The resort was beautiful. The food was good. I'm still not able to eat a lot at once.. so I found myself eating several times throughout the day. Which was fine with me. At breakfast I would grab a few boxes of cereal and have a morning snack laying there on the beach with my 70 proof sunscreen on under the umbrella.I honestly spent most of my days there ..writing my book. I enjoyed that. There's just something very special about writing such a heartbreaking and inspirational story in such an amazing place. 
It's weird the few people that I met on the trip... one lady was from England she's in remission from breast cancer for 5 years. Another couple their best friend had been battling cancer and on the airplane ride home I sat next to a sweet couple that she was in remission from lung cancer that had metatized to her liver and been Cancer free for 2 1/2 years now. It's so crazy Cancer is everywhere. I hope to hear remission one day myself and yet today in this moment... I find myself at the swimming pool with my daughter and grandson. Something I wasn't able to do last summer. I didn't even spend the money to join our neighborhood pool last year because I knew that there was no way I could take her! I promised her so many times last summer that I was going to be better next year, and here I am feeling good and glad that I can enjoy this time again with her! It's been a long 12 months. My first treatment was the Y90 on 5/22/2014 Almost a whole year ago. I reflect back on all that I have been through and how I have felt ...to be honest I don't really even know how I have gotten through it other than a great doctor, prayers, and God's Grace.
I hope that my story is read and shared to show that no matter how painful and bad you feel that the days that you find yourself up and feeling so good again makes every single day of misery worth it all. I'm all about my family and friends. My heart is tender and it's been tested so many times over this last year. I've spent a lot of time soul searching laying in my bed and knowing that when and if I made it through this, I would forever be changed. I feel that I have been changed for the better. I've been changed to be and accept the things that will never make sense to me. I will never understand Cancer I will never understand a lot of things but I know now that I don't have to know it all. I just have learned to appreciate each and every day I have and to share my story in hopes to make a difference in someone else's life. That's very important to me. I personally haven't had anyone else to learn from I learned together with the people I've met on on this often ever so lonely road. I wish I had someone that shared their personally journey with me that I could read and know what to expect. I know that everyone is different but the basic information of what I could expect with each procedure I was having would've been nice. 
I feel like I'm a pro now. I know what going to happen and what to expect with the aftermath of each procedure and chemo treatment
Life is good. I'm at a great place. Evan is out of the school for the summer and that takes a lot of pressure off. No fighting to get up and get ready in time for the bus and homework. It's fun time even though I plan for her to do some tutoring this summer she's struggling a little with math and I think some one on one attention will help her with that. She ended the school year with all B's like most parents I would like all A's. She's capable of it and with a little extra expense and time I think she will be jumping ahead a little bit I would rather her be ahead than behind! I want her to have every opportunity to be whatever she choses to be and even though she's just 7 I feel it's the perfect time to get things started! 
Life is just always full of stuff. Things that need to be done and things that have to be. Even with me being sick life has continued to go on. I slowed way down in my life, in a lot of ways and to be perfectly honest it wasn't such a bad thing anyways. I've been an overachiever my entire life. Settling for less has just never been an option for me. Just being average wasn't ever meant for me and I find that the same as I have battled this disease. I knew from that very first day
I would be giving this monster all I had inside of me to give to fight it off. And days like my week in Mexico and today by the pool with the kids is all part of my reward for fighting! There have been times I wasn't sure that I would make it through that day much less a year into treatment and feeling good. 
I'm back to chemo next week. I hate it. I can't lie about that but I know that I have to do whatever it takes to keep this monster manageable and for me it's all about making sure that happens. This summer with doing every other week will help a lot on having time to do things with the kids and feeling good enough to do them. 
I am excited a friend's daughter is having her gender reveal party tonight and it's nice being able to go and do things that at one time in this journey, I would not have been able to do. 
You never know how hard it is to overcome something until you are giving Some thing you are going through your all! This journey has been as tough mentally as it has physically at times. I think I did a good job of keeping it all together. There were times I thought I would lose my mind I worried way too much, and thought about to many different scenarios. I had things to plan out just in case and things I had to come to grips with in my mind. I spent a lot of time alone thinking about what to do How to handle certain situations and how to just stay within the moment and not to let myself get to far ahead. I was talking with someone about some of the things that I have already prepared for and they took it as a negative when really we should all be prepared for what could happen especially people with small children. It's important not only because you are sick ...but because honestly... you never know what might happen. Life is short. I do feel like one of the lucky ones.
I know Sweet Melissa's funeral is today. Even though I never met her in person following in her own journey through ovarian cancer I felt I had gotten to know her. I cheered her own, prayed for her, and cried when I knew her time on this earth was close to the end. It's hard. Some times life just doesn't make any sense. How the pain of losing someone is never easy. The fact is... We are all going to die one day of one thing or another. None of us will live forever. So don't waste your days being unhappy. I keep reading a friends post on FB about her cheating husband and how she had caught him cheating over and over again and just saying those words of an idle threat that never go past words. I say if you are that unhappy and willing to share the infidelity with the world you should be strong enough to let the relationship go because everyone deserves to be happy. Talk is cheap and actions speak much louder than words. 
I thought about how I never dreamed 12 months ago I would have been able to go on a week long girls trip out of the country. How I still have my life to live and how it's really nothing short of a miracle that truly is. I am enjoying feeling good and know that I have so many more days so good left to live and enjoy.
I'm happy to be home and I'm happy to be me. No matter what I've endured and no matter how much further I have to go it's my legacy, my story, my life to share in hopes to bring brighter days to someone else in need 
Don't cry for me. Pray for me. Know that nothing last forever and with determination and God's GRACE anything is possible.
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