I'm so grateful to be here and alive . I am so glad that I have been able to overcome something that should have and would have taken my life... if I had given it half a chance. Yesterday, I got a call from one of the oncologist that told me previously (the last time I saw him in mid May) I was in denial of my disease... One that told me not to do the Y-90 as it is the last chance alternative after trying the chemo. When the lady called and said I had a $50.00 outstanding balance, I wanted to say tell Dr. So So that he could write that off, because he almost caused me to lose my life several months ago, and he owes me and not me owing him a thing. I didn't say a word. I have a plan when this next pet scan comes back and all the tumors are gone in my liver I'm setting up some appointments with these oncologist and their closed minded ways and take the proof of what can happen if you open your mind to other possibilities. I am sure he knows that I am angry with him and I think that I might have a chance at proving some things to these doctors and maybe they will be willing to save more lives. The oncologist that I saw that told me I would be dead in 12 months needs to see and believe in what I have done before they will ever recommend it for anyone else. I have a purpose in all of this and believe me I am going to fulfill my purpose!
I had a little set back on Tuesday night. Every bone in my body hurt, my throat, my back, and every where. I went to the see the oncologist on Wednesday they gave me half a bag of fluids and a z pack prescription for antibiotic's They worked and I am feeling much better. I had a fever and it's never a good thing when a cancer patient has a fever. I haven't had but that one this whole time and besides the side effects of the chemo and a little stomach aches I am doing pretty good with staying healthy. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I stay away from people and crowds.
Today is Halloween, it's one of my favorite holiday's. I just love seeing all the costume's and the joy of the children's faces, especially my own children. I decided to record a message (click link below to watch the video) this morning. I was just sitting here at my desk, thinking about all the things I have to be thankful for and I know that this second chance at life I have been given is my greatest blessing of a life time.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10205088424240850&l=2249421424115403032
When I was a child my mother never took us out trick or treating except to the houses of the people we knew and she still checked the candy , as if someone we knew so well would try and poison us. Makes me laugh now. My mama was a worrier, and I see that so much in myself as well. I remember we would get out of school, walk down the hill home, and be in our costumes waiting for our mother to get home and take us to the 5 houses. We never got a lot of candy. I remember one year I got to go to a Halloween party and trick or treating afterwards. That is the first time I heard anything about spin the bottle. I remember I had to go into the closet and kiss someone, I just can not remember who it was. I remember the game just not the kiss. LOL ... I felt so big that day, I found a new independence when I got to go with my friends and get candy from a stranger. All I really can remember is that one time doing that. It was enough. Memories are great. I hold so many memories in my mind, some are tucked away so far that it's almost as if I have forgotten them until something special triggers my mind and the memories come flooding outward.
When Evan was a baby she would say "Happy Hallowing" Always made me laugh and now I say it to her, and she thinks it's stupid that I do it. I don't care some things just will always make me laugh. Tonight we are going to be in our own neighborhood for the first time in Evan's little life. We always go to my sisters house. the problem is my sisters kids run off and leave her for their own friends. Evan is growing up and wants to be in the neighborhood where her own friends are. I understand, it makes me a little sad to break our tradition but we do what makes our children happy. Evan's father and sister are coming over and going with her too. Should be a great night!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Don't cry for me... Pray for me.
I am going to do my best to get through this blog without crying my eyes out. When I began this journey through cancer on 2/6/2014.... I had no idea what this meant in my life. My picture today is of me and my sweet, Evan Raine and what we think about cancer!
I had no idea if I would even be alive in 6 months. The cancer was consuming my liver and all I heard out of the mouth's of every single doctor I met with... "It's really bad" Those words ring in your mind and heart. They were repeated through memory many times. The times I was most afraid. The times I was all alone. The times I didn't even feel good enough to lift up my head. Those words stung like a million bee's many times over the last 5 months of my life.
I had a hard time looking into my little girls' eyes and telling her I was getting better every day, because honestly, I wasn't sure that I even believed it. I knew I was fighting with every thing I had in side me.. to beat this cancer but ,I knew deep in my heart how bad it really was. The one thing that had always given me hope was that my liver has been functioning at 100%. The cancer had not caused any damage to my liver at all.
I worried that the radiation (Y-90) treatment would hurt my liver (which it has not). I had several oncologist around the country telling me that they would not do the Y-90 treatment. That it should be a LAST resort. It could cause damage to the liver and they would not do it. If I would have listened to them I would not today be 90% tumor free on the right side of my liver. I wonder what those doctors would say now????? They could have made me make another choice in my treatment and be on chemo as they said for the rest of my life and make me feel bad.... and kept me from having a normal life again. They had the opportunity and they gave me the advice not to do the treatment. Thank God we didn't listen. I had found out about the Y-90 in the beginning of the disease and I decided to search my options. That is part of being afraid of making the wrong choice, and part of getting wrong information from doctors that seem to care more about me getting my chemo treatments from them instead of doing this procedure and being 90% tumor free. I have learned that as long as the person that is in charge of your care, truly cares about you as a patient and a person, that is the person you should trust. I wanted to give my Dr. Abbas Chamsuddin a big hug yesterday and instead I shook his hand. I love him. He has done amazing things that no one else cared a thing about doing for me and that's saving my life and giving me the chance to be cancer free. I love him and I would recommend him to anyone. I am sure I get on his nerves at times and I am very inquisitive about every thing but I like to be in the know... as to what is going on with me. The traditional medicine route is not always the traditional medicine route. I trusted my whole heart into someone that I hoped had a way of killing these tumors inside my liver. Not once and still not now has he gave me a promise of anything. I just can see when we communicate the concern not only for me but for my family in helping to rid my body of this disease. Nothing is guaranteed but I know if anyone had a chance of making this happen for me, it was him. I would hope that through my journey someone else facing the same life altering things that I am would consider reaching out to Dr. Chamsuddin too, he will not steer you wrong and he will care about your recovery as much as he has cared about mine. The man has a heart of gold when it comes to his patients and that is something no medical degree can give anyone. A doctor with a heart and compassion is the best doctor to have.
Yesterday, was my mama's birthday.She gave me the greatest gift. I know she is fighting for my life in heaven as much as I am fighting for my life here.... I had the pet scan the day before because if the news was bad I didn't want it on her birthday. I got pretty good news from Dr. Chamsuddin the day before saying it got 60% of the tumors but I could see the sense of unhappiness that it had not gotten it all. Most doctors, like us would have been happy with 60% but not him. I went back yesterday with the old pet scan and the new one and he realized it had gotten more than he thought, 90%.. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream with excitement, except I am one of those that the news has to sink in. I have to think about it, I have to analyze it all in my mind. I slept good last night and woke this morning feeling like I have been given a second chance at life and how simply amazing that feels.
Throughout this journey I have been nothing with honest. I have had more fear in the last 5 months than I ever knew I could feel. I have cried more tears than I ever knew could be inside my body. I have worried and been to the brink of not sure if I would ever get up and out into the world again, and here I am today. 90% of the cancer on the right side is gone and now I go and have another procedure on July 8th, to burn the ones on the left side off of my liver. I am going in this procedure stronger than I did the last time. I am hopeful that by the end of the summer I can be cancer free. I can stop the chemo and I can live a normal life again. I will certainly be closely monitored and today I have more hope for a long life than I have in a very long time. GO TEAM CHRISTY!
Don't cry for me... Pray for me and know that I am a VERY lucky person to have all and to be all that I am!
