Blog #96 Patience is a virtue... So they say....

I know there are a lot of you that follow my story through my blog... and I didn't want to leave you all hanging about my pet scan results. 

Unfortunately, I received a text Sunday morning that for some reason my scan didn't get uploaded into the system for Dr Chamsuddin to have a way to view the scan. For whatever reason.... it really doesn't matter. Furthermore, he texted me later in the day to tell me he would not be available to review it for a few days. Which to be honest is fine with me. Someone very close to me is  out of  town on a vacation and I didn't really want to hear any news while they were gone. This disease takes away so much of us on a daily basis and I just want them to go on vacation and not have to worry about getting any news about me. 

As much as it would be nice to know the outcome... I'm truly okay with waiting. As much as this disease is about me,it's very much a part of the people that love me, and their lives  too. It's hard on us all. My friends are more like my family. 

This weekend was a great weekend. Friday was my sister's twins, Jimbo & Georgia's 9th birthday. We all met and had Japanese. My niece Ansleigh, had her birthday April 12th and because of all that's been going on with me... I missed her birthday. So, I gave them all a card with $100 in it. They were so excited. My sister said they counted their money at least 100 times that night and 100 times the next morning. I was the best Aunt in the world that night and it melted my heart to see them so happy. My sister wasn't happy that I had given them all that much, but I had the money and sometimes you realize that giving a little more is what will make the ones you love happy and you just go above and beyond for them. I am just glad I was here and alive to celebrate and see the joy on their faces because I love them all so much and miss the time we all spent together so much more than I can right now. They understand but sometimes I wish my heart would. 

Saturday, afternoon I went to a fun slip and slide fireball shots party at my friends Tonya and Johnny's house it  was so much fun. I felt great all day and enjoyed spending the entire day with some of the best people you could ever wish to have as friends. I of course didn't do the slip and slide nor did I do the fireball shots, and sometimes its truly a lot safer and fun sitting on the sidelines just watching and laughing. 

On Sunday,  friend's Linda and Kim came over and painted Evan's room purple . Something she had wanted for a long time and it melts my heart all that they are willing and able to do to help me in this time of need in my life. I know it's for no other reason than they love me. I hope that I can one day be as good of a friend to my friends has they have been to me. 

Life is good. Nothing new still the back pain but I am trying to maintain my tolerance for it until we see what might need to be done to fix it. I am just in that waiting game right now. Waiting for the pet scan results to see what we may or may not have to do next. I am praying hard that all the cancer in my liver is gone. I know there is a spot on my lung, if I am lucky enough the chemo has gotten that and I can just begin to heal and recover from all I have been through ... Time will tell....

My friend Ashley's mom and I talked at the party for a long time on Saturday. She said she was thrilled with the success that I have been having with my treatments and she is a registered nurse and told me she had really never heard of anyone making it over 6 months with the advance stage of liver cancer that I had. But, she had not known anyone that had gone to the lengths that I have to get rid of it. I told her mom that after the alternative medicine and the marker going up sky high that I knew I had to do something and I just went for it. I risked it all to have any chance of helping to extend my life. I really risked it all. I had no other choice. I was not accepting the fact that I would die. I didn't want and still do not want to die, I know that is not up to me. I believe that there is a plan for me. I think I am traveling and following that plan every day that I live and every day that I share my story. I never knew what to expect. I never questioned what next because I knew no one had the ultimate answer I would be looking for. The thing about my journey is that I have had the faith and the ultimate care to survive where I am. I feel like a hero because I hear that so much from people. That I am some miracle and I know in my heart that I am. I want to win this battle not just for me but for all the people that have been like me, told there was no hope for them. There is hope. Sometimes, you have to be willing to risk it all to make that happen. I didn't honestly think of it like that when I was making the decisions to do the Y90 I didn't believe I was dying. I didn't feel, look. nor act like I was not going to die... I was dedicated to myself in a way I have never really been dedicated to anyone else in my life. I fought and I feel like I have won. I have won longer than anyone ever thought I would live. My body is good. My mind is sharp. My heart and soul are stronger than they have ever been. My will to live is as bigger than I ever knew it could be. I never was faced with dying before getting cancer, never had any close calls. Disease and dying was other people's problems until 2/6/2014. 

That day is branded in my mind. It will forever change who I am and who I have become. I am just grateful .. I am happy. I am rejoicing in the days I feel good and laying in bed recovering in the days I feel bad. I just go with how my body feels. My mind is always saying get up and do stuff but it's almost impossible when my body just can not get the get up and go it has always had. It really depressed me in the beginning. It would upset me so bad but I guess I have gotten more use to it by 12 months of doing the chemo and procedures and I just do what I feel like and don't do anything when I don't. 

I am more than this person fighting for my life. I am so much more inside than trying to make it through a disease that I don't understand but I am this person that deserves to live my life and when I am feeling good I go back to being me. I do almost all the things I always have. I just do them less frequently. I try to make the most of every single day. 

I am happy. I love seeing people that tell me how amazing I look. How if they didn't know that I was sick they would never know it. I don't look like I guess someone with cancer should look... But how are they suppose to look? There is no diagram to show how a person with this or that cancer should look but for now I am doing great... Unfortunately....it's chemo week again so Wednesday.... I am back to the dreaded treatment but it's working and therefore, I do what I have to do. When you are getting such amazing results how do you question or refuse the treatments that are truly giving you  your life back?

My baby girl is at the beach with her dad and step mom this week and it's hard to be without her. I miss her when she is gone and then when she comes back complaining about being bored and this and that I wish she were off doing something besides driving me nuts. She is such a good kid. She is so strong and going through all that she has with me she will be stronger than she ever should be. She is my world I love her so much. She keeps asking me "Are you seeing Dr. Chamsuddin this week?" I tell her "No,honey not this week" she is so anxious to meet him she talks about him all the time I guess because I am always talking about him with people too. She loves him .. She is so happy that he has saved her mama and she prays every night the treatments continue to work and get rid of this horrible disease. She wants to just meet him and give him a big hug. I always tell her soon ...

I should be posting again at the end of the week as long as I am feeling okay after chemo. Even if it's a small post I will post I promise. 

Thank you for reading, sharing and ultimately praying for me and my family. Prayers are answered every day. 

Don't cry for me.... Pray for me! 

Blog #95... Truthful fears and insecurities on Pet Scan Days.....

I have so much restless energy, today. I can't eat because... I am having the pet scan and I am starving. Go figure, these days I am never really hungry and because I can not eat, I want to eat even more. I hate that about myself. I always have wanted the things I can't have, just because I can't have something, it makes me want it more. It's all so crazy!

I am looking forward to doing the pet scan and yet in my mind I am so uncertain about it. I go from being okay to worrying about every single little thing that doesn't mean anything at all. I go to that place of total fear, fear what the results are going to be, fear that cancer may have gone somewhere else and spread, fear that I didn't do chemo for 3 weeks so I could enjoy my girls trip and I fear because of that I messed something up with the cancer. I feel guilty for this monster living inside of me. The monster could care less about my feelings or emotions it just wants to take my life and the harder I fight the more stubborn it has seemed to become. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I may be free and I know in the back of my mind since there is still a cancer marker indicating cancer that the cancer is still there. How much torture can this disease really take? We have blasted this crap to the max, we have gone above and beyond what is normal to kill this disease and it still keeps wanting and coming back for more... I want to just cuss it out,. I want it to go away. I want it to just leave me alone and let me have ALL of my life back and this just isn't up to me. It's a fighter. Cancer has it own way of recreating itself and I don't understand it. 

I want to believe that what we have done is enough... but I don't ever go into anything trying to pretend that the mere facts don't exist. I am a person that looks at the whole picture. I know the picture is beautiful and I see the life living inside of it and yet as much as I want to believe that the fairy tale is there... I am in reality knowing that I have more work to do. That this monster is wanting more torture to see if it will finally give up and just walk away from me and what next go to someone else? That is even worse. I wish there was no cancer. I wish there was a cure. A way to know how to get this disease from even entering and invading anyone's body. It breaks my heart and yet I face this disease myself every single day. I wake up checking my glucose to make sure it's not to high. I take pain pills a couple of times a day just to deal with the back pain, I think about the chemo when I am completely wiped out convincing myself I wont be feeling this way much longer as it leaves my system. And then there are these all so dreaded pet scans that I hate almost as much as anything else about cancer. 

 It's the answers we are looking to find but it's not always the answer I am wanting to hear. I am not negative about any of this I am just a patient going through this horrible disease. This painful disease that takes so much of my body and mind and I know that I am fighting for my life. I fight to stay alive. I fight to beat this monster I can not see. I fight to raise my daughter and to be here with the people that I love. It hurts deeply. I fear the things that I never let come from my mouth. The words that break my heart inside that no one can ever see because I fight for the right to make those words unspoken with each day I do a treatment, take a pill, or do another test. I wish I were not this person. But I am .. But I am! 

This road has been full of amazing people cheering me on and yet with all the love and support I am shown... I feel so alone sometimes. The realty of this disease for me is every single day. It never becomes old news for me it's always forefront in my mind. I have been open and honest with this journey, there are days that are good and there are days that I have total fear in my mind. Today is just one of those days. Every 3 months I have these pet scans done I get myself all worked up and worried. I like being scheduled and having it done first thing in the morning. That way it is done and over with and today I am schedule for 1;30 and that leaves me almost the whole day to sit and think about it. I hate that. Once it's done and over with I don't seem to worry as much I  seem to find a calmness. 

I just wanted to open my heart and write the words that were on my mind today. I know either way good or bad news I have and will continue to give this monster all that I have inside of me to kick it's butt. It's not an easy road at all. But, it's what I am facing and it's what has to be done. 

Please pray for me to find the peace that I need to get through today. I really appreciate your thoughts and support! I wonder sometimes if my test days and reading my results can hurt Dr. Chamsuddin as they hurt me.I know it's hard to be my doctor sometimes,because I am so in your face and so a part of your life and my story has been read and shared with so many people. I tell him all the time one day I will be famous, he laughs and says "You already are" that is what makes him great! 

I feel like Dr. Chamsuddin is a much as a part of my journey... as anyone in my family is. I remember the last results when he called and had to tell me that there were 5 new tumors that had shown up, I could hear in the tone of his voice, I knew it was hard for him  to see those results much less to have to tell me. But here is the thing... He has not given up on me. He keeps pushing himself and pushing me along this road of cancer and he is the expert and no matter what today's results may show I know in my heart that no matter what is or isn't there... I am with the doctor that I am suppose to be on this journey with. I would not change a single thing, except to have believed a lot sooner and just gone for it a month or two earlier. I had to search my options and just glad my best option was still there and available when I finally made my mind up. Dr. Chamsuddin is my hero he is an amazing man and doctor and because of him I am here to still write and share my story, I have no doubt about that at all. 

Don't cry for me.... Pray for me..

Blog #94 Please Pray for me... Pet Scan is tomorrow..

Here I go.... again.... My next pet scan is scheduled for tomorrow. I always find myself getting very anxious the day or so before the scan. It's the results I worry about... not the scan itself. I have the scan procedure down to a science I could administer the treatment myself, if the truth be known. I have a lot of things on my mind before having this done. It's the tell all of where the cancer is within my body and as I hope and pray to God that all the cancer is out of my liver, I just don't know. 

Before going on my trip to Mexico I put off any chemo treatments and my cancer marker. I just wanted to go on the trip and not worry about anything more than I already had on my mind. I had chemo last week and I asked the doctor to order my cancer marker, it went up a tiny bit It went from 188 to 208 which honestly... was not alarming to me at all. Last time it went up, it doubled so I felt okay with being where it is. This disease gives me all sorts of things to think about. I have to pay close attention to my blood work. Certain test determine certain functions. It's so weird how our blood work says so much about how our body is working. 

Things are okay with me. Chemo did it's usual thing and wore me out this past weekend. I pushed myself a little more than I normally would to get up and do things. It was a holiday weekend and I didn't want to be stuck in the bed while everyone else was out having fun. Besides, I had promised my daughter, Evan, that I would be better this summer and so far I have done good fulfilling that commitment I made to her. I am just hoping that there is no new procedure on the horizon, that will be determined by the pet scan and what Dr. Chamsuddin thinks should or should not be done next. 

Life is crazy I am still trying to work as hard as I always have and some days that commitment is a little harder to fulfill than others. I just don't always feel good enough to be sitting here at my desk at work... so there are a lot of times that I find myself going home and working from there. Not that it matters, none of my customers know, I know and I know me and I want to be productive and for me being productive is being in the office working. I am weird about certain things. 

 I have always been harder on myself than anyone else has ever thought about being on me. I just think that I should and could always push myself a little more. I guess you can say I am not so much that way anymore. I know when my body needs rest. I know when I am tired and I need to lay down. I know that I can not  be that person I once was at least right now. I just know that I want to beat this disease and if it means me changing to allow my body the time and rest that it needs to do that, than I will do it.

 Life is a lot simpler when you are not sick, that's for sure. It's not easy getting up every day and not knowing what the day holds if you will feel good enough to make plans with other people. I have really tired to avoid making plans, I don't make commitments to people because it's not that I worry about hurting them... it's that I worry about it upsetting me, if I can't go. I have always been that person that was "all in" on anything but I have learned that I can no longer be that person so when and if I feel good enough I go and if I don't I just stay home. It's really a lot more of a mental aspect of having cancer that makes the disease so hard. It takes away parts of you that you never thought it could and then it gives you such new and better perceptive on life in general. Being sick makes you see and appreciate the little things more than you ever thought you could. It's not easy to see sometimes because looking back on life you realize all the things you might have missed out on. 

I have had so many people contact me over the last several weeks about their own family members being diagnosed with cancer.  Where is this coming from? Statistic's say that 1 in 18 people will have some form of cancer or another. That is unacceptable. It's heartbreaking. And unfortunately with no cure, there is simply no way to even know where all these cancer dx are coming from. I see fight for a cure but where is the cure. Who has the cure? When will this monster ever began to lose it's battle in our bodies if we can not figure out where it is even coming from?

I get upset sometimes when someone new reaches out to me. I want to make things better for them as I have been given this second chance at life that I say I wasn't suppose to have but I don't believe that/ I was lead to where I was given this chance with..... 1 man that was willing to take a chance on me. 

Willing to take me on and risk it all to do what he could do to give me back my life. As much as I took a chance on him he also took that chance on me when no one else was even willing to do so. I talk a lot about Dr. Chamsuddin. I know I sing his praises because honestly I have no other reason to be here and alive without his expertise and God's grace.  It makes you realize how special you are in the eyes of others. Dr. Chamsuddin. has gotten to know me on a personal level I have given him my single mom book I published, I gave him a Team Christy shirt, I have laid my heart out on the line about the love for my friends and family. I made myself more than just a patient I was a person. I wanted the person I walked down this journey with to know who I am that has been very important to me. I wanted him to know that his efforts and his strides to helping me is more than just about a patient laying on a table he was treating That I have a life and that I have so much more to live for. Some doctors could really care less. Each patient is a patient and they will do what they can for them and that is the most involvement that they had with the person. I am more than that, I wanted to live and I wanted Dr. Chamsuddin and the entire world to know that I wanted that more than anything else in this world. I have been the person that made the decision to do all the procedures and not once have I looked back and thought... I should not have done that... Every hard thing I have been through has lead me to today... Almost 16 months still alive, not just alive but being a full time mother and insurance agent working full time. I am still very active and functional in my life and for that I am so forever grateful. I don't know what the future holds. It's all about a little nuclear sugar inserted into my body tomorrow as I lay in a machine that will give us the answers we are all longing to hear. It may be the best news I have ever heard and it could be that we are back to fighting the monster  again... Regardless I have the most amazing people in my life to cheer me on, cry with me, pray for me, and to lead me on to victory in the long term of whatever and wherever this disease my lead me. 

Please say a prayer for me and know that God has done amazing things so far and I know in my heart he will continue to do so and lead me the right direction for my life. 

I want to live. I will never give up a day that I am breathing on this earth to fight this monster inside of me. I know that when I was told I would not lie 12 months I never could and would accept that. Not because of any other reason than I knew I was in good hands! I knew that I believed in and trusted Dr. Chamsuddin in a way that I had never ever trusted another human being in my life. I respect him and I really care for him. He has given me hope and hope is more than I ever thought I could have had before. I cried one time in Mexico just thinking about the fact that a year ago I would have never dreamed it possible for me to be on a girls trip much less out of the country... He has given me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for and that's the second chance at life. I believe there is a higher power calling me to lead in my journey of cancer not only for the good of the people that personally know me but for the strangers I meet along the way. I am so happy to have the opportunity to share my story and to give hope to others when they may feel there is no hope left for them. I wish my heart were bigger, I wish I could travel the world sharing my story, and so instead I use the internet. I checked my google plus account another place I post my blog and I have had to date 471,755 views.. Amen is all I can say. 

I have been busy writing my story. I have put a lot of time and energy into writing my book because Dr. Chamsuddin says it's time. I know it is mainly because I feel good enough to write it. This whole time I have been sick I have been putting the cards on my wall at work. It was my wall of inspiration. When I decided to write the book I thought those cards would be a great tribute to the love and kindness I have been shown by so many so I have cut up the cards into pictures and words and placed them strategically throughout the book. I wrote to Ellen yesterday and I am hoping to hear from her about my story and also I am going to write my contact again with Oprah's Network and see where I can get this book going. It's a true story it's my story that I have shared all throughout the journey but I hope that I can make something more happen with the book and hopefully reach people that have been given what I was given... No hope.... I was given hope by one doctor that was willing to take a chance on me as much as I was willing to take a chance on him. Together we make a great team. I wish everyone had their own Dr. Chamsuddin, but I am willing to share mine if it will save lives. 

Don't cry for me.... Pray for me....Thank you for reading and sharing my story you never know who may read this and need their own sense of hope today! 

Blog #92 When you accept things and live beyond your expectations

Home Sweet Home. Our trip to Mexico was awesome. The weather was perfect. The breeze off the ocean was simply heaven. I felt good all week...other than my back pain, nothing really hurt. The beach massage helped that... some. I got a little tired walking back and forth from our room to the beach but it wasn't so bad. 

The resort was beautiful.  The food was good. I'm still not able to eat a lot at once.. so I found myself eating several times throughout the day. Which was fine with me. At breakfast I would grab a few boxes of cereal and have a morning snack laying there on the  beach with my 70 proof sunscreen on under the umbrella.I honestly spent  most of my days there ..writing my book. I enjoyed that. There's just something very  special about writing such a heartbreaking and inspirational story in such an amazing place. 

It's weird the few people that I met on the trip... one lady was from England she's   in remission  from breast cancer  for 5 years. Another couple their best friend had been battling cancer and on the airplane ride home I sat next to a sweet couple that she was in remission from lung cancer that had metatized to her liver and been Cancer free for 2 1/2 years now.   It's so crazy Cancer is everywhere.  I hope to hear remission one day myself and yet today in this moment... I find myself at the swimming pool with my daughter and grandson. Something I wasn't able to do last summer. I didn't even spend the money to join our neighborhood pool last year because I knew that there was no way I could take her! I promised her so many times last  summer that I was going to be better next year, and here I am feeling good and glad that I can enjoy this time again with her!  It's been a long 12 months. My first treatment was the Y90 on 5/22/2014   Almost a whole year ago. I reflect back on all that I have been through and how I have felt ...to be honest I don't really even know how I have gotten through it other than a great doctor, prayers, and God's Grace. 

I hope that my story is read and shared to show that no matter how painful and bad you feel that the days that you find yourself up and feeling so good again makes every single day of misery worth it all. I'm all about my family and friends. My heart is tender and it's been tested so many times over this last year. I've spent a lot of time soul searching laying in my bed and knowing that when and if I made it through this, I would forever be changed.  I feel that I have been changed for the better. I've been changed to be and accept the things that will never make sense to me. I will never understand Cancer I will never understand a lot of things but I know now that I don't have to know it all. I just have learned to appreciate each and every day I have and to share my story in hopes to make a difference in someone else's life. That's very important to me. I personally haven't had anyone else to learn from I learned together with the people I've met on on this often ever so lonely road.   I wish I had someone that shared their personally journey with me that I could read and know what to expect. I know that everyone is different but the basic information of what I could expect with each procedure I was having would've been nice. 

I feel like I'm a pro now. I know what going to happen and what to expect with the aftermath of each procedure and chemo treatment 

Life is good. I'm at a great place. Evan is out of the school for the summer and that takes a lot of pressure off. No fighting to get up and get ready in time for the bus and homework. It's fun time even though I  plan for her to do some tutoring this summer she's struggling a little with math and I think some one on one attention will help her with that.  She ended the school year with all B's like most parents I would like all A's. She's capable of it and with a little extra expense and time I think she will be jumping ahead a little bit I would rather her be ahead than behind! I want her to have every opportunity to be whatever she choses to be and even though she's just 7 I feel it's the perfect time to get things started! 

Life is just always full of stuff. Things that need to be done and things that have to be. Even with me being sick life has continued to go on. I slowed way down in my life, in a lot of ways and to be perfectly honest it wasn't such a bad thing anyways. I've been an overachiever my entire life.  Settling for less has just never been an option for me. Just being average wasn't ever meant for me and I find that the same as I have battled this disease.  I knew from that very  first day

 I would be giving this monster all I had inside of me to give to fight it off. And days like my week in Mexico and today by the pool with the kids is all part of my reward for fighting! There have been times I wasn't sure that I would make it through that day much less a year into treatment and feeling good. 

I'm back to chemo next week. I hate it. I can't lie about that but I know that I have to do whatever it takes to keep this monster manageable and for me it's all about making sure that happens. This summer with doing every other week will help a lot on having time to do things with the kids and feeling good enough to do them. 

I am excited a friend's daughter is having her gender reveal party tonight and it's nice being able to go and do things that at one time in this journey, I would not have been able to do.  

You never know how hard it is to overcome something until you are giving Some thing you are going through your all! This journey has been as tough mentally as it has physically at times. I think I did a good job of keeping it all together. There were times I thought I would lose my mind   I worried way too much, and thought about to many different scenarios. I had things to plan out just in case and things I had to come to grips with in my mind. I spent a lot of time alone thinking about what to do   How to handle certain situations and how to just stay within the moment and not to let myself get to far ahead. I was talking with someone about some of the things that I have already prepared for and they took it as a negative when  really we should all be prepared for what could happen especially people with small children. It's important not only because you are sick ...but because honestly... you never know what might happen.  Life is short. I do feel like one of the lucky ones.

 I know Sweet Melissa's funeral is today. Even though I never met her in person following in her own journey through ovarian cancer I felt I had gotten to know her. I cheered her own, prayed for her, and cried when I knew her time on this earth was close to the end. It's hard.  Some times life just doesn't make any sense. How the pain of losing someone is never easy. The fact is... We are all going to die one day of one thing or another. None of us will live forever. So don't waste your days being unhappy. I keep reading a friends post on FB about her cheating husband and how she had caught him cheating over and over again and just saying those words of an idle threat that never go past words. I say if you are that unhappy and willing to share the infidelity with the world you should be strong enough to let the relationship go because everyone deserves to be happy. Talk is cheap and actions speak much louder than words. 

I thought about how I never dreamed 12 months ago I would have been able to go on a week long girls trip out of the country. How I still have my life to live and how it's really nothing short of a miracle that truly is.  I am enjoying feeling good and know that I have so many more days so good left to live and enjoy. 

I'm happy to be home and I'm happy to be me. No matter what I've endured and no matter how much further I have to go it's my legacy, my story, my life to share in hopes to bring brighter days to someone else in need 

Don't cry for me. Pray for me. Know that nothing last forever and with determination and God's GRACE anything is possible. 

Blog #87 Emory, MRI, and Hope for Remission

On my way to Emory to have an MRI early this morning, to see if the tumor board will approve a resection of my liver on the right side. Doesn't that sound like a horrible way to start the week? It does in some ways and yet in others it could be what gives me back a Cancer free life and how can that be horrible?

I'm very nervous as to the results. I am a control freak and traveling this journey there isn't a thing I'm able to control. I just have to "GO WITH IT" sometimes that really is just the hardest thing to do. I have all my faith in Dr Chamsuddin and if he feel this is my only option than I refuse to question it. I know he will only lead me down the road of success through fighting this 

Yesterday,  I spent most of the afternoon crying when no one else was around and just cried my eyes out. Cried because I have this disease .. I cried because I still have to fight.I  Cried for the unknown which is dumb because really there is nothing to cry about when you don't even know what you are crying for. I have to do this. I have to go lay my little body in a tube for 30 minutes while a machine spins around me making images of my body so that the specialist on a board at Emory can make a decision about what can and should be done with me. This Cancer is nasty. It's slow growing but regardless it's growing inside of me as we did the Y90 I pray to God got it all... but the issue is this beast just wants to come back! It likes me. It like attacking my body and as I work so hard to fight to get rid of it apparently it's  fighting just as hard to stay just where it is! 

I'm okay. I'm recovering well from the last Y90 a few days ago. It takes a little time and my body needs rest and it's really hard to rest good when you are taking steroids ...those just seem to jack me up. I only slept a few hours last night. My mind kept wondering all over the place. I want to just tell it sometimes to just stop thinking to give me break! It doesn't work. 

It been a tough week I loss 3 people I know that had Cancer and were fighting for their lives. I hurts every time I hear about anyone passing from this horrible disease but it doesn't do anything less than make me want to fight harder.

 

I'm not a quitter I have never a day in my life been a quiter and I'm not about to start now just because the battle has gotten tougher. I have the strongest desire to live inside me. I want to see my little girl grow up. I deserve this. Everyone deserves this and like so many before me and so many that will  be after me I will fight my ass off to the bitter end. 

I have things I want to do and I am hoping that I can see those things through to the end of success. 

I'm almost there to get this done and I've put my big girl panties on and I will walk into this appointment as confident as I always do and know no matter what I feel inside I have a mission to accomplish and this is just another step in my ultimate recovery. 

The MRI was a success. I have never had one before ...so I really didn't know what to expect. I knew it couldn't really be that different from a CT Scan or a Pet Scan. I was taken back immediately, that's the plus of being the first patient of the day. I had to change into a hospital gown and a huge pair of hospital pants.  I laid on a the scan table and was given an IV for the dye that would be administered during the test (another thing I wasn't expecting) the machine is weird. It's like a tunnel you are pushed into and you are given huge headphones I wasn't sure what those were for until I was in the machine and the buzzing and machine itself was incredibly loud. It wasn't bad in and out of there in less than 20 minutes. I left the hospital thinking... well lets say not thinking and didn't get a copy of my disc. Once I got back to work Dr Chamsuddin called to remind me ( I'm not sure he thought he had to remind me but I think he thought I would have been there already. Because he knows I'm on top of it. I'm there before he even ever calls to see me) so I had to get  my driver(Chris) to come back and get me. I couldn't drive  because I have to taken a pain pill as my back hurts and I'm  still recovering from the procedure, Chris took me back down to Emory, I waited an hour, and off we went to Covington to drop it off at the hospital.

  It's there and when he gets the chance he will view it. It's been a long day and now I'm home laying in my bed resting and trying to recover before having to go and do chemo on Wednesday morning. Tomorrow should be a full day at the office, at least I hope so.   

A friend of mine texted me today and I thought I would share what she said about Dr Chamsuddin:

He is everything I would want in a doctor.  So glad you have him in your court!

Don't cry for me... Pray for me. Pray that the best decision is made for my future because I plan on living a long time and fighting for every day I have if I have to!!!

Blog #84... Jealousy is such an ugly emotion....

Next week should be another big week,  I am hoping to have my 3rd Y-90 procedure...I'm  just waiting to hear from Newton Medical Center, if they have approved and scheduled it. I should be hearing anytime. 

There have been a few hurtful things that happened last week, that I experienced . A customer's cousin had some back pain,  started seeing a chiropractor, which referred him back to his primary care doctor. The primary care doctor diagnosed him with stage 4 liver cancer, oncologist suggested chemo, he did one treatment and ended up in the hospital, because it made him so sick. The next day he was admitted into hospice and passed away that night.  It's always heart breaking for me to hear when someone else loses their lives to this horrible disease. Another friend of mine has been admitted into hospice this past week, at the end of her courageous battle with cancer. 

I read an article about a CNN reporter that had a benign  brain tumor, she was saying how she had survivor's remorse. I guess I can understand that in some ways, but this battle isn't a group disease... it's really an individual battle to overcome and survive. I don't feel remorse for living and fighting this disease. I don't feel guilty for having another day with my family and friends..... I find myself more grateful than anything else. I could have been the one that lost my life. I wasn't suppose to live 6 to 8 weeks as progressed as my disease was ....and here I am almost 14 months later living, breathing, and fighting for what I want... a chance for another day to live on this earth and to be loved and to love the people in my life. 

I get frustrated..... I get mad and sometimes &  I just want to scream ... I want the world to stop and somehow miraculously make me better!  Make me the person that no longer has this disease. I want to be that one person  that has taken all that I can from having to fight for my life to make a huge difference in the world ... Sometimes.... the world is so mean and cruel that I can't even begin to find myself understanding how some people even should have a chance to have a good life while others fight every single day  for theirs.

 I know that sounds selfish and mean of me to say.... but, I heard that someone was being told how well I was doing and this person says "Really, she is doing good... I thought she would be dead by now"  I thought what a real bitch. A woman that I barely know. A woman that I have not even crossed paths with in the last 13 years and that is what is said about me! I think it's sad that someone would even say that about me..... much less anyone that is fighting for their lives. What a horrible representation of human life. I didn't cry when I heard that she said that about me. I thought to myself what a jealous and mean soul that woman must really have. I actually felt sorry for her. To be so mean and cold inwardly must be a horrible way to live your life.  The hatred in some people shines through in more ways that most people can ever see. Sometimes..... the outside isn't at all what the inside of someone truly represents. I wasn't going to share this but you know what it's real life... These things happen all the time. To so many people. It's not just me, it's others it's what people do. As sad as it may be it's just LIFE!

Things other than that are good. I had chemo last Wednesday and to be honest it seems that it's a lot easier on my body these days. I use to be down and out for 3 days and not be able to get up out of bed. But, since my steroid got cut in half I see a huge difference in how the treatment effect how I am feeling. I don't feel great... but, I am not home laying in bed all weekend... I have been up and out and about. Which is awesome news for sure. 

I bought a yoga tape and started doing yoga yesterday. I am hoping to start stretching some muscles. I find myself stiff... I suppose mostly from being down and out so much over the last 14 months. I am glad I feel good enough to stretch and to start working on this full recovery of my body. It's really not just about overcoming the cancer, it's about getting my body back into shape and transforming myself into a healthy person all around, again. 

I am feeling pretty good. I have been enjoying watching my grandson play baseball. I am just enjoying my life. With last week's news, that we got all the old cancer, and there are new spots I realized that I am in this long term battle. It's a matter of maintaining and staying ahead of the cancer, and getting it before it has the opportunity to get me. I am the lucky one for this reason alone.

 The cancer doesn't have a chance to kill me, I will fight this monster until the very last spot that shows up in my body. I have been and will continue to win my battle with this monster. I hope that through my journey that no matter what you may be facing personally in your own lives, that you see the will to live. The fight isn't always going to go the way we want or expect it to ...but it's about staying on the course. It's about giving it your all. It's about believing that you can do it  no matter what obstacles you may face along the way. Nothing is easy in life. Their are peaks and valley's . There are the days where everything couldn't be any  better and days when you feel it just can't get any worse. We all face our own trials in life. We all make choices that lead our lives in directions that are not always clear at the time. That's why they call them choices. Nothing is  ever really certain except ...Death is certain for us all one day. None of us will live forever!

 I just hope to live a long life to have the chance to see cancer through to the next level of remission and recovery in people that had no chance of recovery in the past. I would love to be a spokes person for this disease. To spread hope. To give a chance at life to people that have been given no hope for life... To spread hope of  options that may not be the easiest road but the better chance at survival. . I could have taken the news I was told and just gone and lived the rest of the life that I had to live and not gone through all that I had but the certainty of death wasn't the option I was choosing, the chance at remission and a longer life was my choice and I am glad I was given that chance by Dr. Chamsuddin and Newton Medical Center. Without this doctor and hospital I would have been gone by now. I wanna say "look at me now" 

Thursday night last week my grandson came and spent the night with us. The next morning I was getting him ready for school, I asked if he wanted grandma to put gel in his hair... He looked at me and said "No, thanks" I asked "Is it because grandma isn't cool?" he looked at me and said "well, you very pretty though" I laughed. I just love him to pieces. 

Hopefully, my next blog will be letting you know when I am having the next Y-90 and I hope that you will continue to pray for me and my family! Pray for great results with the Y-90 and that we lead this disease to be totally removed  from my body once and for all. 

Don't cry for me.... Pray for me! 

Blog #81 HOPE & CERTAINTY.... THEY GO HAND IN HAND.....

I'm finally feeling better. The last procedure took a lot out of me.  On top of that... I got that winter crud... with the sore throat and cough, I guess  I caught from my little daughter, Evan. She was sick the week before. Regardless of what I am going through.... I am still a mama and I am going to take care  my little one when she is sick, I take the risk of getting myself sick but that's what a mama does. Isn't it? Healthy or not?


Things are going good with me. I had a great month selling insurance despite the fact that I have not been feeling really good the whole month. I wrote 29 new policies for the month.... I am thrilled. It makes me feel good to save people money and for them to put their trust in me as their agent. I seem to wear so many hats these days I am a  mama, sister, grandma, insurance agent, and cancer patient. I juggle life these days and try my best to keep things going smooth and on the right track for all my obligations! It get's overwhelming at times but that's nothing new life was certainly overwhelming even before finding out I was sick.

The days I don't feel that good and I am home I seem to work harder and more on those days. Seems odd that it would be that way but it's just how the business goes.... I suppose. Things are always crazy in my life there is always so much to do and so much that I can't allow to sit and be left undone (except for my laundry...which I hate doing)

 I have my pet scan scheduled for  March 13th... Each time the closer to the date I get, the more anxious I am becoming. I hate waiting but to make sure we get the correct results from the procedure there is a timing to the waiting madness.  I am praying day & night that the scan is clear. I hope that there is not another thing lighting up on the scan, but in case there is... like every time before I am willing and ready to go back in and get at it again. I would prefer not to have another ablation but regardless of what I prefer ....if I have to do it I will. I want my life back. I want to know that I have no more cancer in my body... no matter how big it once was to how small it is now. Cancer is cancer and no matter the size I hate it. I am not willing to allow it to invade my body anymore than it already has!

The pet scan is not bad really. The worse part for me is when they put in the sugar shot into my IV and then I have to sit and rest for an hour before I can have the scan done. Going into the room to have the pet scan isn't bad,  They lay you on this little table with all of your clothes on. Which is so weird to me , I would have thought you would at least have to change into a hospital gown but that isn't the case at all. I get a little anxious at first when they push you through the tubing to get each portion of your body done on the scan. You lay on this tiny table with your arms laying up above your head and you have to be completely still for about 20-30 minutes. If you are claustrophobic it might be a little more difficult for you to have a pet scan done. There are things your doctor can do about your anxiety ask if you think you will ever have one of these and if you think you might need something to take the edge off.

Anything new and uncertain scares us. I think I get the "PRO" title when it comes to all these cancer situations and test. I know that I don't like most of it anymore than the next person but I do it because I have to and because I have no other choice really.

Fighting cancer isn't for cowards. Don't you hear and see all these things saying "cancer warrior"? It's not easy to go through this. I think sometimes it has more of a mental effect than a physical. It's the word we all dread to hear under any circumstances with anyone in our family or friends circle.

I know the day I was diagnosed I couldn't believe what the doctor was saying.. Like I have said before this happened to other people. This could not be happening to me. I wasn't unhealthy, I never really got sick with colds or anything, I had energy, I was a mom with a small child for God's sake.. This could not be happening to me... It was and I had no control over what it was. I knew I had control over what it could be and therefore I made the choices I made along this journey. I wanted someone to come and take this all away from me. I wanted sometime to look me in the eyes and say "It's okay, you do this and you will live" no one said that to me. No one could. There was what I felt was no hope in my mind but my heart had all the hope in the world that I could and would make it through this horrible disease. I did everything you can even think of. I read stuff on the internet that was the magic cancer cure, that didn't work. I changed my diet, I scrambled across the country trying to find a way to save my life and everywhere I went there wasn't anymore hope than what I had been offered by Dr. Chamsuddin, my only hope... Y-90... Hope and Certainty were in my mind the same thing. I knew that hope had the only chance of my certainty of beating this disease.  I believed in the plan we had to attack this monster, and once we started the journey to beat it, I never looked back a second.. I just knew I was on the right track,,,, with the right doctor,,, and at the right place I was suppose to be at. I knew that and therefore there was no more searching for an answer for me and my life, I had found it.

It's not easy making choices ...choices that you have no idea what you might be facing but when you have no other choice and it's the only choice you have... there is no other way to go. I knew from day one that my obligation in this world could not be over. I have built my life the way I wanted in some way and other ways it had been molded from the decisions that I had made for my life choices. I look back now and wish I had gone to college and I know I would have made an incredible lawyer. I can argue my point like nobody's business, I can search and find out things that people have hidden so far and deep and think no one could ever find out.  Instead at 20 I had baby, I worked my butt off every day to provide her with her needs, and later on in life with all of her wants. I sacrificed so much of my family time for money and material things and thought those things were what would make her and I happy. A lesson that now.. I have learned better than to believe that. I was given a second chance at being a mama and I love my little girl. Don't get me wrong she can get on my last nerve and there have been times that I have had  to escort her out of my bedroom and lock the door but that's short lived. I still under the circumstances  have to be mama! I have really tried to keep my life as normal as possible. Not much other than chemo. hospital stay's and laying in bed more has changed. I am still working full time. Still trying to just be me.. a new and maybe in some ways an improved me.

I have people reaching out to me all of the time. Telling me that my fight and attitude has helped them in ways that I would never understand. People that were once strangers sharing with me their own life struggles and explaining the ways that I have helped them. Do you know how amazing that makes me feel? I just know that I fight because I want to . I want to live... I want to see my daughter and grandson grow up... I want to do so much more with my life than I have so far. I can't determine where all of this will lead me in my future but I know the future looks brighter and happier when you have been fighting for your life for it!

Yesterday,my Evan Raine walked into the room with this costume on and after the third video attempt we came up with this. I love her spirit and even going through this journey every step of the way with me I see the joy of life in her eyes and it makes me so happy... Cancer can not take the heart and soul of it's victim's if you don't allow it to. It's a choice and I chose happiness with my daughter. I hope you enjoy her video she is something very special. I started these video's recently because I wanted to have these for her and for myself for years to come. So we have our own youtube channel...

I hope that my story makes it to the heart of people that need to feel the strength of another persons will and desire to live that can in my own way give them "HOPE" for their own lives. Nothing is certain in life...  but..... there is more certainty in life if you have HOPE. ...

Blog #75.... Another Chance At Remission.......Revised Blog

I posted this all happy blog below and then got heartbreaking news... my cancer maker has gone from 168 to 300 ... I can not stop the tears from coming out of my eyes. I have worked so hard, I have done every single thing I am suppose to do and then I get this set back and I want to just scream .. I have been moving full speed ahead and then to get this kind of news hurts me so deeply. I just want this nightmare to be over and it's just that crappy slap in the face reminder that I am not the one in control of this. I don't determine anything that happens. Then on top off that bad news, I got a call that my procedure has been moved until next Monday. Ugh. 

 I could let this determined the rest of my day, I could sit here and cry but instead I am taking off early and going to take my little girl to see Annie at the movies.. because she loves me and because she would never want me sitting and crying over this... My brother just said that the marker might have something to do with the iron pills or the metformin I have been given for the increase in my glucose levels, which has been  created by the steroid I have to take with the chemo. Every action has a reaction.. My brother is right! I am not in control of any of this. I do what I am suppose to do and I take the good with the bad news and roll with it. My fear is I deal with this the rest of my life.. The reality is I will deal with this the rest of my life. I know that I am not going to go into remission and be there forever. This cancer will possibly and probably come back, it's the reality I have to face. I don't want to have to face it but  I have to. I am okay now, the tears have stopped. I had my little pity party and cried my eyes out and realize that how far I have come and where I still have left to go. I knew that I wasn't in remission and if this little set back were to control my destiny I would never get there. I am stronger then this monster and it may have a small victory today for whatever reason but it hasn't seen this Monday coming yet. 

I wanted to hide this from the world. I didn't want anyone to know but it's part of the journey and for me I would rather share it all than not share any of it. Say a little prayer for me today and know that I am okay, I am stronger than this heartbreaking news.. today and always. 


7 more days and I am back to Newton Medical Center with Dr. Chamsuddin.  It's hard to believe the last procedure I had was 2 months ago. Wow! I have had a lot of time to heal, other than the times that I have had to take the chemo, I am feeling  really good. This is my on week of chemo and I am having the procedure instead. I am hoping it's a quick in and out and I am done. That the last 5 spots of this monster get's it's due and I am done with this mess.

 I started thinking the other day what I am going to do when I am no longer having to fight this monster every day. When I am done with the procedures and done with the chemo treatments considering it has consumed the last year of my life... I have big plans. I have some doctors I plan to go and see. I have people telling me not to waste my time, that they won't listen. When I am there in front of them standing in  remission..I don't think they can help but listen to me! I have politician's I want to see. I want to fight for the right of every single patient that is facing my same disease to have their own choice of life, that they are given all the options that are FDA approved and given the same chance at HOPE that I had been given! Because most times patients are not given these options by their Oncologist.

 Prime example: I have a new friend I met on a support group page on FB for my same form of cancer! She is a sweetheart. I saw she posted the other day that she saw another doctor for a second opinion (1.5 years after being on chemo for her cancer) and this doctor suggested Y-90... I was tickled until I continued reading that she discussed that with her Oncologist and he said she would have to be off chemo for 2 months before she could do it. I wanted to jump through the computer screen, I instantly called her and told her I didn't even start doing chemo until the week after my first Y-90. I begged her to do the Y90 and I hope that she will. I can't make people do things but I can tell them of the success I had ... I had 18 tumors and she has one. The chemo has not shrunk her tumor nor has it grown really but it's there she needs it gone. She has a chance she has a doctor willing to do it, I hope to God she does. I pray for her every night. She knew about the Y90 from me posting on the FB page about my own success so she was excited about learning more. It's not about learning more really it's about seeing if you are a candidate for the treatment and going for it. 
Wouldn't it be great to hear about her remission too? I want to get to know the best Interventional Radiologist all across the country so I can refer every person I met in their city to them. Other people have hobbies. I have a mission!




 I started writing a letter to one of the doctors and honestly a letter would not do justice for what I have endured to prove that I made the right  choice when I was told It wasn't the right choice for me. This isn't about "I told you so " as much as it is about my hearts desire to help save other people. I have this burning desire inside of me to make a difference. To show these doctors that are old school text books that something more can be done than just chemo and your patient dying. There are people with my same disease that I know that would never ever do what I have done. They are not risk takers but what they don't realize is they are risking their lives taking chemo. I went for it. I chose to go off the yellow brick road to find my chance at life and I was willing to risk my life for it. I was not promised anything. I was not told it would save my life. I was told "It's your only Hope" and with hope I had a chance and I was willing to chance my life for HOPE! I just know that this disease is my calling, my calling to do something about it, in hopes to change the world. I may not get through to every one I meet ...but it won't be for the lack of effort! 


Like most people.... I wanted to live. I didn't want to die. I searched every avenue. I did everything. I knew if I was going to die, I was going to give this disease every single thing I had inside of me. I wanted my girls and family to be proud of me. I wanted them to know life is worth taking the risk! 

This blog is bigger than me and my disease this blog is about HOPE and about helping others, so as I heal and head closer to remission know that I am not done writing, my journey with this disease has just began even if I no longer have it to fight.... I will fight for the rights of others. 

I am not going to lie about this... it's hard watching other people losing their battles with this disease to hear how someone is dying and reading the pain that a family member is writing about ... I sometimes think it might be to much for me and then I step aside from it for a minute and I continue to share my story of hope! I think hope is contagious and I think that it can make a difference no matter the circumstances! It's part of my journey there are good things and there are bad things I will see and hear and I just have to stay focused on my mission and reach out as much as I can to make my own difference in the world. 

Don't cry for me Pray for me... Please pray for me and my family as we face what we hope is the last procedure of  healing me from this horrible disease. Every prayer is heard and every prayer counts. 

Blog #49... Spreading hope....

Unfortunately, I have to have  one more burn procedure. I was hoping to be done with all of that stuff,but it's not over until all the cancer is gone, and with it being even a tiny bit in my liver, the procedure has to be done again.... I was hoping that I would not have any more cancer left in my body... after all I have already been through. But, that just isn't the case. I have 3 tumors that have a fraction of the tumor left that is lighting up on the pet scan and I have to do something about them.We are not willing to  leave any cancer in my body. We have been so aggressive throughout the treatments and there is no reason to stop now, 98% cancer free or not... I am going for the 100%!!! 

The news wasn't what I was hoping for from Dr. Chamsuddin today, and I know he could see the disappointment on my face, but I have never been good at lying about how I am feeling. I asked his secretary to please schedule it as soon as she could, that I am ready to get it done and over with. No reason to start procrastinating this late in the game... 

As Dr. Chamsuddin said today, I have made the U-turn in this disease.  Today, was the first time he said either way about if he thought I would survive this disease. He said even after the first Y-90 he really wasn't sure I would make it. I held back the tears. That was a hard thing to hear, but my liver was 50% covered in multiple tumors and statistic's say I should be dead, but I am not. I am beating this. I don't know that everyone's body would react as well to the treatments as mine has, but I am grateful and regardless it was all worth the risk for me to save my life even if it had turned out completely different. I have learned about making decisions, sticking with them, and accepting the outcome. I have never had to make such tough decisions in my life. I have cried almost every night before each procedure I have had done, but to be honest I have gone into them all the day of... with confidence and never doubting the outcome of what the procedure would do for my cancer. I have feared death, of course, but I have really honest to God never believed that I could not make it through this. I wasn't given a positive result chart, I was given hope, and for me that was good enough. I could have never sat back and done nothing and just let the cancer take it's course.

I have been thinking about what I am suppose to do with this second chance at life. What one person can really do to help make a difference in a disease that most oncologist in this country never give their patients the options (other then chemo) to help in giving them more time, or another chance at life. It makes me mad. The longer I go in this disease and the closer I am to being cancer free I think about all the senseless deaths that may have happened because oncologist do not believe in the Y-90 treatment. I have to make a difference.  So, this morning I have emailed Dr. Phil and I have emailed one of the producers at CBS morning show... Attached is the email I sent to Ms. James with CBS.... 

Good Morning Ms. James,

How  do you  put into words something so amazing... that only your heart and soul can feel the full effects of a second chance at life?

  I am not just another person that has luckily survived liver cancer. I am not just another person that wants to be grateful to an amazing doctor that went above and beyond the call of medical duty to help save my life. I was told 7 months ago I would not be here today, and yesterday I was told that I have made the U-turn on curing my cancer. (AMAZING) I was advised  that my cancer is 98% gone inside of my liver. It's a miracle. The miracle isn't anything more than me choosing an option of treatment that is FDA approved for the last 10 years that 7 out of 8 oncologist told me not to do. You read that right I am 98% cancer free and I was told not to do the procedure! 

If I would have listened to the 7 oncologist that told me not to do the treatment I would either be in hospice or  buried under the ground right now. That is a FACT. I was given at most 12 months to live with chemo and for my doctors that I chose to see, that was long enough of a life left for a single mother of a 6 year old, that was not good enough for me. I was not going to accept a death sentence at least not without trying every single option I had to save me life. The more I express into words how all of this impacts my life, the more I want to scream and shout for joy. 

The treatment option I chose is called Y-90. It is where an interventional radiologist (mine is Dr. Abbas Chamsuddin) goes into your main artery in your leg with a catheter and shoots microscopic radiation beads directly into each of the tumors.  This procedure has been FDA approved for the last 10 years and yet oncologist do not like the treatment. First off, it has not damaged my liver at all. The thing it has done is... it has gone into the right side of my liver after 2 treatments and has gotten rid of the cancer that was ultimately going to kill me. I can't understand why any doctor would not want this outcome for their patients, especially when the patient has no chance at survival otherwise. Makes no sense to me. In my opinion it should be mandatory that every oncologist in this country gives their patients every option of saving their lives, and to allow the patient to ultimately make the choice of whether or not they want to try and save their own lives.  I was seeing an oncologist at Piedmont Hospital, he was a tender and gentle man up until the day that he told me that I was in denial of my disease. I am sorry for believing in myself for stepping outside of the box and doing what I wanted to do to try and save my life. The compassion I had once felt in his care I no longer felt any of that... That's why he isn't my doctor, besides the fact that he told his secretary to tell me if I did the Y-90 he would no longer treat me. I let that relationship go that day, and I am living proof that he was wrong in making the decision for me not to do the Y-90. If I had listened to him, I would today be another of his beautiful dead patients that didn't mean enough to him that  he went the extra mile to try and save. I think it should be mandatory for a doctor to give their patients all the options. I think it would only be fair!

I had never been faced a day personally with cancer before I got sick. I have seen what this disease will do to a person and a family. I have an amazing family that has supported me all the way. I write a blog about my journey a very personal blog about the up's and down's, the fear and victories... of this disease. I didn't want to be one of those people that other people whispered about, I wanted to share a journey that could help others see the disease and other things in life in a new light that maybe they had not thought about before. 

In closing. my request to you is... I am  asking you to do a story on liver cancer. Doing a story on not a person with a miracle... but a person that has beat the odds in hopes to help others see more options than they may have been given. It's a gamble writing to you, but I know that I can make a difference in the world.

 I know that I have the most amazing doctor that went above and beyond to do what he could to save my life. He has sat down with me and my family and looked us in the eyes and never given me a sense of false hope, but what he gave me was the chance to change life and that is all anyone can hope for. 

Who knows he may be able to save the life of someone you know one day! When I got sick, every one I knew kept telling me, "You are not going to die Christy, it's not your time" I felt that in my heart I felt that I wasn't going to leave this earth now. I had a message of hope and passion to spread to others. I have a victory that thousands of people are standing on the sidelines cheering me on like I was something more than just a hard working single mother from Atlanta GA!  I have a voice and I demand it to be heard no matter what lengths it takes me to in life. Because this is a much bigger and broader story than just being about me, it's about a large majority of people in the world that may never get the chance hear my story of hope for themselves and their loved ones.  My insurance company denied the procedure, which they said it was investigational, it's not, it's FDA approved. I had to pay $15,000 to the hospital for the first Y-90 treatment. Dr. Chamsuddin went to bat personally for me calling the insurance companies medical director, he said "If this was your sister you would not deny this procedure" The medical director response was "It's not my sister, and don't bring her in this" That says a lot. I am taking different measures with this about denying the coverage. This story for me isn't about it getting paid for and if it was approved or denied... This story is about SAVING more lives! 

I hope my story touches your heart in ways that you will want to help me in making a difference for others. 

I can be reached directly at 770-714-8454....

My blog is located at:  http://dontcryformeprayforme.blogspot.com/2014/02/blog-1.html

I have also included  two  pictures of myself. A face with a story is always a clearer picture.

I know that I can make a difference. And I know that the answers is ALWAYS     "NO" unless you ask. I will keep asking. I will keep trying to make sure someone hears my story and that it touches them enough to want to spread the message of hope in the lives of people that generally are given no hope at all. 

Thank you again for reading and sharing my story... I want the world to know this isn't just a bout me and saving my life... It's about giving hope and life to others that may not have had the option of knowing about their choices. 

Don't cry for me... Pray for me.....