Blog #86... Y-90, Easter Bunny, and Living life one day at a time.....

Excited...I am  getting ready to have the next Y90 treatment next week. Hoping these new tumors get this treatment and die before they have any sort of chance to grow inside me. 

I am feeling great. I am looking great. I am up to the highest weight I have been in over 13 months @ 140! Woo Hoo...... It's like a really big  accomplishment. If no one else does it.... I pat myself on the back. I have struggled with my weight over these months of treatments and to be stable and I am where I like. I think Dr. Chamsuddin would like to see me with a little more weight on but that's for another time. I set my goal at 140 and I am good with that, for now. I did it. I knew I could and I wanted it so bad that I have fought to put on the weight and besides no one says "You are to skinny" anymore. 

Another day of great news on yesterday.... My cancer marker came in at the lowest EVER since being told I had cancer... 159. The normal range is 0-34 which to have gone from 8800 to 159 I will take it all day long. The cancer marker measures the cancer in your bloodstream so you see why I am so HAPPY about that?  Chemo has been a lot easier on my body these last few times, I will take it.

No chemo this week, and I'm  suppose to do it next Wednesday. Since the Y-90 isn't scheduled yet, I am in limbo if I will do it next week or not. I just know... I will either have the Y-90 next week, or the chemo! I find that even the minor change downward in my tumor marker makes me happy. I have never questioned when it went down if it was 300 points or 10 either was good for me. Down is down, The times I have had a tough time with are when it goes up. I like the victories in the smallest of things these days.....

Easter is coming. One of my most favorite holiday's. I just love the Easter Bunny. I'm looking forward to spending time next weekend with my family and just hoping that if I do have the Y90 this week (that I am planning on) I will feel good enough for the festivities. My sweet girl will be with her dad for the entire  spring break ... It's hard to take care of her when I am not feeling well, and they are heading to the beach for 6 days so she will have a blast even while mama is laid up and recovering. I would prefer her not be with me when I am having to recover, it's to much on a 6 year old to see. 

When I was first diagnosed I started writing letters for each of Evan's birthday, Her 7th birthday is April 18th and I feel an accomplishment in getting to tear up the 7th birthday letter I had written to her. I hope to be able to do that for all the years to come that I have written them for. I am one of those crazy writing mama's. I want things to be a certain way and I just wanted to make sure that if I had not gotten as far into a recovery as I have that she would have a letter from me. It brings tears to my eyes.... not tears of fear but tears of happiness I am still here and alive to rejoice in her birthday in a few weeks. You don't realize how important some things really are. 

Work is going great I am back full time (besides the times I sneak away & join my girlfriends and go downtown for shopping and a good meal) it's celebrate Christy's life time together, makes me feel good. 

All in all things are great... I am happy. I think the new tumors have taken me to a place in my heart and mind that I wish I had always been. I am calm. A calm that I had not known before. A real sense of peace. I wish I could describe it in words. I just realized instead of really always focusing my days on cancer and getting into remission. I am focused on my happiness and family and what really matters and living more for today instead of trying to make it to tomorrow. I think it helps me a lot. 

I started my petition online about Coventry One and Humana not covering my procedures I hope that you will take a look at it on the right side of my blog at the top and read what it says. To know that it's not just me facing these horrible obstacles . Someone asked me today, "How do you cope?" I replied "I want to live. I want to be here for my daughters and grandson so I decided a long time ago I just have to deal with whatever may be and I keep going" I have said a million times in the last 14 months "I don't want to die" I feared that so much.... no matter how much better... I was getting I still feared it and not until the new tumors came up did I accept that I will be fighting this and I will do my very best and I saw how more accepting of it I was. I deal with life one issue at a time and I smile and hope that nothing but great things are yet to come for me, in my life.  

It's been a great week and I hope next week is even better. Life is short and so I will do all I can today for tomorrow may never come. One more great thing... I love my new look! 

Thanks for reading, supporting, praying, and sharing my story.. It means the world to be. It's all about life and just really LIVING it. 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me...