Blog #97. Beach, Fun,Sun, and Waiting Patiently

Earlier today, as I was laying on the beach, under my umbrella, at New Symrna Beach Florida.   I had one of those moments. The moments that almost take your breath away at how blessed you are just to be alive. The moments that when you think back 16 months ago and all the things that were told to you by doctors (except for one) that you wouldn't survive 12 months and here you are laying on a beach enjoying every breeze that blows through your wig and the beautiful sunshine that shines it's rays  down on you to enjoy another beautiful day of life. I have that moment ..so many times. So many moments of being grateful just to be alive and able to do the things that even last summer were not really possible for me to do. Because I had to go through all the procedures and recovery to get me to this point. This point that I can and am enjoying my life. 

This trip wasn't planned.  This trip was one of those spur of the moment things that I knew while I was feeling good and Evan was home, I had to take full advantage of the time and where better to enjoy a few days than at the beach.

 

I've had a lot of people asking about my pet scan. I have had people telling me they are stalking my page on FB. I know every one is as curious as I am about the scan but I haven't heard any news. I had a friend tell me tonight she was surprised that I had shown up at his door step. I laugh because she knows me so well but seriously I have to wait I have to have patience. I could call and get a copy of the radiologist report from Emory that ran the scan   I could read that report and who knows what it will say. For me it's not worth the risk of upsetting myself about something that may or may not be on there. I'm in this battle with Dr Chamsuddin. I trust his word only. I believe and go by what he tells me and I do what he says I should do. So I wait for him. You learn to be patient when you are part of a team. When you know that the person you are on your journey with is the person you can and do trust. I wish I knew.  I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been a bit worried....I have ..but nothing I feel or say or even do will change the outcome of the scan. I take comfort in the fact that I feel good and that I am just continuing to live my life.   That's how we should all be. I have always been the type of person that generally assumed the worst.  Since getting sick I find myself more hopeful and secure in hearing great news. That's what happens when you have someone fighting for you as hard as you're fighting for yourself. 

I'm just happy... 16 months into this I am even better than I was when I started. No matter what ...I may have to do in the future, I'm going to live for every day... to be happy and live life as full as I possibly can ...we all should do that. 

Life isn't always on our terms. We don't always dictate or control things as we think we should or can. I thought I could for so long. I have realized that having faith and believing can make all the difference in the outcome rather than trying to force things to be the way I want them to be. It's not as hard as I once thought it would be just to let life happen. I sorta find a lot more peace and contentment in my life this way! 

I'm always sharing my story.  Always given so many opportunities to share a miracle of my life. Always willing to be whatever help I can to someone else that may be facing their own trials in life. 

Everyone has a story. Everyone has something of themselves to give to the world. It's wether or not your willing to be open and secure enough with yourself to make a difference. I'm not ashamed of having Cancer. I'm actually inspired more so by it. My story has a message for other people. 5 people may take my story and compare it to their own lives in 5 different ways. It's not about the disease as much for me as it is the fight itself. 

I have had a great week. I have found comfort in seeing the huge smile  on my beautiful little Evan's  face. My life is about making memories with her. About letting her know how loved she is and that no matter how bad I feel sometimes and when I am down and out that when  I recover we will have so many more moments in life like this week to enjoy together. I will take all my bad days to know that I have so many more good days like this week to have to enjoy with her. 

Don't cry for me ....Pray for me 

I want you all to know that I find comfort and joy from all of you that read and follow my story. I appreciate all the concern and compassion I am shown daily by so many of you. Thank you.