I don't wonder "WHY ME?" I am at MD Anderson Cancer Hospital in Houston TX, and I look around at so many older and younger people and I ask myself "Why them?"
I got answers I wasn't expecting this week. My cancer is a new line of cancer, that has just developed within the last 5-6 years. It has started in my bile duct area, which is part of the liver. Only 2% of cancer is actually Liver Cancer, meaning the primary source of where it starts from. I had made my mind up to do alternative medicine, I guess because the doctor at Emory in Atlanta, said I would be on chemo the rest of my life and to only expect 12 months to live. I didn't want the life I had left miserable. Where I was sick and losing my hair. I thought that alternative medicine at the time gave me more hope than the chemo ever could. I was told that and I had to believe it, it came from a doctor, don't all doctors know everything? Not!
Coming here to MD Anderson, the whole story changed. The 12 months was a study that was done on mostly older, very sick patients at my same stage of cancer. They did 6 months of treatment, and most did not get better. The younger, healthier ones did do so much better.
I'm not really affected by this disease. It's not hurting my liver, as the cancer is on 75% on my liver, and my blood work is great, I am overall healthy with the fact that I have this large amount of cancer in my body. It's almost as if my body has this ability to fight it from making me sick. Which apparently is amazing.
The pet scan I had showed some indications of cancer in my bones, therefore, the doctor ordered a bone scan, in which I did a few days ago. We go back this morning and meet with the doctor to review my blood work and bone scan. I pray that it's really good news, but prepared to fight harder if it's not. It's mind over matter at this point. Nothing much I can do about the fact that I have cancer, other than eat right, exercise, and do the treatments to manage this disease within my body. I will never be one of those people that celebrates remission,. what I will be... is one of those people that celebrates every day it's managed.
I don't want cancer in my body, however, it's never our choice. It's something I will live with forever and as hard as this month has been, I have learned to accept this, and do what I can to fight it with the best of my ability. I cry at times. Who wouldn't? But, I have a better chance at survival than a lot of people have seem to have with this same form of cancer, and that makes me one of the lucky ones in my eyes.
My brother has been amazing. I see the worry in his eyes, and all he wants to show me is his strength and encouragement. It takes a lot to go through this journey not only of being told you have cancer, but the process of what to do about it! He has literally put his whole life on hold for me, there are not many people in this world that would ever do that. Most people feel bad for you at the very beginning and then life moves on, and so many people are left to face this disease on their own, wishing that had someone, anyone, to help them. I will forever be changed by this disease. It's been a long journey so far, and taking a flight to TX to find the answers was the best thing I could have ever done.
I've met so many people, each cancer patient has a story, has their story and struggles. It's sad, and scary! The uncertainty is what is the most fearing for all of us, facing this disease. The unknown, is what scares some people so much that they just give up hope. I hate that. I met a couple yesterday, that the husband has a rare form that only 2% of patients with cancer ever get. They live in Arkansas and were told he needed chemo and radiation. He said "my nagging wife said we need a second opinion, so we came here" I smiled. Because a good wife never takes the first answer when it comes to someone she loves, you should always get a second opinion. Always. Anyways, they came here and the doctor told him if he had done that chemo and radiation he would have died. So they were here in the business center online looking for an apartment to rent for the next six months because the treatments he needs can only be done here in Houston in the hospital. I told her they had apartments here where we are staying, and they raced to the front desk to check on the availability. I hope they can stay here. As they left and the door was closing I overheard that lady speaking to my brother she said "Your sister, is amazing in her spirit and attitude" It brought tears to my eyes. I have always been a people person, however, I think I will be more so now then ever before.
Open your eyes and your heart to the people around you, the stranger sitting next to you at lunch may be someone that needs a lending ear, or a simple smile. Give of yourself to others, it doesn't cost you a dime.
As I say every time ... Don't cry for me... Pray for me!!! Through this journey I have realized how important things really are to me and I hope that I can spread that message to you as well.
Praying for you for sure and thanking you for sharing and teaching us to look for and love those around us "all the way through".
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