Blog #93 1 year of treatments and chemo

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It's amazing how fast a year really does go by. 1 year ago this coming Friday,  May 22nd, I've been on my chemo treatments, procedures, and medicines to get me to a better place. A road that I began with no end in sight. No way of knowing where that road would ultimate lead me or how  long I would have to travel down it,to get me to where I was suppose to be. A road that was unpaved and untraveled like any road I had ever known. It's almost like I went in with this person telling me the direction to go but  never promising to get me to the end. It's  like I was traveling on the road and would have to stop and rest and get gas.. In those times I was recovering and all of the sudden out of no where the engine would start back up before I was even really ready to hit the gas again! I would hit the pedal and I would take off hard & fast without even knowing where this road was heading next... other than... I knew no matter what I had to keep traveling, hitting that gas, and keep looking towards the end no matter where it would lead me. I had to make this work. 

It wasn't always easy. I remember all the nights I would cry. I would beg my brother to not make me do another procedure again week after week with  no real time to feel good enough to do it and I seemed to find myself pushing through some of the toughest days of my life not because I wanted to but because I had to... I wanted to live and I made a commitment to myself and Dr Chamsuddin  and I had no choice but to fight. Fight harder than I ever had before for anything. 

Looking back now 1 year later.. I have made all the  the right choices. I made the decision  I could do it and I put everything I had inside of me to make it through those tough days. I'm still on the road and I'm still going strong. I'm still fighting. I'm still believing that I can see this disease through to the very end. I've seen and felt ways in my life that I never dreamed I would go through. I've rejoiced at the outcome of my procedures and I've cried when things haven't been the way I wanted them to be. I've been happy and sad. I've had really good days and days that I was so sick I had no idea if I would be able to ever get out of bed again...I've been a roller coaster with my body, mind, and emotions. I've had to trust in the doctors that I have chosen to treat me, especially Dr Chamsuddin I couldn't trust him anymore than I do.  I have all my faith in him. Faith that he makes the right choices for my treatments. Choices in when and what needs to be done. I have gone into every thing  he's done for me knowing as a patient and as a person he's always had my best interest at heart. My brother Greg and I were having a heart to heart talk one night, the kind of talks that we rarely have, it's that kind of talk that takes your emotions and shakes them to the core of being so emotional on so many levels. I was saying something about Dr Chamsuddin liking me (as a person) and how it made it so much easier to get through all of this. He said " Christy, it's so much more than him liking you, he loves you like so many other people do" I am one of those people that I grow on you. I'm bullheaded and determined but also resourceful and understanding I don't even pretend to have all the answers through this disease. I leave that to the professionals. I ultimately have the say so in my health ..as all patients do but I am a believer in the treatments I'm doing and that makes all the difference. I haven't had any decisions to make other than when I initially had my first Y90 and agreed to starting down that road to my recovery ...best ...decision I ever made. The best decision I could have ever even been offered to me. 

It was my only HOPE. Hope was all I was given and thank GOD I took that hope and ran with it. I get teary eyed sometimes when I sit down and think about where I was and how far I have come. It's not been easy by any stretch but it's been worth every ounce of fear, pain, discomfort to be here today and alive. I am defying the odds. I am one of the lucky ones   I respond well to the treatments and I'm able to tolerate the chemo for the most part.  I have my days that after my chemo treatments I am dead tired and hurt all over. After a year you would think I would be use to it and in some ways I am and others it's hard to accept it! I do the best I can. And that's all I can't expect of and for myself. 

I had chemo today and my two friends I always sat with for months and months now  are no longer there ...they have both gone into remission and I was a bit sad to go without them today. I sat next to a very sweet lady and we had a great conversation. She usually goes on Monday's and with it being Wednesday and just going in to follow up on something she had done on Monday  not having treatment ..she wasn't prepared for having to do the chemo today...so when my sister showed up with a pizza from Mellow Mushroom we had us a little pizza party and it made the day better. I can walk into a crowded or nearly empty room and leave there with at least one new friend. That's me ...it's just who I am. I love hearing about other people's lives. You can learn a lot out of life by listening and not talking! That's the truth.  

I've learned a lot about myself over these last almost 16 months. I've learned to take life one day at a time. I've learned to be stronger than I that I could and that I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to take what others think about me and make it my own. I have learned to understand that not everyone will like me and not everyone is nice and caring. I've seen some people run so fast out of my life for their own insecurity reasons and I've seen some of the most amazing people running to me with open arms. Life gets tough and sometimes people can handle it and sometimes they can't. It's a personal decision to put your   own self aside to be there for someone else. It's not easy to watch some one suffering and fighting for their lives! This disease has touched my life in ways only the fear of dying could ever touch! I have had to have those sit down moments that decisions had to be made just in case. The reality of what this disease really brings to your life isn't something I could even begin to describe! It's that knife through the heart moments in those conversations that had to be had and those choices that have had to be made just in case. For me I've taken care of myself pretty much all my life. I've been a very strong and determined single woman. I have worked for every single thing I have and I have taken great pride in that. I won't let the end of my life be without me having the final say so in my arrangements, decisions for my little girl, those are some of the  hardest parts.... I found about being sick but I honestly didn't want to leave anything for my family to have to decide. I have even half way written my own eulogy I wanted to leave this earth having my final say so to the people I love. I know that some people see that as a negative thing that I planned those things out but it's no way an indication that I have given up its being prepared. We  should all be prepared. One day it's all of our final days and if you know when yours will be than you must be pretty darn smart.  

Opening my life and heart up to the world with my disease hasn't always been easy and  to be honest it's  been heartbreaking to share some of the news. The disappointments and fears of my own personal insecurities have been shared with my readers because you can be the strongest person and still have fears and be afraid. It's okay to be afraid. It doesn't mean your weak because you fear something what makes you weak is if you don't keep trying your best to overcome whatever obstacle you are personally facing. 

Today, I met with Dr Carter,  my oncologist, we have had a very good relationship throughout  this last year together as doctor and patient! He's very open to listening to my thoughts and concerns. When I have talked with him about not feeling well enough to do the chemo treatments he's always been open to agree and understand me. He's a good man and he really had a compassion for his patients as well. Out of all the oncologist I had seen he was my best choice for managing my treatments I could have found. Dr Chamsuddin referred me to him and that was another wise choice. Today we talked about a chemo regimen change.  He didn't like the idea, mainly because my body has responded so well to the gemzar and all the medical procedures I have had. He thought that staying with the gemzar at this point was my best option. He said there are so big gun's chemo that he could use but there was no sense in those while I am not needing them. He said as long as the tumor market is down and I've done so well with all the other stuff we will leave it alone. He said there may come a time that we have to pull out the hardcore chemo maybe 2 or 3 years down the road but for now I'm doing excellent and to keep up the good work. I wish chemo was over. I wish this while nightmare would end but I just have to get going strong and giving this mess my all! I may deal with this the rest of my life my hopes are that I won't but my fear of it spreading or dying is bigger than my fear of doing the chemo so I stick to the plan. The plan is working. 

I have some great news. It's summer my little Evan is out of school for the summer and unlike last year we joined the neighborhood pool and I've been able to get my work done early in the day so that I can get out and enjoy the warm weather and spend some real quality time with her. Last summer was horrible I was not able to do anything. I promised her last year that I wasn't always going to feel this way and next summer would be better, and it's worked out just like I said it would. 

I may not be able to do all the things so many other mothers can do right now but I love her and I am giving my all to every aspect of my life. One day she will be able to read these blogs and understand so much more about me than she ever would have otherwise!! 

I am scheduled for the all so dreaded next pet scan ...Thursday May 28th.  I am praying for great news. Praying that the last Y90 was able to get those new 5 tumors that showed up and that there is no new tumors there. It's going to be what it's going to be. I pray for great news. I asked the oncologist office to order my Cancer marker today.  I have not had one since mid April because I didn't want any new news before going on my Mexico trip.  Tomorrow. will be when I find out about where the marker is. I hope it's down, that will give me some indication of what to expect with the pet scan. The Cancer marker has been a great indication of my Cancer. It went up only when the new tumors showed up so if it's way down from the last one at 180 I'll be very excited. They say not to count much on the tumor marker but thus far mine has been spot on!!!

I have high hopes... I feel great and look even better. My attitude is good and my will to live gets stronger with every day I fight this monster inside of me! I have had a lot several people reach out to me this past week with someone they know being dx with cancer. It's always heartbreaking to hear of someone new being told the worse news of their lives! You don't know or understand what Cancer really means until it happens to someone you love! I make one recommendation to every single person and that's to set up a consultation Dr Chamsuddin that's really the only advice I offer because without him I would not be here today and if I could give anyone the most precious gift it would be to have him as their own doctor.   I sing his praises and I am sure I drive people nuts but there isn't a person that will ever read my blog, meet me, or even know me that won't hear about this man and all he's done for men when someone gives you your life  back why wouldn't you want that doctor on your side. I give praise where praise is due. He was the only doctor willing to take a chance on me he took me under his care and has given me all of himself as a doctor he had/has to give. I know I'm needy. I know that I can be a royal pain with all my questions. He answers the ones he wants and tells me he's ignoring the ones  he doesn't want to answer because it's never always cut and dry as to what he's going to do until he gets in there and starts doing his thing. Some things I don't need nor want to know and he leaves it at that! 

Next week will lead us to what if any direction we will be heading in next. I am anxious to know and ready to see where else this road may lead me next. Regardless of what may happen I'm in the best hands possible and prepared for whatever may happen. I'm thankful for such a great doctor to have on my side. He's a great doctor and more than that he's a great man. Some doctors have no bedside manor... they get so use to be a doctor and refuse to  see past their profession to find it within them for compassion for their patients. I'm glad that Dr Chamsuddin... is a very compassionate man. He tries to hold back but he doesn't fool me. I see right through him and that's what makes him so great to me! 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me. Please continue to pray for my recovery and know that I truly believe God answers prayers. I'm still here and alive and every day I wake up he's answering mine! 

Blog # 77... Closer to REMISSION for me....

I'm BACK.....

Dr. Chamsuddin did my last procedure... on 1/26/2015. Everything went smooth as it  usually does. I never expect any less from him. He is great!!! 

I'm finally getting back to being me again. I was down about a week. I hate that week where I can't really get up and get out and do anything! I am so tired and so run down from the procedure. This time the procedure lasted about 5 or 6 hours, that I was under, and it took me a little longer to get my thoughts back together. My brother said while I was in the hospital, that I would fall asleep for 5 minutes and I would wake up for 5 minutes. He said I did that Monday night and all day Tuesday. So.... by the time I was released on Wednesday... I needed rest and relaxation. Something you never get in the hospital, that's for sure. 

Dr, Chamsuddin said he was able to get to all 5 of the tumors that are left. He said that he burned them "good".  The next step is back to chemo for me tomorrow 2/4/2015, seems a little tough.. especially when, I am just today... really feeling as if I am recovering from the procedure.  But it's necessary, necessary to avoid this mess from spreading and I have come way too far now to let any chance of anything like that happening because I don't feel like doing it this week.

 I have had several people tell me to wait until next week when my strength is up, but honestly I don't want to wait a week, I have made this commitment and I have to follow the journey's path ....whether I like it or not. So, tomorrow I will be there to get my chemo as long as my blood counts are where they need to be in order for me to do so. All this means is another weekend of being in bed and getting thorough the hardships the chemo creates...... 

I have my next Pet Scan mid March, I will get my Oncologist office to schedule it for me tomorrow when I get there. I am hoping for the best news, nothing lights up on the scan, and this darn cancer got what it deserved and that it's gotten it's butt kicked. If that is the case, I will be considered in remission (if nothing lights up on the Pet Scan)  but I will continue chemo through May and hopefully be done with that mess for a long while, crossing my fingers and praying diligently. 

I have my life back. As I still fight for my life to rid my body of the rest of this disease I know that there is nothing greater than life and health ... When I recover from the chemo and procedures and the weeks that I don't have to do them, I feel amazing. Those amazing weeks get me through these weeks that are so hard on me and my entire body. I know that fighting isn't easy physically but mentally it's really sometimes even tougher. I have to push myself, I have to make myself do all the things that I know will bring me back up from the pain and hurt of the last things I have had done. I fight my way back each time. I know when to start fighting and when to rest and just let my body heal itself at times. 

I missed last week's gymnastic's class for my daughter because, I was in the hospital ,but you better believe I am going to be there tonight. Last Monday when I was leaving to go to the hospital and my sister was there to pick me up,. Evan stood in the doorway crying and begging me not to go. She was crying harder than I had ever seen her cry before and it tug at my heart strings more than it ever had before. I had to keep it together not only for her but for myself because I was hurting inside so bad for her and I knew that I had to keep my confidence and positive attitude as much as I could. The pain of all this isn't just the procedures, chemo, and all the physical things that go along with having cancer it's the emotional parts that are sometimes the hardest to endure. Evan has been incredible through all of this ... She is my rock .. Who would think that a 6 year old could be a grown woman's rock, she is though. That little girl loves me. she is my mini me if there ever could be. She is just like her mama, She is tough and tender all at the same time. Without her I honestly don't know that I could have kept it all together. She has given me and forced me to have the strength to get up out of the bed each time and fight my way back to feeling good again. I am so blessed and lucky to have her. She will be with her dad this weekend which is always a good time for me to catch up on much needed rest and relaxation. I have to say when she is in the house I don't get much of that. Even if she knows I am sleeping she comes in and checks on my which wakes me up ..every single time. She just loves me and I do my best not to get frustrated with her~! 

Mid March will be the true answer to what needs to be done next, let's hope nothing! Regardless each time Dr. Chamsuddin goes in I find myself getting closer and closer to remission. I am grateful. 

I had a defining moment that I wanted to share... 

I am part of a group on FB and a lady on there wrote that she saw her oncologist and that the ct scan results were not what they were hoping for and that she could no longer do any chemo or treatments and they were calling hospice in. Apparently she has been fight this same cancer I have for the last 2 years. Broke my heart for her. I don't know her and yet, I know her feelings and her pain of a disease that takes us all at one time or another even if in our minds to a large place of uncertainty in our own lives as cancer patients.  What hit me was she posted a little later that she had asked her doctor what her cancer marker was ... (which is the same cancer marker as I have) and she said it was at 368,000 she said that now had just become a number to her... I looked at my cancer marker growing from 168 to 300 and back down to 240 and how I was upset and I thought I should be ashamed of myself. I really did. WOW!!!! I have gone back to check on her and her post are gone now. I am not sure what that means and I hope it doesn't mean what I think it might. She was beautiful and she said all she wanted was to see her daughter graduate college, she was in her second year. She wanted to be the mother of the bride and Grandma!   It's hard to be part of group where people are suffering and they are passing away but I want to give people hope and have reached several people with the Y-90 treatment that are working on getting their own treatments. If I can save one person it makes this whole think worth it for me. I just want to help give hope, encouragement, strength, and direction to people that truly feel as if they have no where else to go! 

This disease, since day one has been bigger than just myself. The world is catching this disease. One day you are well, the next you are may just be fighting for your life. I know that I am no expert at any of this but I have the will and deserve to live and I will fight for my life the rest of my life. This coming Friday will be 1 year since being diagnosed with this horrible disease a year seems to have flown by and in other ways it seems like yesterday. Weird how all that works. 

I was told I would be dead within 12 months and here I am about to surpass that point and looking so far into the future that the past and it's uncertainty and misery has no place in my future. 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me... God is Good! 

Blog #54 ....Independence ....

Last night, I was meeting my working liver cancer group, we were meeting in midtown at Topflr, it’s a trendy little restaurant and what was so great about me going is... I drove myself there You have no idea what a huge accomplishment that is. ... I have always been independent and would drive any where at any time since I was 16 years old ....I have lost a lot of my independence with this disease...

Last night, I was driving down Ponce with the window down and my radio blaring in the wind as I drove to meet with some amazing people. It hit me as I was driving, I was alone. I was driving myself downtown and in the late afternoon to do something I wanted to do. It's a feeling I just can't explain, other than to know that since May of this year  I have pretty much been  confined to home, work, hospital, and doctors office. That has been my life and not doing the chemo this week has allowed me to find some energy and strength that I just have not had in months. The rush of feeling good enough to get out and do things is very exciting to me. I felt almost like a whole person again. I felt free. That my friend is worth all the suffering I have to go through to get my freedom and my life back... It's amazing that in these times that I have been able to pick myself up again, I can see more of the beauty and joys of life. I see the world differently. I see myself differently more than anything else. I hope that when the day comes and I am in """"remission""""" that I can get myself motivated to continue writing my book. I don't have the drive to do it right now. I will pull up my book every once in a while and write a little something. My heart just isn't on that and my mind isn't prepared to focus on it either right now. 

Tonight, I am driving Evan and me over to watch my niece, Georgia Ann, play softball. I have not gone to any of my sister’s kid’s games this whole year, and I tried to go as much as I could in the past. I hope Georgia will be surprised and happy to see us there. It's a stretch for me but I think that it's important to me to go and to enjoy the things I have always loved to do. I had planned on going so many times this year and when the time came I wasn't feeling good enough to go ... That has been painful for me too. To plan and want to do something and then have to back out because of how this disease makes me feel. Tonight cancer can kiss my ass, I am going and I will be cheering my sweet niece on to victory! 

In some ways your life truly becomes a prisoner to this disease. My life has revolved around getting better. About beating this monster and doing it with a vengeance... I don't regret that decision, in any way because I am fighting this to win. I am fighting this to rid my body of this monster 100% ... Nothing else will do for me  nor for Dr. Chamsuddin. .When I told my oncologist Wednesday that I could not do treatment because last week wore me out and I had just had another procedure done two weeks before, he looked at me and said "What's up with that guy, did he buy himself a new boat or something?" I laughed but to me it really wasn't that funny. I don't like being challenged about the decisions that I make. I do chemo with the oncologist office, and everything else is between Dr. Chamsuddin and I.... Hmmm!  I would go with the recommendation from the Interventional Radiologist long before I would go with what the Oncologist says any day! That is a fact..... At one of my appointments my oncologist said he would like to look at the pet scan on his system. I gave him the disc but it would not down load apparently on his old system, he said I would not know what I was looking for anyways. I found that odd. But, the radiologist is the confirmation of the cancer by biopsy or whatever form of confirmation they chose to use. I have learned a lot about medical systems and to be honest too many times the patients suffer and get misdiagnosed because someone has dropped the ball and those doctors are not the one's that suffer it's the patient and their love ones left behind. I simply know a little bit about this disease, I try to learn something new every day about the disease I have but there are so many different forms of cancer and so many different ways to treat certain things. I just know that I don't have the knowledge nor the education to make the life altering decisions for myself and therefore, I put my faith, hope, trust, and desires into a doctor that has been there for me and been fighting this battle beside me all the way. I think about the way I have been treated and cared for and I am so appreciative of all the chances I have been given to make things better for my life. 

I know Dr. Chamsuddin has a lot of patients. He has treated more than I could probably count; I just want him to know that I have to be the most appreciative one that he will ever have. My family loves him, we get tickled at him a lot especially the last time I saw him.  He came by my hospital room on second day, I was in the hospital and told me to go home, I told him I was being released by the doctor on the floor and was just waiting on him to sign me out ... He said "You need to gain weight or I am not going to treat you" I laughed and told him.... "I am not going anywhere I will stalk you, you are totally stuck with me" He laughed, we all laughed. I had not thought about the pressure I put on him writing my blog.. I am sure sometimes he will pull one up to read and roll his eyes at something I have had to say. I just know that without him and his incredible talents I would not be here. I would already be gone. I would be a distant memory in the lives of so many as my family cried for me every day.  When I first got sick I remember my sister calling me crying and telling me she wouldn't want to go on in life without me... Those things take your heart strings and can choke you up in a second. I know I am loved. I may not have always known that my whole life, but I know more than I have ever before now, I am and there is no greater feeling. I know through all that I have been through I will live much longer than we ever thought I would 8 months ago. I can still in my mind see that doctor’s face in the emergency room with tears in his eyes telling me I have liver cancer and it was really bad. I don't think I will ever forget that moment in my life. Those words and that morning were a life changer for sure. Nothing anyone had ever said to me before ever hurt that bad. It was painful. So painful that I would not allow myself to believe I would die. I have told myself throughout this journey that "I will not die” I am needed here, I have a 6 year old to protect and raise. Evan has been through every single day of this hell with me, but we both still wake up every day with a smile on our face, and we keep going. I love that little girl. When I was 40, single, and pregnant I questioned my sanity... and now I know that she's what keeps me going. She is my little rock.....

Life is short...... Today... is all we have and we may not always have that. It's never easy facing any tough things (decisions) in life. You make your choices in life and then you are left to face the consequences of those decisions, and most times it's not until years later when you are facing them. I have not always made the best choices in life, I smoked for many years, I worked harder than I guess I should have at times, I cared more about money, nice homes, and status than I cared about myself for many years. I have hurt other people and I have been hurt. I have always remained accountable for my actions and for the longest time I blamed myself for things that went wrong when I had nothing really to do with those things. I don't feel that way anymore. I close the past and for me I am looking into the future for my happiness. I have forgiven myself for all my wrong doings and that is all that matters. I just see so many people living in the past. So many people that suffer and blame themselves for everything that just isn't even worth worrying about. Happiness is a choice ... Happiness is so important for a good life... A carefree happy person will live a lot longer then a resentful and self inflicted pain person ever will. Let go and be happy! 

Don’t cry for me  … Pray for me…. Thank you all for your love and support ….

Post #29... Working on my happy ever after, 1 day at a time.....

It's been a while since I have posted a blog. So much has been happening in this journey and seems that I run out of time during my day to post. When I get home I try my best to be a mom and enjoy every moment I have with my little girl, Evan Raine.

Last week I had treatments 3 days in a row, and by the last treatment for the week (Thursday) I seriously was completely wiped out. I wanted so bad to call in sick, and see if they could just schedule me for Friday instead, I sucked it up, and drove my hour drive, one way to treatment!  By the time I was done with my treatment,  I was so glad that I was going to have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, and I could rest. 

 Friday morning I got to work, and I was still tired and felt I was needing some girl time. Just to escape my treatments, job, and mama duties, and take an afternoon to enjoy with a friend. I called my friend Tonya, and we had decided to meet for lunch at noon, and then go and watch a movie at one. I was tickled pink, I was so looking forward to going, I had a couple of hours getting caught up with work and if I snuck out of the office for a few hours of fun, I knew I deserved it. I left the office a little early as I wanted to make sure I was there on time. I was almost there and I felt and heard my tire do something a little funny, and then the tire blew out, I was lucky I had already slowed down some before that, and I was able to pull my truck off the side of the road without having any other problems. I got out, looked at my completely flat tire, and I have to be honest, I had no idea what I was going to do. The one thing I can not do is.... Change a tire. I actually called my friend Tonya I was meeting for lunch and told her what had happened, she said she would be right over there. I asked her " Do you know how to change a tire?" She said "No" We laughed. 

In the meantime... a couple had stopped and asked if I needed help, I said "Yes, I would so appreciate that" They were the nicest people, and after the husband started working on the tire, his wife and I were talking and she told me about her husband not long ago having a heart transplant. Here this caring and amazing man was after all he had personally gone through, in the heat changing my tire. The bad thing is 40-50 other cars had just passed me by and never considered stopping to help me and this man, didn't bat an eye at helping me. 

The bad thing is my spare tire was put in under my truck wrong and there was no getting it out of there. Believe me, he tried his hardest for over an hour and a half. Tonya's dad owns B&H Wrecker Service (they are awesome) in Covington, GA, and sent a tow truck to get my truck the driver Wesley, was going to get the tire out from under there  himself, he spent 30-45 minutes working on it, to no avail. He loaded my truck up, as I gave the couple and Wesley, the tow truck driver one of my shirts. The couple would not take any money, I offered, however, I got their address and plan to send them something special this week. They deserved it, they melted my heart and they are the sweetest people. Wesley, was about to drive off with my truck and handed Tonya $40 and told her to take us to lunch, I totally had tears in my eyes at the outpouring of help and compassion I received. 

My truck got towed to Tires -N- Wheels on Washington Street in Covington.  Tonya and I went to lunch and when she took me back to get my car, they told me that somehow that spare tire had been put in wrong, they fixed that and fixed the tire and I was ready to go... I asked "How much do I owe you?" (I only had $50 on me and was planning on borrowing money from Tonya until I saw her again on Sunday.)  He looked at me and said "You don't owe us anything"I cried again and went out to my truck and got two shirts to give them.  They said they would wear them and we said our goodbye's.When we got outside Tonya looked at me and said "They couldn't fix your tire and they put you on a new one" with tears once again in my eyes I said "They didn't have to do that" She said "They said that was the least they could do" I thought about all these blessings this weekend. The kindness from one stranger to another and the willingness to help someone else in need is amazing to me. 

My friend Silvia, has worked hard at planning the Zumbathon for me, as a fund raiser. I am looking forward to seeing so many people I have not seen in a while, looking forward to just enjoying the day with so many people that care about me and that are giving up time in the middle of a Saturday to come out and support me, it means so much to me!

My friend Lisa has designed, ordered, and paid for....           (Team Christy) bracelets, to help me in my journey. They are so cute and she is an amazing friend to give of her own will to me and to help me in making my journey through cancer, financially better. You can order yours at  www.Team-Christy.com

 

My friend Mimi, had my shirts designed, printed, and paid for as my fund raiser, and our second order the company donated the shirts to me, Signature Inc Printing in Greenville, SC.  They are amazing and we have sold a lot of shirts and I can't wait to see every one wearing them Saturday. You can come out to the Zumbathon on Saturday and get your shirt there or you can order online at www.Team-Christy.com

God is good. God had brought forth some of the most amazing people in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

Tonight, my neighbor and two of her daughters came by and picked up Evan and they are walking my neighborhood to put a flyer's on everyone's mail box about the Zumbathon this Saturday.  She is so amazing, I remember the day I told her, it was at the kids school, and I was there for the ceremony for  "Jag of  the month" This is the special child in each class that is rewarded. Last year she was not it one time, and this year she was concerned she would not get it again.  It just so happened that the day I found out I had liver cancer at the hospital, she was told she was jag of the month. It was one of the most horrible days of my entire life, and one of the happiest for my daughter. Amazing how things can happen like that.  Anyways, my neighbor was sitting there at the ceremony with her two daughters and mom, she could see me crying so I pull up my first blog and handed her my phone, I could see her reading, and she hugged me, and didn't say much, but that was a shock to her too I know. Since that day she has been the best neighbor I could ever ask for, she has been doing every thing she can to raise money to help me, her love for me is so encouraging and I am so grateful to have a friend in her.  She makes me smile with her genuine care and concern for me. 

I'm just still doing treatments 3 days a week, and not much changes, no testing lately. A few weeks ago one of my cancer markers was up and the other was down. I got a little discouraged. I have no patience. And this journey is going to teach me patience, for sure.  The doc came in today and felt my liver, and said it was detracting, it was not as swollen and it felt softer!!!!  Those words were like music to my ears. I want to be cured. I do pray to God every night to spare my life. I want to live .. I want to live like I have never lived before. I want to do things that most people never consider doing, I want to give the life that I have been given to help others.  Right now, I am accepting and appreciating the help from others, but I promise you one thing, I am really trying to pay it forward  even when it is being given to me.  

I saw my traumatic counselor this week  for the first time...she asked me what I wanted her to help me with..... I told her 

To be happy every day of my mine, to appreciate every thing I can, and still prepare me for what might happen. 

It broke my heart to say those words and to even think about now, but I am realistic and I have to be open to whatever God's plan is for me.... I just know that the Grace I am being shown in life is something I have never felt before and for every single person that is giving of their time, money, prays, heart, and soul to me, you are making me a BETTER person every single day and I hope you all see my journey and see a more beautiful life in front of yourself as well. 

Remember.... Don't cry for me... Pray for me. Please keep all of those people we care for and love in our prayers every day as well.