoscope. He agreed that I didn't need to do chemo that day, he asked when my next procedure was going to be, I told him Dr. Chamsuddin would be back on the 10^th of November and he was planning on getting the last fraction of the tumor on my liver with the chemo and burning the one spot on my lung when he returned.

  Dr. Carter said I could take a break from the chemo until after the next procedure.  That was music to my ears! I was happy to hear I could get a 3 week break, and allow this worn out, damaged body of mine to heal a little and rebuild itself for the next round of procedures and chemo treatments.  In the meantime they were concerned about my pancreases, as it was very tender in that area and Dr. Carters PA order a pancreases blood test to rule out pancreatitis.  I was stressing for days over that test. Who wants something else to go wrong when you are fighting one monster, I worried until Friday when the PA called and said my pancreases levels were a little elevated but it was not anything to worry about.  Dodged that bullet, and I was a happy girl. My cancer marker also came back it went from 287 to 278. Not down much, but hey… it went down and didn't go up and that’s what being cured is all about.

Friday I felt good, Saturday & Sunday I felt awesome. I felt like me again, it brought tears to my eyes several times over the weekend. Just the fact that I felt like getting out of the house, and doing things that I had not done since I found out I was sick . The joy of not hurting,  and not having to sit down because I was tired. The happiness of realizing that how bad I have felt over the last 6 months is not going to last forever. That when it’s all done and I am through with all the procedures and chemo that I will feel good again. I needed that reminder. I needed to feel good again to reboot me for the next rounds of procedures and chemo. I told someone over the weekend I felt like feeling this good was my reward for all that I have been through so far.  It’s mentally hard to go through all that I have been through. Your mind can play tricks on you. Not that you want it to… it’s just that it gets so involved in what is happening in the now and it’s like it wants you somehow to believe that you will always feel this way. I know now I will not  and I am so blessed to have had such a good weekend. I almost forgot that I am a cancer patient … I don’t think I could ever forget all the way but I allowed myself to put it on hold in my mind and enjoy the happiness that the weekend offered.

Saturday, I took Evan and Landon to my friends little girl Christen’s birthday party. They had a blow up jumpy and those two monkeys had the time of their little lives playing with the kids and just being outside on such a gorgeous day.  Landon did not  spend the night because when it gets dark and bed time he wants his mommy or daddy so I told him I would pick him up the next afternoon for the other birthday party on Sunday.  Saturday night we went to my friend Tonya’s Halloween party it was a lot of fun and the kids had a blast on the hayride.  Sunday we met some special friends at Mellow Mushroom for lunch, went to the other birthday party and once again enjoyed a hayride.  Then we ended the weekend at a church carnival, where the kids had a great time playing games.  When we first got to the carnival we decided tot do the cake walk, well Landon and I did, Evan wasn't having any part in it. After the first go round, the music stopped, the announcer called #25 and there was Landon standing on the 25. He won the cake walk and his face in that moment he won was priceless. I had no down time this weekend and to be perfectly honest, I didn't need it. 

The weekend was awesome. I spent it with two of the people that mean the most in the world to me.  All weekend at random times out of the blue my little girl would come up to me and ask “Mama, you feeling okay?’ I could honestly tell her that I was… But, each time she asked me I would think about what the question truly meant. How much this disease affects my sweet and innocent little girl’s life too, she worries about me …probably more than anyone else in this world. She sees the every day in and out of this disease and it truly almost breaks my heart that she has to see it and deal with it. I know that she strong but no little 6 year old should have to be this strong. What other choice do I have? I have to be a mother, I want to be her mother, sick or not, I want her with me all the time. She is what keeps me going at times. She loves me unconditionally and for me that is my REASON to fight for my life.

When I am well, she is going to be so happy … We are going to do all the things we have been missing out on over these last 9 months. I have an agenda. I want to be done with all my procedures and chemo by the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. I am hoping that that is realistic. 2/6/2015 I want to be cancer free. I want to be back to my life and full force in accomplishing any and every goal that I set forth for myself.

I tell Evan all the time that every single day mama is getting better (whether or not I believed it at the time) I just know that God is with me. That all the people that pray for me, support me, encourage me, and care about me is what is saving my life. That I have a purpose in life, I never knew what it would be and I am not sure that I know how to go about what I feel is my purpose but I know that I want to give hope and guidance to other people facing the same fate that I was told I was facing.  Liver cancer isn't always a death sentence. I want that clear pet scan so I can send a letter to every single one of the oncologist that gave me no hope

except for chemo and 12 months to live that if they would open their minds and hearts to something new and could possibly save more of their patients lives.  The old school way of medicine isn't the most inventive or life saving way of handling patients and their cures. Every time I tell someone how Dr. Chamsuddin tells me all the time I am not suppose to be here, it tears me up. It’s those words that I mean I should be dead by now that rip me up inside. I chose the route I felt right in my heart about. I chose the doctor that I felt would give me the best chance at my life, and I rolled the dice. Something I knew nothing about, I researched on the internet but you really never know the side effects or the outcome until you try something. I was willing to try anything to save my life and that gamble brought me right here… so far… 98% cancer free. The u-turn of my cancer…and the chance at a long and happy life. I am blessed, I am amazed, and I am forever grateful!

After this little break and feeling so darn good that I have been rewarded with I am ready for another battle. Another chance at getting cancer free…. and being given a chance that most people are not given. I wish I could make every day for the rest of my life perfect. Life doesn't work that way… We all have our good and bad days we take them as they come and we make the best of what we have to do. So, I am not waiting on the chemo until after the procedure. I have my next appointment a week from today and I think that I am going to tell him lets do the chemo next week again. I don’t want to chance this monster spreading and there is a reason behind why I do the chemo … I am revived and ready to start again. Life is always about the little breaks to rebuild yourself and to keep going no matter what all you have going on in life. That’s why the work week is 5 days a week with a 2 day break.

I wanted to post the pictures of the weekend. These are the moments of my life that mean the most to see these two so happy and enjoying the day. This journey is hard but these moments of happiness make all that pain worth every second I have endured.

Don’t cry for me…. pray for me….