The pain of hearing a doctor say, "You have one year to live" the words have echoed in my mind a thousand times, since that moment. I wanted to run out of that room. I wanted to call him a liar, I want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. I look at my life and I have always tried my best to do the right thing. I have always taken full responsibility for every decision I have made. I have raised both of my girls not only emotionally, physically, and financially without a dime from either of their father, not one cent.
I could sit here and dwell on all that I will miss, and all the things that will continue to go on without me and be sad,because I am sad. But, I can not allow this disease to take my pride and dignity. My hope is still there, but I know for a fact with chemo, I would only have one year to live. And while taking a poison into my body and making myself sick, I will not do it. I can not imagine leaving this earth with no hair and feeling so horribly sick day in and day out for all the days that I have left to live. I have seen it with several people I love, I have seen them suffer, and I will not allow this for myself nor for my family, that I love so much.
I am choosing alternative treatment, I know for a fact with traditional medicine there is no healing me, there is no survival and there is no more than 12 months. Alternative medicine is my only "HOPE" I pray that it works, I pray that these doctors I will be seeing can get rid of this disease in my body, I don't know for sure. But what I do know is without these treatment they can give me, I have no other hope for survival beyond 12 months . I will go to Arizona and stay there for 6 weeks, treatment will be 2-3 hours every day, they treat me with everything natural to clean my blood and rejuvenate my immune system to fight off the disease. This way I can still work full time, and not miss a beat on taking care of my family. My career means the world to me and I am going to work every day as I get better and heal from this. I know in my heart I am making the right decision. I know that I have no other choices in prolonging my life and I am ready to make this happen and get on the road to getting rid of what the doctors are telling me is terminal. I want to live. I don't want to die. I have to have hope and inspiration that I can get through all of this and come out the other side of this disease a better person, sister, friend, and mother.
I don't know all there is to know about cancer, I don't want to know, What I do want to know is how to cure it. As I always say Don't cry for me Pray for me!
This is a very tough time for me and my family, we are all struggling really hard with the news and taking each day minute by minute to get through this nightmare and heartache we are all enduring. I can't put into word how much I love my family. My sister Lori, her husband Ben, their beautiful 3 children Jimbo, Georgia, and Ansleigh. My Brother Greg and his brilliant daughter Devin. My daughter Samantha my best friend in the world, the person that I have counted on my whole life, Evan my miracle of love and new beginnings at the age of 40, and Landon my little Grandma's boy. My family is as close as any family could ever be, and without their love and support I would never make it through a day of all this pain. They keep me inspired, encouraged, and loved every single day!
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