Blog #6 "The Journey"

In my last blog, I had the best news anyone could have ever asked for, the tumor's were reviewed by the pathologist by microscope and determined to be BENIGN! That was a glorious day. That day I felt the world had  lifted off of my shoulders, I could breath the fresh air all around me and I was totally flying on cloud 9.... 

Unfortunately, that was short lived, I got the call on Monday to come to my doctor's office within the hour. I was at work, and being a single mom, it's a little tough to drop everything and just go in to see the doctor. Besides, I was fine and anything she had to say to me, I thought it would be okay talking about  over the phone with a consultation.  I called and spoke with the doctor, and all the fears of this horrid disease rush back into my life like a freight train. The news I didn't want to hear, the tumors are malignant.  I cried in disbelief, I wanted that miracle I thought I had received, I dreaded sharing the news with the people that love me and with all of you that have been praying for me. It hurt so bad. The fear and unknown are the hardest. 

Things have not progressed any where since the call on Monday, other than I did see another oncologist on yesterday, and he was amazed how healthy and great I look. He must have told me that 10 times, and it was the best news I had heard in days, I only can see myself through my eyes and when you are going through all of this you loose perception of how you really do look.  So, even though I got no answers for the cancer, I got reassurance for my self esteem and in moments that I have been facing, it makes me feel good. Something most people could not begin to understand but it's something that helped me and how I was feeling about myself.  

I am trying to get in with an Emory doctor, I am scheduled to see him on the 13th of March and I am working on getting in with him sooner, more like next week if at all possible.  I am scheduled to go out to Houston Texas, on March 4th for several days of evaluations. I want to know all of my options, I have been told there is a pill you can take that will stop the cancer from growing and spreading, but when you ask a local doctor here his response is "What pill?" I am not afraid of chemo but I have to be honest if there is a way around that and me searching for every single option there is out there to find it, that is what I want to do.I don't know where this journey will lead me, and I have no idea what the outcome will be, as no one in the world knows what tomorrow holds, I just know that I will do all that I can as a person to fix this and to make everything normal again in my life. 

 I am still working full time. I sometimes want to break down and cry because I have so many people calling, texting, and messaging me and I feel bad that I can not get back with everyone right away, I am just so busy at work, I am trying my best to keep my life as normal as I possibly can. My job means the world to me, besides it feeds me and my kids, I have to work, I have a lot of responsibility so if you are one of those people that I have not had time to return your call please know that I am so grateful and I will do my best to get back with you when I can. It's hard when I get home from work too, because I want to give my little daughter all my time when we are together. So, what I am saying please don't get upset with me, I have a lot going on and I promise I will update as much as a I can on my blog or return your call when I get a minute to myself. 


Cancer is that unknown thing that comes into your life, not only has it gotten into your body but it tries it's best to take hold of your heart and soul. I will not allow that to happen. A determined and happy attitude and being positive is all that I can allow myself to feel. Believe me there are times I get down and I am afraid, but I am a fighter, I have always been a fighter, and I always will be. I have so much to live for ... I am loved beyond all that love could ever be defined by, my brother and sister are my rocks, they have been with me every single step of this journey, never leaving me alone to face a moment of what this disease my do in my life. They are the greatest people in the world, I know my brother worries about me day and night and I pray that he finds a peace that is so important for all of us to make it through this journey and maintain a sense of sanity.  I put out there all the time how much my family means to me and I know that if I could  have hand picked my brother and sister I couldn't have ever picked anyone better than the two of them. 

I want this to be cured, but in the meantime I am fighting like hell!  

Once again I am going to say " Don't Cry  For Me, Pray For Me" 

I appreciate each and every one of you that have taken the  time to read my blog, pray for me and my family, and that have  connected  with me through this journey!