Dr. Chamsuddin did my last procedure... on 1/26/2015. Everything went smooth as it usually does. I never expect any less from him. He is great!!!
I'm finally getting back to being me again. I was down about a week. I hate that week where I can't really get up and get out and do anything! I am so tired and so run down from the procedure. This time the procedure lasted about 5 or 6 hours, that I was under, and it took me a little longer to get my thoughts back together. My brother said while I was in the hospital, that I would fall asleep for 5 minutes and I would wake up for 5 minutes. He said I did that Monday night and all day Tuesday. So.... by the time I was released on Wednesday... I needed rest and relaxation. Something you never get in the hospital, that's for sure.
Dr, Chamsuddin said he was able to get to all 5 of the tumors that are left. He said that he burned them "good". The next step is back to chemo for me tomorrow 2/4/2015, seems a little tough.. especially when, I am just today... really feeling as if I am recovering from the procedure. But it's necessary, necessary to avoid this mess from spreading and I have come way too far now to let any chance of anything like that happening because I don't feel like doing it this week.
I have had several people tell me to wait until next week when my strength is up, but honestly I don't want to wait a week, I have made this commitment and I have to follow the journey's path ....whether I like it or not. So, tomorrow I will be there to get my chemo as long as my blood counts are where they need to be in order for me to do so. All this means is another weekend of being in bed and getting thorough the hardships the chemo creates......
I have my next Pet Scan mid March, I will get my Oncologist office to schedule it for me tomorrow when I get there. I am hoping for the best news, nothing lights up on the scan, and this darn cancer got what it deserved and that it's gotten it's butt kicked. If that is the case, I will be considered in remission (if nothing lights up on the Pet Scan) but I will continue chemo through May and hopefully be done with that mess for a long while, crossing my fingers and praying diligently.
I have my life back. As I still fight for my life to rid my body of the rest of this disease I know that there is nothing greater than life and health ... When I recover from the chemo and procedures and the weeks that I don't have to do them, I feel amazing. Those amazing weeks get me through these weeks that are so hard on me and my entire body. I know that fighting isn't easy physically but mentally it's really sometimes even tougher. I have to push myself, I have to make myself do all the things that I know will bring me back up from the pain and hurt of the last things I have had done. I fight my way back each time. I know when to start fighting and when to rest and just let my body heal itself at times.
I missed last week's gymnastic's class for my daughter because, I was in the hospital ,but you better believe I am going to be there tonight. Last Monday when I was leaving to go to the hospital and my sister was there to pick me up,. Evan stood in the doorway crying and begging me not to go. She was crying harder than I had ever seen her cry before and it tug at my heart strings more than it ever had before. I had to keep it together not only for her but for myself because I was hurting inside so bad for her and I knew that I had to keep my confidence and positive attitude as much as I could. The pain of all this isn't just the procedures, chemo, and all the physical things that go along with having cancer it's the emotional parts that are sometimes the hardest to endure. Evan has been incredible through all of this ... She is my rock .. Who would think that a 6 year old could be a grown woman's rock, she is though. That little girl loves me. she is my mini me if there ever could be. She is just like her mama, She is tough and tender all at the same time. Without her I honestly don't know that I could have kept it all together. She has given me and forced me to have the strength to get up out of the bed each time and fight my way back to feeling good again. I am so blessed and lucky to have her. She will be with her dad this weekend which is always a good time for me to catch up on much needed rest and relaxation. I have to say when she is in the house I don't get much of that. Even if she knows I am sleeping she comes in and checks on my which wakes me up ..every single time. She just loves me and I do my best not to get frustrated with her~!
Mid March will be the true answer to what needs to be done next, let's hope nothing! Regardless each time Dr. Chamsuddin goes in I find myself getting closer and closer to remission. I am grateful.
I had a defining moment that I wanted to share...
I am part of a group on FB and a lady on there wrote that she saw her oncologist and that the ct scan results were not what they were hoping for and that she could no longer do any chemo or treatments and they were calling hospice in. Apparently she has been fight this same cancer I have for the last 2 years. Broke my heart for her. I don't know her and yet, I know her feelings and her pain of a disease that takes us all at one time or another even if in our minds to a large place of uncertainty in our own lives as cancer patients. What hit me was she posted a little later that she had asked her doctor what her cancer marker was ... (which is the same cancer marker as I have) and she said it was at 368,000 she said that now had just become a number to her... I looked at my cancer marker growing from 168 to 300 and back down to 240 and how I was upset and I thought I should be ashamed of myself. I really did. WOW!!!! I have gone back to check on her and her post are gone now. I am not sure what that means and I hope it doesn't mean what I think it might. She was beautiful and she said all she wanted was to see her daughter graduate college, she was in her second year. She wanted to be the mother of the bride and Grandma! It's hard to be part of group where people are suffering and they are passing away but I want to give people hope and have reached several people with the Y-90 treatment that are working on getting their own treatments. If I can save one person it makes this whole think worth it for me. I just want to help give hope, encouragement, strength, and direction to people that truly feel as if they have no where else to go!
This disease, since day one has been bigger than just myself. The world is catching this disease. One day you are well, the next you are may just be fighting for your life. I know that I am no expert at any of this but I have the will and deserve to live and I will fight for my life the rest of my life. This coming Friday will be 1 year since being diagnosed with this horrible disease a year seems to have flown by and in other ways it seems like yesterday. Weird how all that works.
I was told I would be dead within 12 months and here I am about to surpass that point and looking so far into the future that the past and it's uncertainty and misery has no place in my future.
Don't cry for me... Pray for me... God is Good!
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