I'm just getting through another down weekend of chemo. I have my treatments on Wednesday mornings and by Friday mid afternoon, I am down and out in the bed! Yesterday, was Sunday 1/4/2015 and it was my oldest daughters 25th birthday. I had to force myself out of the bed yesterday to go out and celebrate her birthday. I could have asked to go one night this week, and I am sure that she would have understood, but I didn't want to miss her birthday. I have never missed her birthday in 25 years and just because I have this stupid cancer..... I refused to allow it to hold me back on living my life..... no matter how bad I felt.
On the ride over to the restaurant I felt fine, I guess the 45 minute wait for a table and having to stand most of the time and smelling all the different foods, I felt so sick. I had to get up from the table as soon as we were seated and hug the toilet in a public place (first time I've ever had to do this) I just could not hold back the nausea any longer and I did my best to not make a big deal of it. I wanted to cry though, I wanted to get my food to go and get home and back in the bed. I fought the urge to do so and I made the most of what was not such a good feeling for me. Last night wasn't about me, it was about Sam and I wanted things to be as normal as I could possibly make them, even if I was suffering inside for it. There are times in our lives we have to look past ourselves and do what is right for others. Everyone all day kept telling me not to go, I wasn't listening. I had to go... I had to celebrate my daughters birthday and I had to prove to myself that I would not allow this disease to control my whole life, and I did it.. Accomplishment number 685...
It's a new year and I am up and at work. Still not feeling great but better than I did last night. I am ready to get back to work full time. I am planning 2015 to be my most successful year in the Insurance business so far! Things have been going good. I had a great year last year considering all that I have been through. I have written 228 new policies in 2014 and I am proud that I have done so well considering all that I have been going through. I appreciate all my clients and they know if they need me I am a phone call away! That's the great thing about doing business on my cell phone, I am always accessible!
Seems a couple of times a week I am hearing about someone else coming down with some form of cancer or another. It's insane. I share my knowledge to the best of my ability. I am certainly no cancer expert, but I do know a heck of a lot more now than I did a year ago. I think the initial shock of being told you have cancer is the one of the most heartbreaking things you could ever hear. Every single person fears cancer in their lives. It's not a reality until it hits your life in one form or another, whether it's you or someone you know and love that get's the dreaded news. My sister and I were talking the other day about chemo, she said "I had no idea what chemo was about until you got sick and I came with you that first time" I didn't either. I had no idea what to expect. I know the day of my first biopsy I was about to lose my mind. I know I had never been more scared a day in my life as I was that day. I was horrified. I wanted to be told it wasn't cancer, I wanted to believe that this was just a nightmare that I was going to wake from any second. Never happened. I was sick. I was very very sick and yet, all I could do was believe that I could beat this. That I was going to do every single thing I possibly could to save my life. I was willing to walk to the edge of insecurity to live my life. I was willing to risk it all , all the days I had left to live to have the chance to live a longer and better life than I had before the cancer. It was a risk. There was no certainty in the outcome of what my life was going to be. Each time I was put to sleep and Dr. Chamsuddin did his thing, I was at risk of not making it through the procedure. I knew that in the very back of my mind, but I didn't allow it to control my decisions. I wanted my life more than I have ever wanted anything else. I was willing to fight for it, I am still fighting for it, and I will succeed what should have been and celebrating in what is going to be... Me in remission.
Attitude is so important. I always thought that was a crock before now. I thought how can you make yourself believe if you want something bad enough it will happen. I am now a true believer in that, I believe anything is possible that you set your mind to. I think I am a PRIME example of that.
Life is worth living whether you are sick or not. It's about continuing to live your life no matter what you are facing. We all face problems in our lives. I had a friend on FB one day write something like "Wish I were anyone but me" I made a simple comment.... "I would be glad to trade places with you" I haven't seen her post another negative comment like that. It's all about us and our own accountability in life. There are a lot of people that always blame everyone else for their shortcomings. Please... we make our own decisions we chose what we do and no one can force us to ever do anything. Accountability is an important part of growing and learning in life. I take credit for all my own shortcomings, I have learned something from every single one of them. most of the lessons I have hated to learn and hated to accept. But, I am better for them all.
Life is short.. Not a single person on this earth knows when it will be there last day here. I say make the most of every day whether you are diagnosed with a terminal illness or you are just fighting demons from the past. Today is a new day. 2015 is a new year... I am going to be in remission from a disease that was suppose to take my life... What amazing thing are you going to do?
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| FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE... IT'S WORTH EVERY SECOND OF THE PAN!!!!! |
Don't cry for me... Pray for me!!! So close to freedom of this disease and yet I continue to fight to make sure that I have the rest of my life to live. Be happy with you because sometimes you are the only person that can get you through to another day!
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